What should I do if my husband offers to be a polyandry?

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My husband and I are both post-70s, we can say from the campus to the wedding dress.

Met that year, I sophomore, he was a senior, young young age. He is handsome and elegant, just like the characters in Qiong Yao's pen. He is the type of lover in my dreams. We fell in love at first sight, a dance, quickly fell into love.

At that time, I was his first love, and he is not my first love is the first man I love to pay. When I was in high school, I fell in love with a male classmate briefly for three months. Later, I found out that the male was a womanizer, so I broke off the relationship voluntarily. From then on, I will only love to use the man of love, the flower heart of the man has natural resistance.

After falling in love with my husband, I found that he is not only single-minded, but also very considerate.

Whenever I sat down, he would take off his coat and put it on the stool; Whenever a car whizzed past and kicked up dust, he would shield my eyes with his hand to keep the sand out of my eyes. Whenever I bought some fruit, he would wash the fruit and wash my hands with tap water in a plastic bag.

At that time, he gave me the ultimate feeling of love, is completely my ideal type, I give him 100 points. I even thought how could I have been blessed enough to send me such a perfect boyfriend.

In my eyes at the time, he was a decent, gentle, modest gentleman. But years later, looking back on the relationship, I find that I was half right. Being decent is fine, but being gentle and modest is a bit ironic.

After entering the marriage, I found that he was emotionally unstable, very impatient and had no cultivation at all.

At a word, he would smash things, curse people, use extremely insulting language, even curse my parents, or drive wildly, which makes a person like me with high self-esteem and high sensitivity very hurt, both physically and mentally.

In addition, he is a mother's boy, unconditionally obedient to his parents, and immature and irresponsible.

Just to name a few:

Once we drove into the underground garage because of the negotiations between the new house and the developer, but he asked me to go up and negotiate with the developer alone, he waited for me in the car; One night, I was in urgent need of money to withdraw from an ATM. I was afraid because I had been harassed by hooligans before. I asked him to accompany me, but he refused to accompany me, and said that if I met the robber, I would give him the money. One morning I had a sudden stomachache and the pain was unbearable. I asked him to take the child to the kindergarten, but he said it didn't matter if the child didn't go to the kindergarten. Once a child skateboarding, because he did not wash his hands in accordance with his requirements for several times, he immediately angrily hit the child's skateboard...... Similar and worse stories abound throughout my married life.

His earning ability is average and his working ability is average. For so many years, he did not evaluate the title, but he is ambitious and obsessed with the dream of making money. Once saw a joke: the director of a mental hospital said that the male patients all want to do great things, the female patients all want to be loved. I don't think that's wrong.

Over the years, I've been supporting this family almost single-handedly, and I'm often tired. The first fanatical love for him, in more than twenty years of marriage is also a little bit worn away. After countless conversations and attempts, I have completely given up on the possibility of improvement. Even in real life, I have lost the desire to talk and tease.

I proposed a divorce early on, but he refused to leave. I also thought that the child was innocent and poor, and wanted to give him a complete family, so I made up my mind to divorce him when he was admitted to college.

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With this belief, I endured and endured in my marriage, and paid and paid, until my child's college entrance examination. Maybe God blessed me. My child is very outstanding and has been admitted to one of the top ten universities in China.

He was also very happy, also acknowledged the years of my children and family dedication, said that I take the credit.

When my son started college, I called his bluff and asked for a divorce. His response was not to my surprise: no divorce! He said he was gonna bite me like a leech.

I felt so suffocated that I finally asked for a separation on the grounds that I could not stand his name-calling and throwing things. Maybe because of my health condition, he finally agreed to separate and move out.

During the separation, I asked for divorce several times, but he still refused.

Recently, we had a heart-to-heart conversation that almost blew my mind when he offered to practice polyandry.

He told me that I could find a lover outside of marriage, and that I could have him accompany me or go on trips with me on the condition that I could not divorce and dump him, and that I could not refuse him when he wanted to live with me as husband and wife. He said he wanted to keep me from being cheated by philandering men.

At first hearing him say this, I thought it was incredible, thought he was joking, did not take it seriously. When I saw him later, I mentioned it a few more times. I carefully observed his attitude and saw that he was very sincere and sincere. It didn't seem like a joke.

His reasons for this are:

He was over fifty, and his capacity in that regard had fallen off a cliff. It was no longer enough to satisfy me. It was like looking at a table of good wine and good food, but he was unable to enjoy it. Besides, he has his own dream and wants to do great things and make a lot of money. He doesn't have much time to accompany me. He doesn't want me to be alone in an empty room. Besides, our personalities are not suitable, so it is inevitable that we quarrel and hurt me. He said he would do anything, as long as I was happy.

At first I thought he wanted to find a lover for himself, so I said tentatively: You can find a lover for yourself. Unexpectedly he did not hesitate to firmly veto: No! I'm not interested in women. I only love you!

Indeed, over the years, he seems to have really managed to focus on me.

