What Fulfills Me

There are a few things that inspire or fulfill me.

The number one most important thing for me is family. I have a relatively large and extended family from both my mother and father.

The last few years have been hard for my family with my father finding out that he had bladder cancer. He went through two surgeries to get rid of it all and was continuing BCG (Bacillus Calmette-Guerin - it has part of live Tuberculosis vaccine in it) treatments. He beat it. And then in August 2020 he had to go into the hospital for not being able to get rid of fluid. He had a bunch of tests, the whole nine yards. The hospital found an anomaly in his brain, saying that at some point in the past year he'd had some sort of stroke.

So, we went to more appointments. An MRI (Magnetic Resonance Imaging) to get a scan of his brain and to see what was going on. With the results in hand, we go to see a Neurosurgeon. The only way he can see exactly what is going on is for dad to have brain surgery. Needless to say, he refused. He'd been through two already in recent years and wasn't getting any younger (he was born in 1936). Deciding to opt out of the biopsy, the doctor suggested that we keep an eye on how dad was feeling and get another MRI in a few months time.

We come to January 2021, and dad has numerous falls prompting me to push back the MRI. As we entered into February he was walking with a walker and needing to wear depends. He was humiliated and hated to ask for help in anything, but in the end did so. My brother and I became his caretakers. I was used to this since for the better part of my life I did home care nursing. For my brother, it was definitely harder. He's used to working in a kitchen and has a short fuse.

It felt as if dad's mind was slipping. At times, he'd be perfectly fine and other's it was as if he'd slipped back in time, remembering when he was younger. When we were finally able to get his second MRI done towards the end of February, we found out that the mass they'd found on his brain had doubled in size.

By March, my sister from SC was up here with her wife to help. Dad was still able to get around with a walker at the beginning of the month. By the end of the month, he was gone from our lives forever. The entire month of March, I wrestled with praying for the Gods to take him and spare him any more pain and to allow him to stay with us longer. I will never be thankful that he's gone from my life, but am thankful that he's no longer in pain or suffering.

I can only sympathize with others that have had to deal with the same sort of issue, regardless of who it is they've lost. It is never easy to lose a loved one, and even harder to lose a parent or child.

I hope that I am able to make him and my mother smile down on me once in a while as I put to use what I've learned from them both.

My father's memory inspires me to do better and to keep pushing forward, no matter how hard it hurts to do so.

My mother's memory inspires me to keep my heart open and to love freely.

~*~*~*~

Another fulfillment is writing. I think that's a big part of why all of us are here on this platform. We enjoy it, and it doesn't always feel like "work".

I've been writing since around 2007. I was (and still am) fond of online browser games, and found RK (Renaissance Kingdoms) around that time.

It is a relatively simple game where your character comes to life on the Forums. In Game (IG) your character eats, works, makes money, buys and sells things. You can make friends in the taverns (as well as eat and drink - and get drunk), run for Mayor to take care of your town, run for County Council to take care of your county by: managing the mines and finances, prosecuting criminals that may revolt or rob within the borders of your county. On the flip side, you can play the "baddie" and can rob travelers or revolt against towns or just create mayhem within the town/county.

There are Family Clans to join, or you can create your own and bring friends to write with you. The current year is 1469. The Administrators ask that people who play the game, to stay within their language area; people who speak English should stay and play within England, Scotland, or Ireland (but if you are fluent in another language, you can play in other parts of Europe).

As stated earlier, the Forums is where you bring your Character(s) to life. My Character is Merlyna Aegeus-Zamir. She was born in Wales, but was raised in Avalon. She is loosely based on the character of Morgan le Fey from Marion Zimmer-Bradley’s book, The Mists of Avalon. Her father is none other than Myrddin Emrys (Merlin) himself, her mother a Priestess of the Isle. Merlyna has an extensive family. She seems to take in strays and those of like mind.

(https://familyecho.com/?p=START&c=1449hwrxg1j&f=770918635429415589)

I’ve played the “baddie” as well as the “goodie”, but really enjoy playing the middle. I enjoy the mathematical parts of the game, in running the towns and counties even though it can be time consuming depending upon your role.

Playing the game and bringing Merlyna to life inspires me to become a better writer. My writing and style has evolved immensely since I started all those years ago, and I look forward to continuing my journey into the future.

It’s been hard the last few months. I had to give up the game while dad was sick, and haven’t yet returned. There has been too much chaos within my life to play, but I miss being able to express myself through writing. That was the main part of me joining this platform. It is my hope that through being here, I can create other characters and put their stories on “paper”.

I thank you all for the opportunity to write here, even if I don’t “win” or make any money. It will still give me a place to express myself in writing.