The Past 7 Months

So… rewind back to Dec. 2021. Two days before Christmas to be exact. We were praying for a miracle.. See my beautiful mother had been diagnosed with Covid three weeks prior. She had only gotten worse. The doctors say that her lungs have taken exceptional damage and she is losing her battle to this demon we know as Covid. They suggest that the family be called in for decisions.

From day one of this I had a super bad feeling that it wasn’t going to turn out well.

Dec. 23, 2021 was the worst day of my life. An experience like no other and one that I don’t wish on my worst enemy.

Our family all meet at the hospital. We are put into a room where we are told doctors will talk with us soon. That we should be thinking about final decisions for my mother. My family members and I all sit in this room for a long 30 minutes (felt like hours). I slowly felt my heart sink and felt the air being sucked from my lungs.. I was going to have to say goodbye to my mother.

Two by two we go in and say our goodbyes. I’m the last one to go in. I know what I have to do. I have to say goodbye to her. I have to let her know that I will take care of my 15 year old sister. I have to tell her we will be okay. I have to let her go.

My family and I stood around my beautiful mother as she departed this life. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do but I know she isn’t suffering anymore, and that brings me so much peace.

Fast forward until today. A hot humid day in July. It’s been 7 months since my mother left this world and my life has not nor will it ever be the same without her. Family functions just don’t seem right. My family gets upset with me when they have gatherings and I don’t come around, but I wish they would understand that it is not because I don’t want to, it’s because it is so hard to attend family functions and my mother not be there.

These past 7 months have been a whirlwind. I’ve been happy, sad, depressed. I’ve been at my darkest moments. But one thing I know for sure. And that’s that my mother is still here with me, and even though she is not physically here with me, I can have peace in knowing that she was proud of me and would have done anything for me. I carry my beautiful mother in my heart daily.

Life is definitely not the same to say the least, but I will carry on my mothers legacy. And do the best I can in this life with the things she taught me.

My beautiful mother gained her angel wings and has been watching over me since the second she took her last breath. I feel her all around me. I will continue to do what I know would make her happy.

As I lay here in this bed this morning with my girlfriend, and the sun bursts through our bedroom window, I know without a doubt that it is my mother shining her light. Letting me know she is okay.

I love you Momma. Forever and ever. I will hold it down for you down here I promise. I will remember everything you’ve ever taught me and place it into our daily lives. Your grandchildren and family will always remember you.