The Unexplinable

This is a touchy subject, it's hard to talk about, relive and even write about but I feel like sharing my story to help others learn and realize no one is perfect/ invincible. Things you think can never happen to you, can! I also know I'm not the only one out there who's had this happen; I want advice with the future, to just chat and vent, to see who or what I may have things in common with as well as my child who lived through this horrific accident.

April 2021 the worse thing happened a parent could imagine. I was finishing up some dishes as my kids run around crazy and bored inside, I heard one shout they were going outside the other quickly asked while running away if they could go on the four-wheeler, I remember saying wait for me I'll be right out. I proceeded with the dishes as I heard the engine of the four-wheeler, not thinking much of it as the oldest was with them and knows to stay in the yard; I hurried up to finish and get outside I got to my last dish and my middle boy comes running in screaming J fell off the four-wheeler he won't get up! I figured he was just stunned or something I rushed outside to see my neighbor carrying my son's limp body across the lawn, I froze; he handed him to me J had peed his pants and was unresponsive. I said I need to call 911 I couldn't find my phone I remember I was panicking, screaming for my cousin who was next door as she came out, I handed J off to her so I could call, her husband handed me his phone already 911 on the line. As these short minutes that seemed like years passed waiting for an ambulance my cousin's face fell white, she was shaking J and yelling his name his breathing became shallow all these things running through my head 911 dispatch asking a million questions; I remember just screaming he's breathing but barley help me! Covered in blood not knowing where any injuries were he started to gargle I knew then we were going to lose him, my cousin became frantic she was shaking J a little harder now asking him to please wake up and look at her. The ambulance came flying down the road just then J moved he began to cry and moan a little, The guy ran to J and instantly laid him on the ground cut his shirt off, and got him on a stretcher to make sure they could stabilize him, I can't remember much of what happened between then and the hospital I know I didn't have shoes or my phone I knew my other kids needed a place to stay; I heard my cousin say go I got them I grabbed shoes and my phone from of my boys and ran to the ambulance. I sent a quick text to my mom I told her J had an accident and we are on our way to the hospital, please call his dad and pick him up from work. J's dad called immediately after he heard from my mom. I told him J had an accident and we are on our way to the ER he said what's wrong? did you drive? I said no by ambulance, he knew it was serious; I said it looks like a broken arm and bleeding from his head, thinking it was nothing too bad then, he spoke to J; with a little voice and little to no effort, J said I don't want to talk about it and slipped off to what seemed like sleep. We continued to the hospital it now felt like we gained a little more seriousness and speed, but I didn't think too much of it I was too focused on J. We arrived at the ER and rushed him to a room the ambulance guys didn't leave my side until a nurse came in. They made me feel so safe and confident that they were going to make sure J was ok! He is still out and not much life, now and then he would whine or moan but that was it. Finally, a nurse came in, he made it to the doorway and said CT scan NOW! Nurses were running him down the hall with me right behind, the imagining guy said to keep talking to him mom, don't stop talking to him, mom. Scared I just kept saying I love you, buddy, you're ok bud you got this! The CT scan took seconds, and he was rushed back to his room; the doctor came in, he looked at me with a look that gave me goosebumps, he said this is a life-or-death situation your son needs life light now! With all of this and being alone because they wouldn't let J's dad in due to covid, I couldn't even process it. I said ok, he looked at me as if I was a horrible mom. All these questions started coming in wanting to know what happened, he fell off the four-wheeler. Did he have a helmet on? No, he didn't. Who was driving? How fast were they going? etc. While trying to process this in my own head, I had to try to answer all these questions in a matter of minutes, they have nurses coming in prepping him for the helicopter, asking the normal medical questions on top of that. Thankfully they let his dad in because it was such a serious matter, so I wasn't alone anymore we needed each other honestly it was the scariest moment of our lives. Ten minutes they had the helicopter there and ready for him he was headed to a bigger hospital that had a pediatric ICU; we couldn't ride with him so we had to watch him get onto this helicopter alone with just nurses and doctors and the pilot, we had to drive ourselves scared what was going to happen between that time, where he would be and if he woke up while we weren't there, would he know where he was or that he was alone. As we drove an hour away to this hospital J's dad called them like 4 maybe 5 times checking on him all they said he was in good hands, and they would call us as soon as he landed and was stable not to worry; easy for them to say!

When we arrived, J had already landed and was in the trauma center of the ER they let us right in he was still not awake he had so many wires and machines hooked up to him I kept rubbing his head and talking to him letting him know I was there. Moments went by as we waited for a bed in the ICU doctors came in and out talking to us about his injuries nothing was fully figured out, but they knew he had a fractured skull, and bleeding on the brain but other tests and images needed to be done. As we stood by his side scared, upset, and freaking out J's machine flat-lined, what?? Yes, that's what I said, it flat-lined nurses pushing through running around told us it was normal just a kink in his tubing; there wasn't a kink, J hadn't moved! We were so scared I prayed like I never had before pleading with God not to take my baby!! Doctors came in and said they needed to put J into a medicated coma for an MRI and further tests, we didn't really have a say this was something that needed to be done to save his life. We were told if the swelling didn't come down on his head, they would need to drill a small hole to let the pressure off or full-on brain surgery! This is not something you want to hear/ be told as a parent this was the scariest thing ever!

We had an hour and a half to find something to do while they took J and did what they needed to do; we tried to rest we tried to get something to eat we tried everything, all we could do was cry hold each other and pray!! It felt like forever before the hospital called us to let us know J was in a room and stable. Once they did, we got up there he was still in the medicated coma he was laying there all hooked up lifeless it was so hard to see my baby like that!! Nurses said he would slowly come to and in a few, they would be in to help him awake more and more give it time and talk to him. I decided to jump in the shower as it had been a long day and I was still covered in blood; J's dad stayed by his side; it was minutes into my shower I heard talking I figured it was the nurses, so I hurried up to come out and see what was going on. Indeed it was nurses but not good; J had woke up but was freaking out he ripped his joey out, his breathing tube, his IVs, etc. nurses were trying to help calm him and keep everything attached he was crying and fighting I was scared but couldn't help to smile and be happy that my little boy was fighting for his life, he was so full of energy it had been hours and hours since I saw him have any life in his little body! They continued to remove his breathing tube as he was awake and breathing on his own, they replaced his joey and IVs they informed us that he had slipped in and out of comas since the accident and medicating him into one fully was the smartest choice as this was an amazing outcome of him waking up the way he did!

All situated and stable once again, J was awake laying in his bed tired and unsure but alive!!! We couldn't be more happy and thankful for all the staff and all they did so quickly to save his life. We weren't totally out of the woods yet and didn't have all the answers but, J was alive he was awake and had got some color back as well as some energy, it was a start.

He is alive today, thank God! There is a lot more to this story; he has some permanent damage and some lifelong setbacks. Religious or not will be your choice to follow, but... he also talked about what he saw and felt; it is a lot and full of detail. If you are curious and want to know more follow my stories.