The New American Dream For Women

There was a time when just about every little girl in America dreamed of her wedding day. She thought of a special day in the future, where she’d dress like a princess, invite all of her friends and family, and marry her Prince Charming. Then they would buy a house, have three or four children, and live happily ever after.

Thank you, Disney, for that rousing moment from the past. This is not the American Dream for all women anymore. The new American Dream for many women is quite different. Forgive us if we don’t care to bear your children, clean your house, make your dinner, and be your emotional punching bag. Times are changing.

Many of today’s women are educating themselves before immediately starting a family or even being in a committed relationship. Whether this is attending college, putting a career ahead of a family, learning a trade, or starting their own business, women are motivated now more than ever.

A huge goal for many motivated women is to be able to take care of themselves financially on their own. So many are committing to finishing their education and starting a career well before committing to a relationship that may or may not work out. They want to live life on THEIR terms, not a spouse’s.

I get it. It’s a wonderfully fulfilling feeling that you’re capable of doing as much or more financially than you need to be, on your own. This creates a feeling of accomplishment, self-esteem, and safety. Whether you’re a man, woman, gender-fluid, or anything else, most people would agree that financial security is important.

With the traditional family of the past becoming less common as we progress through the years, women are educating themselves at a higher rate than men.

“Women now comprise nearly 60 percent of enrollment in universities and colleges and men just over 40 percent, the National Student Clearinghouse Research Center reports. Fifty years ago, the gender proportions were reversed.”

That’s a giant swing in statistics. It’s showing that in the 70s, more women opted to marry and start families rather than educate themselves and start their own careers. Men traditionally had the role of being the main breadwinner, and the latest data shows that this is changing.

What are the reasons for this drastic change from the 70s until now? Simply, that women want to be viewed as equals instead of inferior or subordinate to men. Honestly, who can blame them? I wouldn’t want to be labeled as inferior to another person based solely on my gender.

The fact that church attendance has been on a sharp decline for a number of years supports this trend of women opting out of the traditional family role until later in life, if even at all. Many of the most popular religions including Christianity have always positioned the woman to be inferior and subjugated to the husband. While the husband is supposed to be good to his wife, he ultimately is the final decision-maker in the home. Thus sayeth the Lord.

Women aren’t trying to hear that in 2022. Back in the day, if a woman didn’t want to have children right away but rather wanted a college education after marriage, or to even work outside of the home, she had to run it by her husband first. If he wasn’t on board, most of the time it didn’t happen. This leads to resentment and sadness when you don’t have a spouse supporting the other’s hopes and dreams.

As time passed from the 70s to the 80s, women started becoming empowered. They started entering the workforce in record numbers. They were suddenly more visible in gyms and fitness classes. They became college attendees and graduates. They began to believe in their power as women and stepped it up as we headed into the 90s, 2000s, and now in 2022.

What did men do? The smart, well-adjusted, kind-hearted ones supported their partner’s dreams and goals. The ignorant, stubborn, macho ones got divorced. Women have the right to choose. Whether we’re talking about whether to marry, have children, keeping their reproductive rights, or anything else, women are just as intelligent and capable of making the best choices for themselves as men are.

I firmly believe in equality for all genders. The antiquated, religious-based idea that women must submit to their husband’s wishes is both childish and unrealistic. Why should the person you’re in a relationship with or married to get to decide every aspect of your life?

Men can just as easily cook as women. If you can read, you can cook, end of story. Operating a washer and dryer is just as easy to do with a penis as with a vagina. Stop being lazy and get some shit done around the house, fellas. You’re partners in life, this isn’t an employer/employee relationship.

Oh, you refuse? You run the show in your family? You feel you’re right about this because the Bible tells you so? Jesus was a sexist, eh? I think not. He was a highly insightful, intelligent, kind-hearted man. Can you say the same?

I have to say that I am so proud of my kids and their peers who put in the hard work during high school. We have a college sophomore who is thriving in his first experience living on his own at his college. We have a middle child who is gaining her first college experience at our local community college before transferring to the university our son is currently attending, next fall. Our senior in high school is finishing her final year and starting to prepare to apply to colleges.

These kids have been taught the importance of higher education and how to best stand on their own two feet, financially. I cannot imagine any of the three of them throwing away their dreams of a gratifying, financially-stable career and being able to provide for themselves before trying to start a family if they choose that option.

My middle daughter in particular has strict goals about what she wants for herself. She’s uninterested in a relationship at age 18. She’s mentioned on more than a few occasions how she plans on never having children. She wants to be the cool aunt who visits nephews and nieces, brings gifts, and then leaves at the end of the night back to her home with her pets and plants. I don’t doubt for a minute her sincerity about this.

She’s the prototypical middle child of our family. The super achiever in high school, graduating with a 4.13 GPA and involved in art, orchestra, improv club, acting, and musical theater. She’s been a go-getter and has kept herself so busy over the past four or five years. She wants to be a medical illustrator and will be attending Johns Hopkins for her master’s degree after getting her bachelor’s degree. I wouldn’t bet against her.

On my Bride’s side of the family, the women have earned the degrees. Mai has a master’s degree in counseling, her sister has her degree, and her two daughters have college degrees as well, while still working toward others. None of the men in the family so far have earned college degrees. One is highly successful in his career. This is similar to my side of the family, as well.

Women can do anything men can do and more. They can achieve all we are able to achieve, plus they can give birth. If men expect women to participate in the bad business deal we call marriage (betting half your shit your love lasts forever), then they had better step it up.

Be on her side. Be emotionally supportive. Move your ass once you’re home from work and do some dishes, entertain your kids, learn to use the vacuum, and be equal with your person. A woman doesn’t need a man as much as she did 50 years ago. Religion isn’t controlling as many people as it used to. Times are changing.

If you want to be married and possibly have a family of your own, you had better offer a situation that is just as appealing or more so than them choosing to stay single. Nobody with an education and a good career is going to choose to jump into a relationship and marriage that only brings resentment, discord, and disappointment.