What I Wish I Knew Before Raising a Child with Autism

Raising a child is never a straight path.

It’s a winding, unpredictable journey that teaches you as much about yourself as it does about parenting.

But nothing could have prepared me for the moment I realized something was different about my child.

What began as quiet concern soon turned into a whirlwind of emotions, learning, and—eventually—growth I never expected.

My child is now a teenager.

But the road that led us here started quietly, around age three, when I began noticing something unusual: eye poking.

Repetitive, consistent, and seemingly without reason.

At first, I brushed it off. Maybe it was just a phase? Maybe he’d outgrow it?

But deep down, I knew there was more.

The official diagnosis came shortly after, and I won’t lie—I was scared.

I didn’t know what autism really meant.

I didn’t know how it would change our lives.

I didn’t even know where to start.

But if there’s one thing I’ve learned since that day, it’s that autism isn’t the end of anything.

It’s the beginning of a different kind of beautiful.

1. Autism Is Not a Problem to Be Solved

When I first heard the word “autism,” my mind went to all the wrong places.

I thought it meant isolation. Misery. Limits.

But in time, I realized something powerful: autism is not a curse—it’s a different lens on the world.

My child sees things I miss. He feels textures more deeply. Sounds mean more to him.

I had to stop thinking in terms of what he lacked and start paying attention to what he offered.

Autism doesn’t need fixing. It needs understanding.

2. The Grief Is Real—and It Doesn’t Make You a Bad Parent

No one told me I’d grieve. Not just once, but often.

I grieved the birthday parties he couldn’t enjoy.

The conversations we couldn’t yet have.

The milestones that came late or never came at all.

But here’s the truth: that grief doesn’t mean you don’t love your child.

It just means you're letting go of expectations you once held.

And in that letting go, there’s space to discover even deeper love.

You learn to celebrate victories others overlook.

And those moments? They feel like gold.

3. The Meltdowns Will Happen—And People Will Judge

I still remember a specific day.

We were in a crowded store, and something set him off.

The lights, the sounds—I’m not even sure what.

Suddenly, he dropped to the floor and began screaming, thrashing.

People stared. Some whispered.

I felt exposed. Ashamed. Alone.

I wanted to disappear.

But I didn’t. I stayed. I breathed. I held him through it.

That moment broke me and built me all at once.

Because I realized something vital: I can’t control the world’s judgment.

But I can protect my child from its sting.

Now I carry a calm phrase in my pocket:

“My child is autistic—thank you for understanding.”

It works better than you’d imagine.

4. Routine Is Not Just Helpful—It’s Sacred

There was a time I thought I was being a “good” parent by teaching my child to adapt.

Be flexible. Go with the flow.

It backfired. Every unannounced change sent him spiraling.

Eventually, I understood: routine isn’t restriction—it’s safety.

Predictability makes his world feel manageable.

So we built routines for everything: mealtimes, bath time, even how we say goodnight.

It’s not about control. It’s about comfort.

5. The World Won’t Always Understand—So Find the Ones Who Do

You will encounter ignorance. You will lose patience.

You will feel like no one gets it.

But somewhere out there, other parents are living this same journey.

They cry in silence. They celebrate in whispers.

Find them. Online. In your community. In support groups.

They’re not just allies—they’re lifelines.

For me, finding other autism parents changed everything.

Their advice, their memes, their stories—it all reminded me I wasn’t alone.

6. Progress Will Look Different—And That’s Okay

Don’t let anyone define success for your child.

Maybe he won’t say “I love you” in the way you expect.

But maybe he’ll show it by holding your hand when you’re sad.

Maybe he won’t join a group activity—but he’ll light up when lining up his toy cars just right.

Celebrate those things.

They are his way of thriving.

7. You’ll Learn Patience—Not as a Virtue, but as a Survival Skill

If I could speak to my past self, I’d say this clearly:

Patience is everything.

You’ll need it when the words don’t come.

You’ll need it when routines break.

You’ll need it when people stare.

And you’ll need it most when you feel like giving up.

And still—your love will carry you.

8. Joy Is Real—So Real It Might Surprise You

Autism parenting isn’t just hard.

It’s funny. It’s magical. It’s breathtaking.

It’s dancing in the living room to the same song for the 20th time.

It’s the quiet pride when your child tries something new.

I laugh more now. I notice the small things. I live slower.

And I wouldn’t trade this life for anything.

Final Words

What I wish I knew before raising a child with autism was this:

You will be transformed.

You will become stronger, softer, braver, and wiser than you ever imagined.

You will mourn, and then you will rise.

You will break, and then you will rebuild.

And one day, you’ll look at your child and see not a diagnosis—but a masterpiece.

Author’s Note

My name is Benedict Makau, and I’m the proud parent of a teenager on the autism spectrum.

I wrote this for every parent who’s just starting this journey—scared, overwhelmed, and unsure.

Trust me, you are not alone.

And yes—there is joy ahead.