"When Schools Pass The Buck"

I wasn’t just a parent they knew me. For years, I did everything in my power to stay connected with the school. I attended meetings, responded promptly to every call or email, and worked with my son to improve his school experience.

As most parents know, staying in close communication with your child’s school is crucial, especially when your child is facing challenges. I’ve always believed that by working together with teachers and counselors, I could do my best to create a supportive environment for my kids, addressing any issues that came to head in a way that benefited both sides and equal to-if not more so, my child’s benefit.

However, my experience has shown me that sometimes, despite all efforts, the system can fail to provide the support families need, instead resorting to measures that can be more harmful than helpful.

We faced some tough situations, but we tackled them head-on, always with the goal of moving forward. However, after a covid and kids started back to school. I noticed signs of withdrawal and far less ambition than pre-covid.

I was in touch with the school for this as well. Every step of the way even when my 5 foot 10 inch fourteen year old was refusing to go to school. No matter what I did. Taking away all electronics to the point of school work or staring at the kitchen wall after work was completed. There was no solution it seemed.

For years prior I was a volunteer for things my kids weren’t involved in as well as was to just help and give back. Unfortunately I was not met with the same appreciation the one real time we were in need of help. After a week or so of just threatening to call DCYF (which I thought was a tactic for my son. Though I didn’t agree with this approach. It was mainly fact still)

Without warning to me, the new counsler had passed our case to the Division for Children, Youth, and Families (DCYF), effectively washing their hands of the situation. And the school who knew me for five years prior allowed it.

This decision was devastating for my family. DCYF, stepping in as the school stepped back, began to scrutinize every aspect of our lives, often bringing up past issues that we had long since resolved. Their approach was not one of support, but rather one that relied on scare tactics and intimidation.

They would frequently remind us that if we didn’t comply with their demands, our children could be taken from our home. This constant threat was not only traumatizing for myself and children, who were already dealing with the challenges at school, but it also created an atmosphere of fear and distrust.

I hadn’t known at the time but my state was in severe crap with under trained personel on one half and the other power hungry case workers that stomped all over legal parent rights, due processing and horrible ethics to start.

The questions DCYF asked were ones the school couldn’t or wouldn’t answer, often because the school hadn’t been able to address the underlying issues in the first place. Instead of working collaboratively to find a solution, we were caught in a cycle of repeated investigations, each one more invasive and distressing than the last. The original problems, which could have been managed with better communication and support from the school, became overshadowed by the new trauma caused by the involvement of child services.

Looking for circumstancial evidence that was very far reaching to say the least. This went on and on until I finally looked up and researched my rights as a parent with this organization. The facts I read in lawful writing were drastically under played (or completely ignored) in person with these people.

For such an important job, How can they allow such a mess as over-worked and neglectful training as they have? I thought to myself. This job is one that should be made to be wanted and earned.

This experience has highlighted a critical gap in the way schools and families are supported. There needs to be a middle ground—a place where parents and students can turn when they need help without the fear of child services stepping in unnecessarily. A middle man where they gain nor lose either way. Someone who can be an extra recourse before pulling that rip cord and having a neglect/abuse investigation open on your doorstep. As a parent who’s never neglected nor abused my kids. It’s the most traumatized, unhelpful situation I’ve ever gone through. Not to mention the most insulting.

One of the councilors at my son’s school was in contact with them 39 times in a 60 day period. Fishing for information that in my opinion-she lost the privilege to when calling them to begin with. She responded as if she fed off the drama this brought us and ignored most denies in information one case worker would respond with.

Another wasn’t as professional. She went as far as showing up to my home banging on windows that weren’t even mine in attempt to get us out there to talk to her.

It got me thinking how many others had she done this to. Families should feel empowered to seek assistance, knowing that their concerns will be handled with care and without the risk of escalating to a point where their children’s safety is questioned in unjust reasons for pushing this agency on us.

US has had a 41% decline in attendance with students since covid in 2020 and a 52% increase in the state of NH for unneeded calls opening DCYF cases overloading an already overwhelmed, under-trained agency. It’s easy to point fingers and find blame in the parents but In some places, how many students does it have to be before it is no longer the fault of every individual but as a whole in the educational need to “pass the buck?”

This is why I’m advocating for a new approach—one that offers families and schools the resources they need to resolve issues internally before they reach a crisis point. By creating a support system that prioritizes communication and collaboration, we can prevent the need for external interventions that often do more harm than good.

I can’t promise it’ll get anywhere, or even into an actual Non-profit category. But if we want to change the way things are done. We cannot complain waiting for others to do it. If something is important to us giving the edge of personal as well. Then it’s up to you to help yourself.

If we won’t be bold and demanding the best for our kids then why should we demand their schools be it? We need to take the lead and bring the issues we want fixed to the light with solutions in there as well.

It’s time for us to bridge this gap and ensure that every child is given the chance to succeed in a supportive and understanding environment, without the looming threat of unnecessary and traumatizing involvement from child services