2 plus one night

The air even feels blush against my habits. I say habits because it feels decided against as a baseline. As my normal temperament. Life’s normal temperament of allowance that is.

Sex is my baseline. My desire to be held again has tonight wearing casual ideals…he’s enough. His beard is clean, hands are big and eyes are rolling around my intentions with precise hold. Accurate clap back. Just enough for tonight when I’m not sure.

But,

I’m ready.

I’m so so ready it feels desperate but deserving. Misunderstood beyond the moment. Everything I need never and want always.

Fighting the urge to call him more than he is. More than I want him to be. He interrupts my thought with; what you drinking baby.?.

Am baby? Minimally we can pretend we’re making one. I like pretend, at least tonight.

I spot the ring line but the pure words…I ask should I ask. He said: you can but the openness you are willing to love the willingness she is. I smile. I wonder. I peel. I …excuse my eyes while they smile too.

It’s Wednesday and my body feels like Friday and all I want is what he wants. Will I like her? Will she like me. It’s always hard; it’s always hard. I try waiting under the Manhattan sky/ the drink because we were in Brooklyn.

His touch bounces off my thighs with respect to her entrance. Touch me again big man is what my body says by mistake. It was a decision. The best decision.

I can’t walk. I can’t walk out with my real drip. My real feels. My real every fucking thing ..does he know I will devour the ideas of us for days beyond today. Beyond all I know is right tonight won’t be more than tonight. I think/

I wonder. I reel at the idea of handling the situation without my ex… single. See, we we swingers too but now…now I’m Solo. One. with two. It feels personal because it is. I am. I am. I will.

He enters and exits with grace. There is grace in passion.

Passion is what they did in sync like mermaid lovers leaping and gliding within my moans of yesterday into today it was bliss. It was magic. They embraced my single with double vision. Double attention. Double patience. Double intentioned and progression and flirt: dirty south level flirt. I became to need every Wednesday to be our Wednesday. I’m hungry to experience that sort of passion again. Power again. Love again. Fuck me….i moan within my understanding that they were and I was extra. I miss belonging.

My bedsheets were barren before them all even with a full time partner. Weakness isn’t a sexual assessment, it’s a real one.

My nuclear (man) was suppose to protect me from harm, suss, and controllable mishaps that shouldn’t happen on his watch; the butch of a bitch wasn’t capable of any part protector or provider just proventor of goodness I needed he couldn’t provide with the exception of others.

But, tonight…tonight though, the courage to watch me impressed me about him and us and what future we could have with others but tonight was allowed to them both…them all, I’m messy on Henny and happy with the sweet candy for my nose to breathe into everything I was expected to be that I wasn’t.

It’s in my liver, he’s a keeper and an achievement to who I’d like to be ongoing, keep ongoing.

I’d have a second son if it wasn’t for his second wife. Choices matter which is why love is only physical…for me. I feel like at some point you should learn…you should know. Tonight though, You should know it’s easy to be unknown in this world. Forgiven forgotten and misunderstood. That’s me in bed with them forever smitten and squirting on the expectations of…mother, wife, slut, her…me, them, us. Yes. Good morning.