Why Modern Parenting is Failing Our Children

As parents, we all want the best for our children. We want them to be happy, successful, and resilient. We want them to have the tools and skills they need to navigate the complexities of the modern world. Yet, despite our best intentions, modern parenting may actually be failing our children. In this article, we'll explore why this is the case and how we can fix it.

One of the main problems with modern parenting is the emphasis on achievement and success at all costs. We live in a culture that values high grades, trophies, and acceptance to elite universities above almost everything else. As a result, many parents feel pressure to push their children to excel in academics, sports, and extracurricular activities. While there is certainly nothing wrong with encouraging children to pursue their passions and interests, this relentless focus on achievement can have negative consequences.

According to psychologist Madeline Levine, author of "Teach Your Children Well," the pressure to succeed can create a culture of anxiety and insecurity. Children may feel like they are never good enough and that their worth is determined by their achievements. They may develop a fixed mindset, in which they believe that their intelligence and abilities are fixed and cannot be improved. This can lead to a fear of failure, a reluctance to take risks, and a lack of resilience.

Another issue with modern parenting is the tendency to overprotect and shelter children. In an effort to keep our children safe and happy, we may shield them from discomfort, failure, and challenge. While this may seem like the loving thing to do, it can actually hinder children's development. Psychologist Carl Honore, author of "Under Pressure," argues that children need to experience healthy doses of stress, frustration, and disappointment in order to develop resilience and coping skills. If children never learn to handle adversity, they may struggle later in life when faced with setbacks and challenges.

So what can we do to fix modern parenting and ensure that our children thrive? The first step is to shift our priorities away from achievement and towards character. Rather than valuing grades and test scores above all else, we should focus on helping our children develop traits like empathy, kindness, and resilience. As Angela Duckworth, author of "Grit," has argued, these character strengths are often more important than raw talent or intelligence when it comes to success in life.

Another key step is to allow our children to experience healthy doses of stress and challenge. This doesn't mean that we should throw them into situations that are beyond their ability to handle, but rather that we should help them gradually build up their resilience and coping skills. This might involve letting them struggle with a difficult task for a while before stepping in to offer support, or allowing them to take risks and make mistakes without fear of harsh criticism or punishment.

Finally, we need to recognize that parenting is a journey, not a destination. We will make mistakes along the way, and that's okay. What's important is that we are willing to learn, adapt, and grow as parents. We should be open to new ideas and perspectives, and be willing to seek out support and guidance when we need it.

In conclusion, modern parenting may be failing our children by placing too much emphasis on achievement and overprotection. By shifting our priorities towards character and allowing our children to experience healthy doses of challenge and stress, we can help them develop the resilience and coping skills they need to thrive in the modern world. And by recognizing that parenting is a journey, we can approach the task with humility, curiosity, and a willingness to learn and grow.

References:

Duckworth, A. (2016). Grit: The power of passion and perseverance. Scribner.

Honore, C. (2020). Under pressure: Putting the child back in childhood. Vintage.

Levine, M. (2012). Teach your children well: Parenting for authentic success. Harper Perennial.

Seligman, M. E. P., Steen, T. A., Park, N., & Peterson, C. (2005). Positive psychology progress: Empirical validation of interventions. American Psychologist, 60(5), 410–421. https://doi.org/10.1037/0003-066X.60.5.410