The Talk of War

One of the most influential purchases of her life was a small part of a place called Kopenhaven. Kopen, meaning to buy, and Haven, meaning refuge or safety, was the most accurate definition of the situation at hand. For $830 a month, Ricci just bought her and her daughter a place to stay after the fallout. The separation between Ricci and her husband was awkward, to say the least. She officially left him on August 30th, also known as her birthday. The last place she expected to be on what’s supposed to be a happy day- is a rental office 8 blocks away from her old house, signing a 1 year lease for a one-bedroom apartment. Her daughter was in the seat next to her, silently watching the pen move across the paper, observing the shaky lines and hesitant lifting of her mother’s hand once she was finished, as if she wasn’t ready to take the pen off the paper.

“Well, congratulations on your new apartment!” the clerk said with a smile, steadily typing away on her computer, unaware of what she just said to the women. With trembling fingers, Ricci raised her hands to her daughter’s cheeks and placed a loving kiss on her forehead. “It’s gonna be okay, we have eachother, and I’ll do everything in my power to make sure you’re okay. We got this.” Ricci said, unsure if the last part of her statement was true. She’s never been on her own like this, especially with a 10 year-old girl that needs her.

The next morning, the car was already loaded up. All of their stuff fit into Ricci’s convertible, causing a disappointed sigh to leave her mouth. Tired of ignoring the glares of her nosy neighbors, Ricci yells “Isabella, come on, we need to get moving.”. Slowly stepping out of the doorway, Isabella clutches her teddy bear, unable to look up at her mother. Understanding the lack of energy, Ricci walked up to her with a reassuring smile, trying to give both of them a boost of confidence, and grabbed her hand. Last thing she wanted was for Isabella to feel as alone and weak as she did. So she led her to the car with a smile on her face, gave both Isabella and her teddy bear a kiss on the forehead, and put her seatbelt on.

As they drove to the apartment, Ricci could still hear the sobs of a little girl mourning the loss of her old life. No matter how much she wanted to give Isabella a big hug and wipe her tears away, Ricci was still wiping snot from her own nose. Before she could think of a way to comfort her child, they already pulled into the parking lot.

Even though her knees were aching and it felt like her back was about to fold in half, Ricci got all their stuff into the apartment. Not the most spectacular set-up: a sofa bed, a dresser to hold up a 30 in tv in the living room, a deck of cards, and their bed- but it was all theirs. Ricci looked behind her to see Isabella propping her teddy bear up on the sofa bed, getting comfortable on the pillows. “Isabella hasn’t spoken the entire time” Ricci thought, nervous about what might be going through her daughter’s mind. She couldn’t imagine how overwhelming this must be for Isabella, so she made a mental promise to never make Isabella feel alone. She sat down with Isabella, and asked “Izzy, how’s…uh…Mr. Teddy feeling right now? He looks pretty comfy on those pillows!” with a smile, trying to gauge a reaction from the girl.

Confused, Isabella pondered for a second, and replied “ Well, I guess…um… he’s feeling okay. He’s just nervous on how the rest of… the day will go.” , leaving Ricci a little confused on why Isabella hesitated in the last part of her statement. Then, amid the silence, a loud rumbling noise occurs, causing laughter to erupt between both of them. “You hungry? There’s a Mcdonald's right down the street. Happy meal time?” Ricci asked, already knowing the answer. Isabella immediately grabbed her teddy bear and darted straight for the car, both of them happy the conversation didn’t continue.

20 minutes later, Isabella came home with a mouth full of fries and a giddy smile plastered across her face. Isabella wanted to keep the good energy going, especially after how drained she felt throughout the day, so she asked her mom if she could go meet the neighbors. Ricci didn’t know if she was ready to greet her new neighbors, especially since the faces of her old neighbors when she left earlier were still fresh in her mind. “Um… I’d rather you not.” she said, replaying this morning’s events in her eyes. Before Isabella could protest, her mother looked at her with the most intense glare she's ever seen, “I said no! Don’t be a little brat! You will sit down and be quiet! Just like you have been doing all day.”. Immediately feeling belittled and hurt, she bursted into tears and ran to their room.

The apartment was silent for a few hours, lingering feelings still plaguing the air. This separation sucked the life out of them. Although neither of them could get themselves to say their true feelings, Ricci knew it was her job to make sure her daughter is happy, she made a promise, and she doesn’t intend on breaking it.

Lightly knocking on the door, Ricci asks if she could enter the bedroom. Isabella knew she couldn’t refuse, so she let out a light “okay” for affirmation. Unlocking the door, Isabella stood to the side of the door, clutching her snot-stained teddy bear, her face still puffy and red from crying. Ricci went to the edge of the bed, and patted the blanket next to her, signaling to Isabella to sit down. Isabella slowly sat down, unable to look her mother in the eyes. Ricci realized neither of them knew what to say, so she looked around the room for an outlet- the deck of cards. She grabbed the cards and asked “Want to play I declare war?”, and Isabella nodded. “Okay, so whoever wins each round gets to ask a question or say a statement. Then we'll talk about it. I won't get mad at you for anything you say, so just be honest.” Ricci said in a calm voice. Isabella agreed and they began to play.

First round, Ricci won, “Okay, I apologize for yelling at you earlier. That was wrong, and I won't do it again.”. Isabella looked up with a glimmer in her eye, silently wiping a tear from her cheek. Ricci noticed the hint of hope in her daughter’s eyes and smiled, happy to know this “war” might not end in misery.

Second round, Isabella won, “I…um… am sad.” she whispered, grabbing her teddy bear and looking back down at the bed. Ricci was about to ask questions, but she knew Isabella just needed a second to find the words. With trembling hands, Isabella continued speaking between sobs, “Me and teddy just feel so… alone. I miss our old house, and you’ve been mean and quiet to me today. I feel bad. I don’t know what I did.”. Ricci was stunned, she didn’t realize they'd been on different ends of the same boat. She’d been so focused on her own feelings that she didn’t even notice Isabella was feeling the same way. The silence between them was deafening, causing tears to fall from Ricci’s sorrowful eyes.

“I’m sorry mommy! I didn’t mean to-” Isabella said, being cut off by Ricci’s loving arms clutching her back, trying to embrace her daughter with all her strength. Ricci pushed her head into Isabella’s shoulder, “No, I’m so sorry sweetheart. You have nothing to apologize for.” she said. She lifted her head up and put both her hands on Isabella’s shoulders, “I love you so very much. I know you miss the old house so much, I do too. I miss the backyard and the garden and your fath-I just… I know you miss everything about it too. I’m sorry things turned out this way. None of this is your fault, especially me being mean to you. I lashed out on you when you were just trying to enjoy the day the best you could. I’m sorry. I’ve just been feeling so lonely because of this whole thing, but I refuse to make you feel that way. Promise to me that whenever I make you feel bad, you will tell me. Whether you sit me down to talk, or pull out this deck of cards to play together, let me know how you feel because I will listen. We are in this together.”

Isabella didn’t even listen to half of her speech before tears started to fall again. When Ricci was done, Isabella threw herself into her mother, getting snot and tears all over her shirt. They both sat and cried for a while, but it wasn’t a bad thing- these were happy tears. Tears from a successful war.

Every Saturday afterwards, at 12 O'clock on the dot, Ricci, Isabella, and Mr. Teddy sat on the edge of the bed, and played I declare war. Going over events from the week, lingering feelings, and hard questions, the game became a way for them to communicate with each other in a safe environment. Although they felt alone at times, Ricci promised she would be there for her, and because of the newfound communication, Isabella knew she would never break that promise, because war would bring them together.