Who Is Your Family?

Watching news reports as tributes rolled in upon the death of a legendary local TV newsman made me think of how many families or communities we each probably belong to. This is especially true if there has been estrangement from blood or marriage relationships and we might fear we belong nowhere.

Biological or Adopted Family

Most of us were born into a family with parents, siblings, cousins, aunts and uncles, and for the fortunate few, grandparents. We usually commit ourselves to each other’s well-being but not always.

Some individuals were not even born into loving homes but face harm from their earliest days. A baby may be born to a woman living on the streets or tossed out upon them.

Such children might end up being abandoned or raised in terrible situations of neglect or abuse, until the police or Child Protective Services can step in. Unfortunately, CPS doesn’t always make wise decisions either, let alone decisions that result in better conditions for the child. Lawyers who advocate on behalf of children or others who are vulnerable are true blessings in this world.

The In-Laws

When we marry, we get an automatic new family for better or worse. For those of you who are still single, you don’t just marry your sweetheart! The new relatives may or may not welcome us or treat us well.

Much depends on the in-laws’ own past experiences and education (or often, its lack), because they often don’t know how to treat “strangers” appearing in their midst. On the other hand, they fear their little bit of “authority” is threatened, or that no one is good enough for their son or brother. My mother’s experience with my dad’s sister comes to mind!

And heaven forbid the new child-in-law should criticize any of the bizarre behaviors of the motley crew. In the very best of circumstances, mothers-in-law are better than any birth mother ever was, but relationships can be a minefield to step through.

The Work Place

Sometimes people feel accepted at work almost immediately. For others it may take some time to feel part of your work family. This is especially true if they’re shy or different in some way. On a good team, you don’t mind staying in touch after hours but in many cases, the reality is you don’t want to see them again until you have to. You need a complete change of pace for your own time and sanity.

Personally, I always wonder, “Could I stand to be sequestered with these people on a jury?” If the answer is Yes, you’ve likely got a good team, even when you disagree on multiple topics.

Community Activities

If your social life is lacking, you can still get involved in something worthwhile. Remember, friends are the family you choose:

• Attend Neighborhood Watch meetings with your block captain or your Senior Lead Officer (SLO) from your Police Department.

• Volunteer for the Neighborhood Council (Heads Up: This can get tiresome, petty, and boring, but good people are needed).

• Get involved at your child’s school, whether it’s in the library or the PTA.

• Attend School Board Meetings to learn what they’re trying to ram through without consulting the parents.

• Help out at your local animal rescue organization, maybe even fostering pets till permanent homes are found.

• If your community has a Facebook page, ask to join it and then pay attention to what’s happening around you.

Religious Denominations

One of the best ways to meet decent, hardworking people is to find a church or other religious group you’re comfortable with. There’s always something going on! If there isn’t (maybe too many congregants are aging), move away or find a different group that is doing interesting things in addition to the uplifting worship services.

Activities can include:

• Bible study groups

• Book clubs

• Knitting, crocheting, sewing and/or quilting circles

• Youth groups

• Young Adult dances and trips

• Seniors’ dinners

• Choir practices

• Family movie nights

• Projects to help the needy

• Genealogy enthusiasts

All these interests form families within families. Our congregation even has a bunch of roughly middle-aged guys who enjoy the thrill of riding bicycles fast and trying to avoid crashing into each other while on them. Others of our menfolk prefer rugged mountain bikes and trails.

Special Interests

Many people involve themselves in activities where they can mingle with kindred spirits to remove feelings of isolation. Nowadays you can check online for listings near you. It can be model railroading, tennis, scuba, surfing, snowboarding, photography, gardening or just about anything you can name.

Others may have a child with special needs and seek out support groups to share their concerns and receive understanding. Yet more are caring for a very sick older relative and desperately need respite along with the support of others in the same situation. Many are students at the high school, community college or university where they can join clubs that aren’t fraternities or sororities that so often ruin their own reputations in today’s world.

We Need to Belong!

Human beings need to belong. In earlier times, there were tribes composed of families related by blood and marriage. They simply could not have survived if they were cast out for some infraction. It is still true in these supposedly more sophisticated times.

Bullies and cliques attack or shun so many during their school years and leave deep emotional wounds. Even when and if those wounds heal, scars remain. We need to know and feel that we are still wanted in the world, decades after the welcoming baby showers on our behalf (if our mothers were fortunate):

• Are we loved in our culture, regardless of background and the class of society we were born into?

• Are we accepted in our country, regardless of national origins?

• Do we feel safe and respected in our communities?

• Does at least one of our families/communities pull together and help us when hard times hit? Or are we grateful to total strangers who step in?

• Do we reach out a hand to others whenever we can?

True health and happiness depend on knowing we are part of something bigger than ourselves, something ancient, deep and wide, that resonates within our souls. We need to know that we and our existence are not just tolerated but met with rejoicing.