Trusting me, Mom

I came from a family of eight children. Both my parents were Thailand refugees and came to the United States during a horrid secret war in the 1980s, whom our folks were allied with U.S. CIA to help the soldiers with navigating the terrain and jungles on their special operations. In return, they helped our people with food, weaponry, shelter, and safety. However, that will have to be another story unfold. All I know is that I was fortunate enough to be born in the states and grow up as an American. Aside, from that my mother has always been the person I look up to and she has made me realized so much about who I am today.

My memories with her as a child were mainly chores, running errands, constantly going places in her maroon Mazda minivan, visiting my maternal grandmother, helping her with English, and her showing me a plethora of life skills that I appreciate so much to this today.

Looking back and speaking as a 33-year-old woman today, I can say that my mother had played a huge role in my life. She had instilled so many skills and gems that make me the person I am, despite our differences. I don't think I have ever told anyone and even her about how I truly feel about her because we have had some fallouts due to disagreements and my stubbornness to listen to her lectures.

Becoming of age was all mainly due to my dear mother. There were many good memories and there were also memories of my rebellious behaviors. I felt that the rebel in me was indicated by the fact that I grew up in a different environment than my mother and I wouldn't listen to her on what to do with my adult life.

As a child, my relationship with her was inseparable. I did everything with her. I don't ever recall her speaking to me like I was a kid. She always spoke to me like an older person. She and I had a really special bond. I always knew to respect her and did everything she ask of me. All I know is that I don't say no because I never wanted to disappoint her. I've seen how my older siblings would say no to chores and that usually ends up in chaos or trouble. Perhaps, I never wanted to get in trouble with her. What's most important to me was her trusting me to get things done.

We lived in the cities from when I was born until I become a teenager then we located to the south where my parents left their jobs to become self-employed farmers. My father was amazing at upholstery and my mother worked the third shift in a factory and she also ran a daycare during the day. They took a leap-of-faith, something I did not understand as a teen, and I was somewhat upset at them. I did not want to leave my friends nor school. I felt I had made my life plans already and it was ruined.

While I was living in the cities, I was placed with adult responsibilities at a very young age to where I will never put on my daughter. You would think my mother is irresponsible or a bad mom but in my heart, this was the only way that she was able to get things done or knew how at her age with so many children; however, she still raise my siblings and me right. I remembered going to kindergarten for the second half-day, which started at noon until school is let out. At that time, my mother also had three toddlers after me. I remembered she asked me to watch my three younger brothers so she can quickly run to the store to grab more milk. She would ask me if I could do that and I answered her with assurance. That means, if anyone knocks on the door, do not open it. That's when I felt like I was a really big person because my mother would leave me with responsibilities. Again, it's her trusting me that kept me feeling like I'm growing as a person of age and not be seen as a little child. I was just a little child though and I was compelled to want to do my best to make sure she wasn't worrying while she needed to do whatever that makes her life easier. But nothing was ever easy for my mother either except she does make things seem like everything will be okay.

Each year starting from first grade, I was able to memorize all of my siblings' social security numbers and filled out forms so we can all get free or reduced lunches. Any type of forms that needed my parents' signatures, I filled it out and learned how to sign their signatures but informed them what they're all about to get their consent. I also helped my mother passed her citizenship when I was 9 years old. That was something I will never forget for the rest of my life because she was so happy. I also remember helping with her forms to get certified for daycare at home.

Another time when I was in third grade, my mother started asking me to stay at the laundromat by myself so she can go home and finish up some cleaning or grocery run. She was always on the go and running errands. It was never-ending. I swear growing up around her, she was always doing something and never having enough rest. My mom hardly ever slept in! Back to my mother leaving me at the laundromat after all the clothes are shoved into washers. We would have an entire aisle of washers to ourselves. To avoid people waiting on us, we always arrived extra early on Sundays to get all the clothes washed at the same time. My mother would give me all of her quarters and leave me with Bouncer dryer sheets. Two sheets per dryer and as soon as there are 10 minutes left on the dryer, call her so she can help me fold clothes. During those times, we had no mobile phones. I would make sure I have a quarter left to call her on the payphone and if I have no quarters, I would ask the laundromat manager to use their business landline. Many times, my mother arrived late and I would already have all the clothes folded up; 7 different piles: one pile for both parents, one for my sister, 5 separate piles for the 5 brothers, and one for myself. Funny but I knew everyone's sizes and underwear.

The actual moment of coming of age is when my mother asked me if I wanted to start earning money and of course, I wanted to make money. We resided to the south, where we lived on a farm. I was 13 years old and my mother woke me up extra early on a Saturday to get ready and go with her on a drive. We were driving in a 2-seater cargo gray van at that time and it was filled with fresh vegetables and herbs. My crazy, sweet mother wanted me to sell produce! While she was driving toward a farmer's market, she said "there you go, make the money from what we have in this van. My garden is so big, money grows from it but it's for you to decide how you make your earning." I was scared and nervous. I had no clue how to operate my station or what prices to mark my mom's beautiful plants. I was dumbfounded but I was very eager. She did all this for me and I couldn't make her turn around or have her waste her time picking vegetables. This was it, I have to show her that I can do it because she believed in me and she was instilling a new skill I did not know it was just the beginning.

I went straight to the first table I saw and asked, "Hello, how can I sell here? I have a van full of produce and a table. I need to sell." Right away, they pointed me to the person in charge of the farmer's market. I asked him the same question and he said I needed to have a permit; however, if I could give him $10 a day, I can have a temporary permit for the day. It was a done deal! My mother was so kind, she said as long as I cover everything and some gas, I get the rest of what I earned and it's called "profit."

One early morning on our way to another farmer's market, my mother said "let us go to a different town to see how others are selling and if we can make more money for you," but she was falling asleep on the road. My mother had that same tired look she always had when she is out doing too much and hadn't just stop the time to give herself some rest. She is spontaneous but always did it with a plan and a lesson. We had no clue where we were going because it was her idea to see if I would agree with her on the morning journey. Again, I don't say no and I thought it was a brilliant idea. We kept driving further out and into other smaller towns nearby. Back then, we had no access to GPS and still no mobile phone. It was all memorizing roads, landmarks, and buildings. I kept waking up my mother because she was driving slow and almost going off the road. I jokingly said to her, "Mom, let me drive and you get some rest," and right away, she stopped the van and had us switch seats. That moment, my life and hers were in my hands! She again put trust in me. A moment I felt I was really coming of age and someday I want to take care of her for taking care of me.

My dear mother is a brave, talented, intelligent, diligent, and fearless woman. I truly admired her success, her life, her willingness, her risk-taking, her loyalty, and her dedication to the family. She does not know this but I wished I could be more like her. I do find myself being a part of her every day. I find her in me when I cook, how I speak to people, while I clean, the values and manners she taught me growing up. Her humbleness and the mother I deserve to have will always be with me. I hope I could be just as good or even half as good as she is with my daughter. Not once in my life have I had to tell my mother, "Trust me, mom," because she does it so genuinely. Her trust is what got me coming of age on every aspect of life experiences I had with her.