Two "pathological" father-daughter relationships

I read a quote in a psychology book.

"A person's initial emotions usually arise in the family of origin. The warmth and love that a person feels in his family of origin will largely influence his later intimacy patterns."

In our daily life, we will find some girls, as adults, often difficult to get close to the opposite sex, they long to be loved, but can not get along with the opposite sex normally, over-sensitive internal inferiority complex, and are over-defensive, feel unable to easily deliver a sincere heart.

Your performance is mostly related to your family of origin, especially the relationship with your father, which affects your expression of your feelings.

The father's attitude affects the future of his daughter

The educator Spencer said, "The father is the guide to the outside world for the child."

Your attitudes often influence the future of your children. For girls, fathers are even more of a magical presence.

For girls, their father is the first person of the opposite sex they come in contact with, and by spending time with their father, they will learn how to properly get along with the opposite sex and build intimate connections with each other later on.

Especially around the age of 3 to 6 years old, girls will experience an important period when their gender awareness begins to be raised, they are eager to get the affirmation and approval of the opposite sex, they are extra clinging to their fathers, and they begin to "exclude" their mothers intentionally or unintentionally.

This signal, most likely, means that the father has acted as a "gender symbol" to carry the daughter's need for love from the opposite sex. If you can develop a healthy intimacy with your child, it will often help your daughter to be more comfortable with the opposite sex and have the right to love and be loved.

Psychological research has also found that the fulfillment of a person's needs as an infant can be closely related to the type of emotions they feel as an adult. The attention and love they receive in childhood are the nourishment for the intimate relationships they build later in life.

Be aware of two "pathological" father-daughter relationships that can ruin girls

Before age 3: Too distant father-daughter relationships

They may be relatively introverted in the way they love their children, especially in the face of girls, the father-daughter relationship is often in a highly avoidant state - the father refuses to express love to the girl, rarely kisses and hugs his daughter, and is detached from her.

For example, as long as they are in the same space as their daughters, fathers feel uncomfortable and do not know what to say to their daughters, and they also prevent their daughters from approaching them, telling them to go to their mothers if they have something to say.

Girls who have been rejected for a long time will mostly end up with the following.

1. Low self-esteem or ingratiating personality

Girls between the ages of 0 and 3 are eager for the approval of the opposite sex. They want the attention and praise of the first person of the opposite sex, their father, to gain a sense of security and personal value.

If the father always ignores or avoids the child, it may lead to a setback in her self-esteem. Make it confident, inferior and SE, sensitive inside, overly concerned about the emotions of the opposite sex, not confident enough in front of the opposite sex, and always think about pleasing each other later.

2, leading to the daughter's difficulty in entering into intimate relationships

The father's excessive avoidance also tends to cause the girl to have a sense of shame about expressing intimacy and excessive self-protection.

Do not dare to contact the opposite sex, when the other party makes a little intimate behavior, the girl will not be able to resist backing away, feel fear of this, and excessive shyness, think that this is bad behavior. However, in reality, children are extremely eager for the love of the opposite sex, and the psychological cut-off often torments girls.

After 6 years old: too close to the father and daughter

There is an old saying that "women should avoid their fathers", and psychologically, the golden age for developing a sense of boundaries is around the age of six.

After entering this age, the child's gender awareness is stronger, and begin to distinguish the boundaries between men and women, parents should learn to instill in their children the concept of self-protection, learn to keep a scientific distance from the opposite sex, even the father, can not exceed the bottom line.

If the father is still often too close to his daughter, not at all to maintain boundaries, often may lead to gender misconceptions, confuse the principles of male and female interactions, and later not take harm from the opposite sex as a matter of course, even if the other party oversteps the mark also did not notice the danger.

On the other hand, the father's excessive closeness, can easily lead to the girls' psychological guilt, they think they are already big boys, some things are not allowed, and powerless to resist, this guilt, later will also be become one of the culprits of their resistance to get close to the opposite sex.

For example, I saw a variety show where a high school student said her father wanted to kiss and hug, her and sometimes made intimate gestures in front of her classmates, feeling that "my child is my body", so there is no need to keep the distance, which makes the girl's heart painful and scared.

Here is also a warning to fathers: even if you love your daughters more than usual, in the child before the age of six, you should pay attention to two things.

One is to avoid neglecting your child, and the second is that when your child grows up, you should also learn to avoid suspicion and keep an appropriate distance so that your child can grow up soundly.

Read more: Be a good teacher for your daughters and accompany them to grow up

The philosopher Jasper said, "The essence of education means that a tree shakes a tree, a cloud pushes a cloud, and a soul awakens a soul."

The best way for fathers and daughters to get along is for fathers to become their daughters' mentors, maintain close contact with their children, be their role models, and guide them to be positive, idealistic, and ambitious people.

But also to maintain a moderate distance, when necessary to learn to let go, let the child soar freely, and later grow into a more independent and strong girl, not afraid of the outside wind and rain.