WHY TRUST IS EARNED

It is nearly impossible to trust another person if you have no concept of their motives, personality, or feelings. Therefore, to earn someone's trust, you have to be willing to be vulnerable. Sharing small moments of love, affection, or empathy will help develop a stronger bond with the people around you over time.

To understand how trust works, it's important to remember that trust is granted, not earned. Trust allows leaders, employees, relationships, and organizations to flourish and grow. It is fundamental to most everything in life.

Trust is one of the most critical elements of healthy relationships, families, teams, organizations, and communities. However, many of us have an odd or disempowered relationship to trust – we’ve been taught that people must earn our trust when, in fact, it’s something we grant to others.

How trust works is that we each have our internal process about it, which is often based on past experiences. In other words, if we’re burned, disappointed, or hurt in life and then decide, “I’m not doing that again,” we put up barriers around ourselves to keep us “safe.”

While this makes rational sense, it usually leaves us guarded, cautious, and insecure – unable to build trust and easily create meaningful and fulfilling relationships with people.

Building trust within a relationship is taking accountability for your mistake, asking how you can make it better, and making a commitment that you will not make that particular mistake again (or at least making a plan to limit that particular mistake). Always tell the truth.

4 Tips to Build Everyday Trust in Relationships.

*Say what you mean and mean what you say. Your word is important, so it is important to match actions with words. An example of practicing this is honoring commitments. If you say, “I’ll be there to help you move on Saturday,” you should make sure to be there on Saturday. It is extremely easy to promise the world (especially in new relationships) because you care for the person. But you do MORE damage when you make promises that you can not keep. This is not to say that you are not allowed to change your mind about something. Just be sure to communicate this to your partner. Saying what you mean and meaning what you say allows your partner to know they can trust your words.

*Communicate your intentions clearly. Having effective and clear communication is important in maintaining a successful relationship professionally and with friends and family. It is just as important in romantic relationships. Your partner is NOT a mindreader, so state your intentions and state them often. An example of practicing this: if you want to do movie night on Wednesday, you communicate this with your partner. Another example is, if you are contemplating making major life changes in the future, inform your partner (not necessarily asking permission). Communicating your intentions keeps your partner informed of what you are thinking so they do not have to guess, make assumptions, and get caught off guard.

Admit your mistakes. Reliability and accountability are important in all relationships. Your partner wants to know that you will admit when you have made a mistake! We all make them. Building trust within a relationship is taking accountability for your mistake, asking how you can make it better, and making a commitment that you will not make that particular mistake again (or at least making a plan to limit that particular mistake).

*Always tell the truth. This one may seem like a no-brainer, but you would be surprised how many good-hearted people lie. Good people lie to avoid conflict, to get out of situations, and to please the person in front of them. When you are dishonest about small things (think white lies), it makes it hard for others to trust you when it comes to bigger issues. An alternative to telling a white lie is allowing yourself time to think about the issue. “I’m not sure yet, can I get back to you?” or “I am feeling emotional about this topic, I would like to table it and come back when I am feeling more grounded” are better options than lying. Always telling the truth is the first step in establishing everyday trust in relationships.