139 Minutes of the Secret Society of Secrets-Appraisal-for-Secrets-Release Society — Part 1

Thank you, everyone, for attending this week's meeting of the Secret Society of Secrets-Appraisal-for-Secrets-Release Society — the SSSASRS, or as it's quaintly pronounced, "Scissors."

I just want to point out that this sobriquet seems appropriate because you must be very careful when running with scissors, as with the release of any secrets we keep until officially slated for dissemination.

Now, Old Business.

There is a motion on the floor that the following secrets have expired and that their formerly privileged information is ready for the general public.

To wit:

• There really are UFOs.
• Elvis isn't dead.
• COVID-28 will be here early.
• The Speaker of the House is from Louisiana.

"I'd like to amend the motion to say that the Speaker of the House should never be from Louisiana."

Of course! By acclamation? The motion carries. Continuing on...

• The Illuminati have discovered anti-electricity.
• Elon Musk, currently working on his anti-Tesla, has been kicked out of the Illuminati for violating his NDA.
• There is an 11th Commandment, all about Bill Cosby.
• Donald Trump can't take a joke.
• Joe Biden can't get a joke.
• There's a guy named Jim in Akron who just can't catch a break.
• There are other fish in the sea.
• The Dalai Lama bowls with the Pope regularly.

"Point of Information: Why is that a secret?"

Perhaps you don't remember the excellent treatise prepared last month on the ramifications of a 7-10 schism in Roman Catholicism?

"I withdraw my Point of Information request."

Continuing with secrets ready for release...

• Women are from Venus.
• Hitler was never, ever right!

Yes? Point of Order?

"Why is this still a secret? Why must it be released--YET AGAIN?"

Thank you for sharing that. I believe it goes without saying.

"Then why are we saying it again?!"

Good point. Is there a motion it goes without saying? All say Aye; any Nays? Good, the motion carries. Although I'd like to point out that many, many terrible things have happened which went--quite well--without anyone saying. So, Achtung! I digress.

And finally, ready for release is:

• You really can take it with you.

"I make a motion that we table this discussion until next meeting."

Why?

"It's a secret."

__________

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is my 500th published contribution to Vocal.media. Does it go without saying?

It is a 2-parter, although each can stand alone, somewhat wobbly. Link to GO TO PART 2.

I've also released both parts, for Saturday and Sunday--a story each day, for a whole weekend of wholesome entertainment.

TODAY: For Saturday, May 18, Day 139 of the Story-a-Day Challenge.

366 WORDS (without A/N)

All pictures are AI-generated, but the debate is not!

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• Rachel Deeming

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