You Didn’t Deserve to Die

On the evening of Labor Day September 7, 2020, I lost my one and only sister. Prior to her death in the summer of 2020, she learned she had Stage Four Breast Cancer. I wondered when was she ever in the earlier stages of the disease? My sister was living a wonderful and happy life with her new-found love. She had her 59th birthday party on Facebook Live and we had thanksgiving dinner with her last year. We didn’t know that we would spend the last holidays with her. She didn’t know she was celebrating her last birthday. I wonder if she had some type of inner warning that she wouldn’t be here for the holidays because my sister never had a birthday party via any social media platform.

Looking back through her life when we were young, brought a bit of sad moments. Life as she knew it was not fair. Maybe she got through those dreadful days because she lived her life being happy. We would have long conversations into the night when we were young and as we grew older, we talked, but not as much. Mainly, because we were busy raising children and working. As I got older, I started to really miss those long talks we had and that “big sister” advise she gave me. My life was full of doing my own business and at times, I just didn’t get around to reconnecting with my sister. As life went on for both of us, we started to communicate a little more often and she became ill with heart problems and I had back problems. Later, I relocated to another state and that kind of severed our close communication. Instead, we were communicating long distance and it was very awkward. I could no longer visit my sister on a regular basis because driving over one hour would cause back pain. So, we talked over the phone as much as time would allow.

Life as my sister knew it became very hard and she struggled with her health. She had problems with some minor physical illnesses earlier in her life and her health began to deteriorate over time. She went from having a diagnosis of Thyroid Cancer (her Thyroid was completely removed as a result) to having a stent put into her heart because of a blocked valve. Later, she was diagnosed with Hypertension and Cataracts, which caused her to have blurred vision. Beside those health problems, would come a diagnosis of Stage Four Breast Cancer. That was a big blow to the psyche.

In late summer of June 2020, her symptoms of breast cancer became pronounced. The pain started in her legs and she would tell me that the pain was so severe, she could no longer walk and the pain lasted for months. Then, in July 2020, my sister was admitted into the hospital and several tests performed revealed she had Breast Cancer that had affected her legs causing the pain. She was given a plan of treatment for Chemotherapy. She was in and out of the hospital and given stronger cancer medication, which was so strong, it damaged her liver. A later diagnosis revealed that the cancer had gone to her brain and caused confusion. My sister was slipping away.

I made several trips to visit my sister in the hospital and we remained hopeful. Upon arriving at the hospital and seeing the physical state my sister was in, really bothered me and I became concerned whether she would survive. Her eyes were now jaundice due to the liver failure and she had a bad skin breakout that manifests itself when your immune system is comprised. I talked with my sister, had an opportunity to feed her, and pray with her. When my eyes looked upon my sister on her sick bed, my heart dropped. My sister was not her “normal self” and she became very confused. She didn’t know who her niece was and she asked me to leave her bedside. I was not offended because people often are angry in situations like this. So I charged it to her head and not her heart.

As the months and days went on, my sister became deathly ill and we were told by the doctors that she had a few weeks to live. She was then put into hospice and remained there until her death on Labor Day September 7, 2020. We had plans of visiting my sister the day after Labor Day and we were trying our best to enjoy the holiday, but then we got the call that my sister had died. Death doesn’t wait and, I learned that very well with this death. The day she died was a rainy and cloudy day. Later, the sunshine came out and I told my children that I felt my sister would die that day; her labor was over.

My sister, Pandora A. Wilson, was a very loving person and always tried to make sure her children were taken care of and happy. Holidays would be so joyful for her especially Thanksgiving and Christmas. I would call her the day before Thanksgiving to find out if she was done cooking and she could cook very well. She always was done cooking before me because she started her cooking early in the day. She would cook with her Christmas music playing in the background. She decorated her home for Christmas and it was so pleasant to see my sister happy. She never missed a birthday celebration for her kids and always decorated and had cake and ice cream for them. Even when they were the only ones there. Birthdays was very important to her and so every year in October, I got my birthday call. My sister and I was three years apart and so we were very close and alike in some ways.

Why is it said, “The good die young”? I’ve not come to figure that out because my sister loved everybody and her family. She always tried to be peaceful and she loved life. She was my only sister and now she’s gone. My sister was always there with me when life happened to me. When I gave birth to my firstborn, she was there. When I married, she was there. When I started my career path, she as there. When my husband died, she was there. When my son died, she was there. When I had two serious surgeries, she was there. I was never without her and now I am. You didn’t deserve die.