190 The First Commandment
For Monday, July 8, Day 190 of the 2024 Story-a-Day Challenge
Moses, down from Mt. Sinai, had only one tablet--only one Commandment. Self-appointed prelates, however, began subdividing it:
1st prelate: "This commandment includes never worshipping other gods."
"Twue dat!" shouted a man without teeth, with only one eye--matching his former friend's missing teeth and eye.
1st prelate: "No graven images. Our God's jealous. You know Him--He'll punish us for generations."
2nd prelate: "That also means no yappin' about the Lord in vain."
"God, yeah!" agreed someone, gnashing his teeth when he was forthwith--righteously--stoned.
3rd prelate: "Don't work the Sabbath. No servile work. No nothin'."
"What about my mother and father?" asked a lame man. "Look what their sins did to me? Can I skip honoring them?"
4th prelate: "You must honor those scumbags."
"Hey!" shouted two men and one over-defensive woman, whereupon the men eyed each other suspiciously, the woman looking at the ground.
"What about killing them? I can honor them after killing them."
"Honor-killing!" shouted another man.
5th prelate: "No killing! That's included."
"With no honor-killing..."
5th prelate: "Any killing, imbecile!"
"Imagine," added another, "no honor-killin' means no adult'ry."
6th prelate: "Right--adultery, a real dick move." The crowd laughed; the prelate didn't get it.
"Stealing?" asked a young boy, beside his very fine donkey.
7th prelate: "Can't take anything that belongs to another."
"I guess blaming it on someone else won't work," concluded an old man.
8th prelate: "Not in the eyes of the Lord. Can't lie. Did you even read the Commandment?"
"That's one fine donkey you got," said a man to the boy accusingly.
"Don't covet my ass," he sneered.
"You stole it!"
"Like you wanna steal my mama!" he taunted.
9th prelate: "Whoa! Heads up--that's smite-worthy."
"He bears false witness," the boy accused the man.
"You coveted my donkey, then stole it."
"Speaking of asses," the boy added, "your female servant--who needs to covet a donkey with an ass like hers!" The crowd roared.
Moses: "Fools! One Commandment includes everything. Don't over-bureaucratize it. We'll end up with ten. One's fine."
"Read it!" chanted the crowd.
Moses: "Our Lord is both a jealous and a laconic god..."
"THOU SHALT NOT BE A DICK."
"Yeah," agreed the first prelate. "That really covers it all."
_________
AUTHOR'S NOTE:
For Monday, July 8, Day 190 of the 2024 Story-a-Day Challenge
366 WORDS (without A/N)
Title-accompaniment photo was AI-generated but the Commandment is not!
---
There are currently three surviving Vocal writers still participating in the insane 2024 Story-a-Day Challenge:
• L.C. Schäfer, challenge originator
• Rachel Deeming
• Gerard DiLeo (some other guy)
Read them. Support them. Pray for them. And if you wanna follow the Lord, just don't be a dick.
About the Creator
Gerard DiLeo
Retired, not tired. Hippocampus, behave!
Make me rich! https://www.amazon.com/Gerard-DiLeo/e/B00JE6LL2W/
My substrack at https://substack.com/@drdileo
Keep reading
More stories from Gerard DiLeo and writers in Fiction and other communities.
189 Raptus Interruptus
Gavin discovered the quintessential pathos for his documentary--his MFA degree thesis: the Viviano family. Dominick, the father, eschatology devotee, had done research his whole life and knew the exact date of the Rapture, when he, his family, and all God's faithful would be taken up to Heaven, leaving the rest of humanity to face seven years of the Tribulation.
By Gerard DiLeo2 years ago in Fiction
If You Love Me, You'll Do It
I met Jason when I was five years old. I could say that I loved him from the moment I saw him. He was so handsome to me and I felt in awe by his presence. When they introduced him as the new kid in school, I wanted to be his friend right away. I remember it like it was yesterday. I remember his smile and how he didn't seem shy. He appeared confident and ready to learn. I waved at him and said "hello," before anyone else could even say a word. He sat next to me, and I asked him if he wanted to be friends. He looked so happy as he said, "Yes!"
By Sidney Smith (Sid Smith)6 days ago in Fiction
A Failed Artist, A Disillusioned Poet, An Underpaid Game Show Host
I took my son and niece to Gori, a small town in Georgia where Joseph Stalin was born. They talked me into visiting the Stalin's Museum, the largest in the post-Soviet space. I had resisted going there because I just can't stand the monster and know enough about him, or so I thought.
By Lana V Lynx6 days ago in FYI
Comments (6)
This is one way to summarize all ten commandments.
Hahahahahhhahaha this was so hilarious! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Haha. Well-wrought! The Divine needs neither praise nor followers. That's always the "other guy"...
Ingenious irreverence is rapidly becoming your stock in trade! Marvelous! I ought to add that L.C. did grant me permission to take part in her challenge, though I stipulated that I would write a poem most days instead of a story, so I have been your publish or perish ally right the way through.
omg! hilarious and yet, so true. yes, "don't be a dick" covers it all.
Word to the wise … don’t be a dick! Brilliant! Laugh out loud funny, Gerard. It would even funnier if they had to teach this in school!