The Real Reasons Why I'll Never Have Children

People say that having children is the miracle of life and a blessing. That may be true for most people, but as for me, I feel the complete opposite. I'm nearing 40, unmarried, and childless. The latter is completely my choice, and I'll explain the reasons why I don't see myself as a father anytime soon. I rarely discuss my love life, but I feel it's necessary for me to be open to everyone about what I hope to accomplish in the next several years. Unfortunately, fatherhood isn't one of them. These are my personal opinions about children, so I'm not persuading anyone to have or not have children. I leave that decision to you and everyone.

It's Not Worth The Stress

In February 2018, I suffered a serious mental breakdown at one of my previous jobs where I worked 11-hour days, six days a week, with hardly any Saturdays off. The pay was decent, but before one of my shifts was over one night, the aforementioned episode led me to not return to that job again. This was months after I turned 30. I imagined myself becoming a dad one day, because as many of my Vocal readers and subscribers know, I had abusive parents who didn't treat me well. My now estranged father was the worst out of the two, as he was both verbally and physically abusive towards me. The average annual cost to raise a child is between $230,000 and $310,000, according to USDA and Brookings. The cost of living is affecting everyone, so me bringing a child into a world where the economy is volatile would be both unfair and selfish. I rather have my own peace of mind than taking care of a child.

Free Time to Focus on My Hobbies

Playing video games and writing stories on Vocal are two of the hobbies I enjoy doing. I rather come home to a quiet apartment than dealing with children. Also, them not asking me a million questions every day. Devoting my time to the things I'm interested in is a hundred times more satisfying than taking on parental responsibilities.

Having An Abusive Father

As I explained in the first point, I was occasionally the target of my estranged father's rage. My two younger siblings (a brother and sister) were hardly punished as children, while I was choked, slapped, dragged, and was berated on a regular basis by the man who was supposed to love and protect me. Sometimes, he would use the silent treatment whenever I did something wrong. He was a loose cannon and would get upset at me for the smallest things. For example, if I made a C in one of my classes, which was considered acceptable and was rare for me, he would belittle me for not working harder and my grade should've been higher. Yes, my grade would've been higher, and it wasn't because I didn't try harder. It was because I was meeting his and my estranged mother's unrealistic expectations of me. Both of them were born in Liberia and when you are born to Liberian parents, one of the unrealistic expectations they put on their children is that they have to make all A's. I was on the A-B Honor Roll in school, but according to them, being my own person was unacceptable. They want you to become a manufactured version of what they envisioned. I'm afraid that I would adopt my estranged parent's abusive tactics and behavior towards my potential children. I don't want to end up like them. It's been nearly 15 years since I last saw them and never looked back. I can be myself and not having to worry about meeting anyone's unrealistic expectations. Plus, he refused to accept the fact that he had a gay son. I didn't officially come out to him until 2020 in an open letter.

Hypothetically speaking, if do decide to have children, I would be the best father ever. I would shower my son or daughter with unconditionally love and support. I sympathize with both men and women who decide to not have children for various reasons. Deciding to become a parent is optional, not a requirement. When women express that they don't want to have kids, they're considered as selfish. Meanwhile, no one bats an eyelash when people ask men if they plan on having children and are accepting of their answers. To me, that's a double standard. Having children isn't meant for everyone and that's okay. Not everyone wants to be a parent, and they can focus on their careers. If someone is already a parent, they can be parents and have a career. I'll put this point out there: women can be parents and have a successful career. They don't have to choose between one or the other. Last year, I wrote and published two stories regarding Harrison Butker, a kicker for the Kansas City Chiefs. He spoke at a commencement ceremony and made sexist and misogynistic comments about the roles of women, which caused major backlash. As of the writing of this story, Butker has yet to apologize for his offensive remarks. I have and always will stand up for the rights of all women. Women can achieve anything, but motherhood shouldn't be a requirement. As for me, being childless is the best decision for the sake of my mental well-being.

Let's get this conversation started in the comments section. Do you have the desire to have children in the future? Make sure you give this story a like, subscribe to my page on here, and generously leave a one-off tip at the end of this story to reward me for bringing you new stories here on Vocal.