The winning poop

I wrote a bedtime story for my children with the purpose of celebrating diversity, uniqueness and small successes. I also hope my children will laugh often and find humour in everyday life occurrences. Oxytocin is released during laughing and bonding, which induces sleep, secure attachment, self- confidence, and promotes good dreams throughout the night. So to my beautiful children sweet sleep...

When you want to show it off

Alfred Ant was bored of building, Hi-Ho Hi-Ho had lost its meaning

So while the boss' back was turned he slipped away, time to explore.

Alfred crept low and left the nest, careful to be unseen, he checked right then left,

The sun was high and sky so clear, already he felt happier and quickly lost all fear.

Alfred adventured out, through trees and over rocks,

When all of a sudden something caught his eye,

A brilliant glowing light so so bright!!!

He drew in close… could it be…

A log covered in smooth velvet, a shiny gloss,

heaven scent, like nothing else!

Ant gold, ant dream!

“Honey” Alfred beamed!

Alfred rubbed his tummy, he stretched out his long sticky tongue

and slurped till the honey was almost all gone.

Usually he would take all the food he found back to his queen, usually….

But the honey was so so golden and so so sweet,

He licked and licked for hours it seemed.

He slurped up the sweet, bonbon goo.

Then oah a funny felling drip drop droope;

ahh a runny tingling a drip drop poop.

Alfred ant almost drowned, he’d never before done such a big brown…

For such a little boy poos this big were not easy.

He was so proud,

his mass production,

he had to show someone,

it would be worth the expedition.

So off he scurried and he slid;

he’d made quite a mess,

but an achievement like this,

Needed to be shared and admired by others, he'd find someone to applaud his big pooop, no matter what, anyone would do.

The first person he found was Billy the bat;

lying on the ground, round and fat.

“Why aren’t you flying or sleeping in the tree” asked Alfred ant quite politely

“I ate too much fruit and now my tummy hurts though I do feel better after I moved my bowels”

Billy bat pointed to his own brown mountain,

it looked like a massive poop canyon.

The mound was as big as Alfred’s home.

Billy bat would not be proud of Alfred ant’s silly, sloppy one.

So off he went with a wave and ‘bob bye’

Alfred was sure to find someone who would be impressed by his own brown ant pile.

Next Alfred saw Chrissy Cat.

“Hello there miss, I have something to show, I made it myself, it’s big and it’s brown and I think you’ll agree it may be the biggest of any ant in history”

Chrissy barely opened her eyes for cats are hard to please

but Alfred ant was sure once she saw his creation there would be much celebration.

“I’m tired you see, I’ve ate and I’ve cleaned my fur.

I’ve pooped now I have no energy for anything more.”

‘Pooped’? Alfred looked around, he then saw behind him on the ground…

Curly poos just like croissants, they were much prettier then his runny ka plonks…

”oh well,” he sighed “I’ll find someone else”.

And then what’s that…

and in it’s mouth…

a dung beetles job must be the hardest one

Alfred wanted to keep his poo,

at least until he had someone he could show it to.

So Alfred walked a little faster,

it seems poos left alone aren’t safe,

if unattended it’s meals they make.

He wandered through and through till he found Ellie elephant cooking food,

“Hello Ellie, how do you do,” asked Alfred with a smile.

He was sure Ellie could appreciate the size of his poop from such a little guy.

“I’m fine thanks Alfred and how are you?”

“Well Ellie, this morning I made something quite big, I nearly drowned creating it!

Now I’d love to show someone, if you have the time please come.

It’s not too far and you’ll be amazed, I’m a star, for ants anyway”

“Sorry Alfred I’d love to see, but I’ve set a trap for the sneaky food thief”

Ellie replied and pointed her trunk.

Wow and what a trap; it looked like sinking sand but thick and dark

Ellie’s poo was a weapon, a trap, a swamp of smelly gloop.

Alfred stood stunned. “I’m impressed Ellie, I guess you're not the one to come with me,”

Alfred mumbled and carefully left… wondering if more poop traps were around…

“deadly poo; wow mines just ant honied stew.” Alfred thought to himself.

As Alfred continued on his journey, he noticed a leaf with… brown jelly? A little gloss glimmered in the sun, who owned this jewel, this shimmering dung?

Fredrick Frog approached Alfred, He took a bow then continued south ward.

Fredrick frog, who thought himself a prince,

Excreted possible crown jewels, brown diamonds.

Alfred walked with a cloud of doubt,

is in fact his poo anything to be proud about,

Maybe it’s not something for pride,

maybe he’s still just a lowly pooper and been all this time.

Alfred wandered away, then not far down the path

he saw Gabby Gorilla playing with brown stuff.

She was throwing it around,

it smelt a bit like old bananas. What toy was that...he squinted hard?

Poo Balls! Could it be…. But how did she….

A closer look confirmed Gabby could play with her poop and what fun too!

Alfred’s poops could not be played.

Gabby would not be impressed with his boring ant sludge,

So Alfred Ant kept walking there was still time to find someone else

it was just past midday and the sun was high up.

Then from the sky dropped a big runny white

slop right in front of Alfred, he had to quickly dodge.

Alfred leant down for a closer look, the smell was strong and the gloop was long.

“Even the sky does bigger poos then me.” Sighed Alfred unhappily, “I guess mine’s not something anyone would want to see, best I head home, no poop awards for me”

Alfred had almost made it home when he passed his cousin Angie Ant,

She was panting excitedly,

“Hi Alfred come have a look, I found something you’ll be impressed I’m sure!

I know it’s from an ant, the smell, the shape and the colour match perfectly,

except I’ve never seen one this big. Just over here, follow me.”

Angie pointed to a pile of poop just by the honey Alfred was eating this morning,

The smell was familiar… and the footprints traced where Alfred had escaped…

“That’s mine Ang I did it earlier today, I know it’s pretty big hey.” Alfred grinned finally!

“Pretty big… it’s huge, wow your amazing Alfred.”

Angie beamed, looking at Alfred in Awe

Alfred then knew, yes he had done well, it’s an ant thing so he won’t show you,

But all the ants agree it was quite some poo!

And Alfred won an Antie…

Ant Award Anties:

Biggest Poop of the year

Alfred Ant

Measuring .1mm deep and .05mm wide

Chocolate Brown Colour

Sloppy consistency

Smell score ⅘

You see Alfred learnt not to compare, we are all made different and will find appreciation somewhere!