157 — It All Adds Up: (94% + 6%) ÷ 100% = Me

THE DATA:

• 94% of people self-report being above average.
• 6% of people self-report they are below average, but are above average in self-reporting.
• The 94% of people self-reporting to be above average are actually below average in self-reporting.

• Only 12% of researchers say they've never fudged their results.
• 22% have.
• 97% admit they would if it proved they were in the 94% who feel above average.
• 15% of all women are lesbians, but another 30% (and 97% of men) say that they're thinking about them constantly.
• 4% of women are bed-wetters, 9% of whom are sex workers.
• 57% of those living in trailers say they have real class. The other 43% are only between trailers at the time and expect to have class real soon.
• 92% of Catholic nuns prefer Coke over Pepsi, creating a severe, secret schism. Think Pepsi's OK--don't even get 46% of them started.

DISCUSSION:

87% of plumbers expose butt-crack when working; 86% of housewives turn away. The anatomy "Rule of 8s" says that 8% of you is one leg, whereas 73% of people report that 100% of you is asshole.

49% of people see their cups as half-full; another 49% see them as half-empty; the remaining 1% are half-full of themselves, constituting the 94% of people self-reporting as above average. 29% of people see their wit as half-full, and another 18% see everyone else's wit as dim.

47% of people know the difference between shit and Shinola, but the shiniest shoes in town are plagued by dogs everywhere.

72% of alcoholics say, "Bottoms up!" 28% of them say, "Arghwewcrrrhuggh..." 100% of the vaginal lining is stratified squamous epithelium, but only 31% is satisfied squamous epithelium.

96% of the beautiful people are only beautiful outside; the other 4% are second-place winners in beauty pageants. 48% of people believe Climate Change; 45% are climate-deniers; but 100% of the Earth will survive after everyone's gone. 34% of people who believe in Climate Change believe people change.

The 94% who feel above average think they should get more than the remaining 6% who are behind on their student loans.

CONCLUSION:

There's never going to be enough to go around--way less than 100%, and it's dropping fast.

_______

AUTHOR'S DATA:

For Wednesdata, June 5, Dayta 157 of the Story-a-Day Challenge

366 WORDS (without A/N)

Title-accompaniment photo was AI-generated (Artificial Irrefutable), but the data was fudged.

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There are currently three surviving Vocal writers still participating in the 2024 Story-a-Day Challenge:

• L.C. Schäfer, challenge originator

• Rachel Deeming

• Gerard DiLeo (some other guy)

Read them. Support them. And watch them bob for the crumbs of creativity in their leaking barrels.