Why You Shouldn't Spank Children

I screamed the moment my mother locked the door and kept the key. I had hoped that the neighbours would hear my screams and come to my rescue. I leaped from the carpeted floor to the sofa, from the sofa to the center table, and from the center table back to the floor.

“If you don’t keep quiet there,” my mother shouted as she turned towards me, “how many times have I warned you not to go there again!”

“Mummy, I won't do that again. Please!” I cried.

She took the slim wooden cane from behind the wardrobe where she had kept it, flexed it with her hand, and approached me. It was a small, one-room apartment. And I ran from one corner of the room to another. She followed me.

Fiaam, the slim cane landed on my shoulder, and I became too weak to continue running. Then she caught me right there, lashes over lashes wherever the cane landed. The pain surged all over me and I twisted my body like a worm on the floor.

“Mummy e joo” was all I could say.

The neighbours were already at the door. I could hear “Iya Michael. O de wa si ilekun. O ti to.” I knew she would not open the door till she was done beating me.

“You must listen. I don’t want you to keep bad friends. I have warned you several times about coming back home this late. I will not raise an irresponsible child.” The more she talked, the more she beat.

It was almost as if she was scared of what I would become if I was not checked, if I was not beaten. When she was done, she unlocked the door, opened it, and I dashed out into the hands of my neighbours.

I was spanked so often as a child that I could swear my mother hated me at the time.

I would often think of running away from home or hurting myself to punish her. But, as I grew older into adulthood, I began to understand her better.

I grew up in a rough neighbourhood where teenage pregnancy, thuggery, drug addiction, and crimes were the order of the day. She must have thought being tough on me was the best way to shield me from that life. She shielded me from that life, but not without leaving marks on me.

So, I spent most of my adult life learning to unlearn.

I am still learning to overcome people-pleasing tendencies, social anxiety, timidity, low self-esteem, and the sense that I'm constantly being judged. Spanking a child might achieve the short-term goal, but it comes with adverse effects in the long run.

There’s always the possibility of going from spanking to severe punishment or physical abuse, even with the best of intentions, even without being aware.

I love my mother. She did what she felt she had to do because she loved her child. But, now that I am an adult in search of ways I can do things better, I know that spanking a child is not the best way of correcting misbehaviour.

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