The Mistake

Tovi was 9 years old when she found out she was sent here. Not because she was planned or wanted. Her parents were adulterers, very promiscuous individuals. They were also the type to not know how to face their consequences, in some cases their responsibilities. Her father was in a relationship with another woman, a friend of Mothers at the time. She stuck around after she was born though, good woman. Her mother was also in a relationship of her own with a man that served in the military. At the beginning he assumed Tovi was his child. Tovi is short for Tov Me'od. It means strength. Which she is full of. Tovi was her mother's youngest child. She was raised with an older brother in the home with her and her mother. She had special gifts that she never understood until she was 9 years old. She would have these dreams about other children she had never seen before. They wouldn't talk but they always gave her a warm smile and hug and played with her at this park. Her dream would always be at a park with clouds around them. She started to think it was a park in heaven that she would visit. It was always the same 8 kids. One looked just like her, but he was a boy. Same face, he had fresh braids every time. Him and Tovi would have on the same colors too while everyone else is in different colors.

One day, Tovi and her brother King came home from school and their mother wasn't there. She left them a note that she went to work and that King should warm them up dinner and do their home work. King was older so of course he was in charge of them both. He told Tovi he would warm the food after they do homework. Tovi sat in the kitchen at the table and started on her work. Then she seen a fly, it would fly in her face and then fly up to the kitchen light. Tovi grabbed the broom after the 6th time the fly flew on her nose. She swung that broom so hard trying to hit that fly and them " CLING" "CLASH". Nothing but glass is raining on Tovi's head. She had broken the light cover and light bulbs in the kitchen. King runs in the kitchen scared and confused and just knew that they would both be in trouble for this. They clean up the mess and King replaced the light bulbs in the kitchen. They were terrified of their mother. Her anger would get out of control sometimes to where they never knew how bad a disciplinary action would be, until it was over. With King being older he was more immune to the abuse than Tovi. Once their mother came home it was a whip show once she seen the kitchen light. King told and said it was all Tovi. There was no talking needed. She never asked them too much for their side of the story. It didn't matter. No mistakes were to be made. King was whooped first to get his out the way and then it would be Tovi's turn. Mother would make them strip naked and kneel down aside the couch and put their heads in the pillow. If they moved, there were more hits added.

" You can never just sit there and not fuck up" Mother yelled at Tovi "Dumb as shit just like your stupid ass Daddy that never comes to take you off my fucking hands" "You act just like his dumb ass" "He's not shit and you ain't either" "Dumb ass muthafucka"

These are the words Tovi would hear as she is being hit with a belt, cord of some sort, a shoe, whatever the mother could find.

" Should have just aborted yo ass when I scheduled the appointment" Tovi looked up at Mother in confusion. "Yes, that's right. I was going to abort yo ass" " If only I didn't let that little dream scare me" " Cause I probably wouldn't have died with you" " It was probably just a damn dream or the hormones" "Should of let them suck you right the fuck out" "Didn't nobody want no baby with a nothing ass nigga!" "He don't even give a fuck about you" "That's why he don't come get your ugly ass" " Big King dead and he's still a better Daddy than your Daddy would ever be" " That's why you not gone be shit" And the hits continued.

Mother hated herself for her foolishness with Tovi's father and she showed it every chance she got. Tovi was hurt by the news of Mother not wanting her. She was heart broken. She started to feel as if neither parent really wanted her and that she was a mistake. She cried herself to sleep that night. A 9 year old hurting inside and out. She cried herself into a sleep to where she was surrounded again by these children of the clouds. They spoke to her this time. She found out those children were abortions before her and her twin brother. It all made sense now. The boy that always wore the same color as her in the dreams was her twin sibling. The others were her older siblings. Two of them older than King.

Stepping into this world for Tovi was so exciting to her now. She knew she wasn't alone. Her siblings told her that they sent the dream to Mother. Showing her that she would kill herself if she aborted Tovi. At the time she was not informed that there were 2. Mother cancelled the appointment but was not being healthy for Tovi or Jah. Jah was Tovi's twin brother. So, with Mother not eating and caring for the babies Jah was miscarried. Mother thought she had succeed with terminating the pregnancy. The doctors had to inform her that she was still pregnant with 1. Mother was not happy. Not happy at all. Tovi was then born early and fought for her life. Was named Tovi by her God Mother for her strength of all going on.

Tovi started detaching more and more from Mother and more and more into herself. She fell in love with herself then. So much more beauty came along with that self love. She no longer thought of herself as the problem. More as the blessing with a purpose. She was sent here from heaven.