I can feel his love and infatuation for me when I don't quarrel with him at ordinary times. In addition, he stays at home most of the time and never sets a password for his mobile phone so that I can check it at any time. Once a young girl took the initiative to confess to him, he immediately refused, also the first time to take the initiative to tell me. Later, the girl still did not give up, voluntarily went to see him and invited him to dinner, he also politely refused to say: "this is not enough, next time I and my wife together to invite you to dinner.

I have also analyzed why he does not cheat like most men do. One reason is that he is not very interested in relationships. His heart is focused on pursuing his dreams, even though he has not accomplished anything so far. Another important reason is that he is very sedentary, has few friends and social contacts, and meets few temptations.

But I was still puzzled and continued to ask: Why can't we just accept the divorce and start a new life?

He said, "You're doing great. You can't possibly find a better woman. I don't want to be apart from you. I can't accept a complete separation. We want to be together forever."

Then ask, "But won't you be out of balance?"

He replied, "As long as you're not unbalanced, it's best if you're happy."

"Do you love me too much, or too much already, by suggesting so?" I continued my soul torture.

"Because I love you so much!"

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A stone raises a thousand waves.

His humble appeal for peace, his unbounded tolerance, his undivided consideration for me, made me feel firmly chosen and unconditionally accepted. I was somewhat moved, and even my non-loving heart grew fond of him. But reason also tells me that we can't really get along with each other.

On the other hand, from a human point of view, it would be a lie to say I'm not at all impressed by his offer. I even thought about his proposal seriously, but I still can't decide. There are three concerns:

One, I always felt that he was grossly overestimating himself. He said he was okay with a threesome, which I believe is probably what he meant. But if it did, would he really be okay with me lying in another man's arms? Does it feel like a tear?

Second, I think such a relationship is a bit absurd. The scale is too large. Will it be too complicated and uncontrollable? Am I capable of managing such a situation?

Third, I seem to have a hard time finding someone who can make me move. I have absolutely no interest in finding friends. I just want to be in a relationship. Feelings do not need to be vigorous, but must have some sincerity. I always feel that the number of real heart in one's life is very few. I can't understand that some women easily have ABCDE several lovers, is there no standards and requirements for lovers?

Maybe my requirements are very high, I will first eliminate frivolous men, no matter how successful the body halo. My first love in high school is now a famous and successful person. When we met again a few years ago, he continued to flirt with me and send me some disgusting videos and jokes. I felt that I could not accept it, so I deleted wechat.

Secondly, I don't think the men I meet on the Internet and social platforms are sincere. They should all be looking for P friends, so I never meet these strangers.

In the end, only known friends and acquaintances remained. There are two or three of them that express interest to me, and their conditions are actually OK, but I only like them, it is difficult to go beyond that line. I even thought that if I had sex with them, I would feel my scalp tingling. I don't think I can do it!

For so many years, there is also a I like to let my heart, but this seems to be my one-way feeling, the other side doesn't seem to have that meaning, and I want is two-way feelings. Besides, I know his wife well, and I can't get over it. So, this person I love a few years later also put down.

Also, my circle of friends is very narrow, and I don't think I will meet someone who will make me feel excited in the next few years.

To sum up, it was really difficult for me to take that step.

I never thought I'd have such a problem in my life. I think I don't understand men. Can men really do such a big scale? I want to hear from bloggers and netizens.

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Blogger comment：

If you strip away the subjectivity, isn't today's story a bit like yesterday's? Are the result of "one wife and two husbands". Of course, there is no result yet, because the heroine can not take such a big step.

But today's woman, in fact, my heart is encouraging her to take this step.

Is this a double mark?

I'm reflecting, too, but I can't deny my feelings.

I think the main reason is that although the two stories are similar in appearance, they are not the same at the core. Yesterday's story, the heroine there is full of deception, betrayal and exploitation, is a kind of bullying behavior, so we hate, oppose. And today's Japanese, she is in the marriage is paid, she did not betray, also did not use the husband subjectively, but the heart is full of helplessness, she wants to find a new life, but the husband does not let go, and the husband took the initiative to put forward, willing to a wife and two husbands.

I thought that being so, I might as well give it a try.

She wrote three reports, from the latest report and the past half a year, how is the situation now? I asked her this afternoon:

"Open marriage" she, and husband is back again, in addition to that piece of paper, and the past decade no different.

I joked that her husband had come up with the idea, but she "earned it."

She said very seriously that she could not make any money. In fact, life was not good. Although she got some fresh and exciting, she did not feel at ease, because she knew that neither of them would last long, so she was on guard. And her husband together, have peace of mind. She said that although her husband said he would look outside, but actually can not find any, because he is too tight.

I support today's heroine boldly take a step forward, but also because of the "open marriage" she is a case, since the husband is willing to, they are also ready to move, why not a try? Try it, come back, still a good couple.

Try other men, perhaps will find, although the husband has such and such shortcomings, but still the husband is the safest, the most at ease.

~end~

If you have any ideas, feel free to leave them in the comments section.

~This is Antoine, and I hope you find pleasure in each of my articles~