"What I Wish You Knew: A Letter From Your Fourteen-Year-Old Child

Dear Mom and Dad,

I’m 14, and there’s a lot I wish I could tell you, but I often struggle to express it in the right way. Please take a moment to understand that I want to learn from you, but I need patience. Life is overwhelming sometimes, and it would help me if you could give me time to make sense of everything at my own pace, so that I can look back on these years with fond memories.

I want to tell you that when you threaten to take away my favorite things or scare me with consequences, it doesn’t teach me discipline. Instead, it makes me afraid, and I worry more about losing what I love than about growing or improving. What helps me is when you guide me with kindness and help me learn through understanding, rather than through fear.

I want to tell you that the way I look, the way I speak, the way I think, and the way I feel—don’t humiliate me for it. I’m still figuring out who I am, and it would mean the world to me if you accepted and respected that.

You are my refuge when I feel tired, sad, or overwhelmed. But when you are upset with me and use negative words or angry looks, it pushes me away. Instead of helping me, it makes me more stubborn and more rebellious, even when I don’t want to be.

I want to tell you that I will make mistakes. I may make them every day, over and over, but if you forgive me, you’re not just teaching me how to be better—you’re teaching me how to forgive others too. When you scold me harshly or call me lazy, it only makes me feel defeated and less motivated. It’s hard to forgive when I feel like I’m being punished for everything.

Sometimes I agree with you not because I understand or want to, but because I’m scared of the consequences. I want to agree with you out of love, not fear.

I used to proudly tell my friends about how obedient I am, but deep down, I was just doing what I thought you expected of me because I had no other choice. I felt like I had to sit quietly in my room, pretending everything was fine, just to avoid conflict.

I want to tell you that I feel insecure because of your mood swings. When you take out your frustrations on me because of your own problems, I often wonder what I did wrong. It sometimes makes me want to run away, even though I don’t want to.

Your love means everything to me, but it hurts when you put conditions on it. I need to feel loved, no matter what. Can’t you love me for who I am, without expecting anything in return?

I know you love me deeply, and I understand that you want the best for my future, but sometimes I don’t see the future as clearly as you do. I’m still figuring things out, and it would mean a lot if you could support me in the present, helping me grow without overwhelming me with expectations for the future.

Sometimes, small things become big for me. When I come home, I just need a moment to myself. I might not feel like putting my bag away or talking. Can you give me some time to collect my thoughts and emotions? After a while, I’ll be ready to come to you when I’m calmer.

I have so many questions, so many confusions, and sometimes I just want to take a break from it all. Can I just lay my head on your shoulder for a moment and have you sit with me, without trying to solve everything? I don’t need advice; I just need your presence.

There’s so much I want to say, but I’m not sure if you have the time or the patience to listen. Please know that I love you, even if I don’t always express it the way I should. And even when I don’t show it, I know no one in the world loves me as much as you do.