Whether your child is pessimistic or optimistic, the reason is hidden in the way parents treat life at the age of 8.

Positive words will make children optimistic, while negative words will only make children feel inferior and depressed.

Parents, always remember that your mouth is the feng shui of your child's life.

The longer I work in the education industry, the more I find that many parents are unhappy.

"if I had. Oh, it wouldn't be. " "Why are my children so disobedient" is a common phrase used by many parents.

There are also such people around us who feel like the sky is about to collapse when they encounter a little thing.

But there is no lack of optimists, it seems that nothing is a big deal, laugh every day a good state of mind.

The main reason for the formation of these personalities is our "interpretation style" of the things around us, that is, how you view a thing, which determines whether you are a pessimistic person or an optimistic person.

Optimists like to interpret "good things" as permanent, generalized, related to themselves, and "bad things" as temporary, specific, and external-related reasons.

Pessimists do the opposite.

For example, if you fail a math exam, an optimistic child will explain:

I didn't do well in math this time (temporarily, specifically) because the test paper was too difficult (for external reasons).

And pessimistic children will explain:

I will never do well in the exam (permanent, generalized) because I am so stupid (my problem).

This is also the theoretical basis of what we often call "growth thinking".

If a pessimist can consciously turn pessimistic interpretation style into optimistic interpretation style, he can cure the pessimistic himself.

Martin Selig, the father of positive psychology, has an important point:

Children's interpretation style is generally formed before the age of eight, and once formed, it is difficult to change.

Children become a pessimistic person, or an optimistic person, the early educational environment is very important.

Explanation style has a great influence on the life of adults. It can cause depression and cheer people up immediately after pessimism occurs.

It can make people enjoy life, but also make people lose interest in life.

It can make a person lose his goal, or it can make him exceed his goal.

We know that a person's view of things will affect the quality of life and health in the future, so in what ways can we influence our children to form a positive interpretation style?

The child will learn what the mother does.

Parents are the first teachers of their children, and children learn from their parents in their views on things.

We can take a look at how we deal with unpleasant things in our lives, and what our children see.

One day, Xiaomei drove her daughter to the supermarket to go shopping. When she came out, her daughter found that the car had been marked with a big line.

Daughter talks to Xiao Mei:

"Mom, our car was scratched."

"Oh, my God, your father is going to scold me to death."

"Dad told us not to park our car casually."

"Why do bad things always happen to me!

I'm really lazy. I always park my car by the side of the road in order to walk a few steps less. if I park my car in the parking lot, this won't happen. "

The daughter listened to her mother's words and heard her mother say that she was lazy and had bad luck all the time, even some swearing words.

This way of speaking has a very bad influence on the daughter.

Xiaomei's treatment of bad events is a pessimistic explanation, and before she knows it, her daughter will learn to look at the world in this way.

Bad things are permanent, and they are all their own fault.

Children will pay great attention to their parents' words and deeds, especially their mothers' emotional explanations of events.

Children ask a lot of "why" because they want to know what is going on around them, especially the explanation of society and life.

Once the parents show impatience and stop answering the child's why, he will look for answers elsewhere.

They will listen carefully to your explanation of everything, especially the bad things.

A team tested the style of 100 children and their parents with a level of optimism very similar to that of their mothers, whether they were sons or daughters.

Criticism can affect a child's way of thinking

When a child does something wrong, what do you tell him? what will the teacher say to him?

In the process, the child will not only listen to what you say, but also how to say it.

We can find a rule that teachers treat boys and girls differently, which will also affect children's interpretation patterns.

For the students in a class, what will the teacher say about the children who fail the exam?

To boys, teachers usually say:

"you don't pay attention in class" and "when I talk about this topic, you are talking to other students."

What does this mean? these are temporary, specific, and you can change them.

On the other hand, the criticism of girls is completely different, because most of the girls seem to listen carefully in class, and teachers can't criticize them for this reason.

Teachers usually say:

"you never check math", "you can't learn math well", "the homework you hand in is always in a mess".

There is no temporary criticism, only permanent, own reasons.

Psychologist Dwick did an experiment in which fourth-grade boys and girls were given the same unsolved problem and then listened to their explanations for their failure.

"Why didn't you get the answer?"

The girls answered, "I'm not good at doing such questions" or "I'm not smart enough."

The boys answered, "I didn't try my best to do it" and "I don't want to do such a question."

This experiment shows that adults' criticism of children can affect their thinking about the style of explaining bad things.

How to cultivate an optimistic child

Seeing this, I think we should understand that the key to cultivating optimistic children is the parents' own attitude towards their children and things.

We need to realize its importance and then monitor our own language.

However, children are also born with temperament.

Some children are naturally sensitive and easy to think bad. What can parents do at this time?

Seligman's research is meaningful in that it not only tells us how optimism or pessimism is formed, but also tells us that optimism can be "learned" and one's interpretation style can be changed.

I remember when my daughter was playing with her friends in the yard when she was young, she would be very angry and sad every time others opposed her or did not agree with her to join.

I'll talk to her.

I would ask her:

"what is the reason why you are so sad when your friends oppose you or do not allow you to join the game?

Do you think they don't like you and don't think you're good? "

The reason for asking this question is to make her realize that her sadness is caused by what kind of underlying thoughts.

If we are not aware of the underlying thoughts, sadness and pain are chaotic, like a hood, it is difficult to get rid of.

But find that specific idea and you'll be able to get rid of it.

Then I will continue to analyze with her that the children do not want to play with you at this time, not because they do not like you, there are many possible reasons.

For example, at this time, they have discussed who will play what role, and do not want to join another person.

For example, these are the only toys they have, and they can no longer be given to you.

For example, he is in a bad mood today, so he wants to play by himself and does not want to play with others. Think about it. Do you sometimes just want to play by yourself and not with others?

By the way, did they play with you yesterday? that means they didn't dislike you, otherwise they wouldn't have played with you yesterday.

The purpose of such an analysis is to find evidence to refute one's own underlying ideas.

These two steps, as suggested by Seligman, change the style of a person's interpretation. We adults can also use it.

For anoth