The Inheritance

“A nice little windfall,” I said to myself, looking at the check for $20,000.

My dog raised his head, stared at me, then huffed a sigh and laid his snout back down onto his paws. I had interrupted his nap. Well, his latest nap. He takes several a day.

“You could use a new harness, you know,” I reminded him, “and I could use a vacation.”

Charlie rolled onto his side and grunted, which was his way of making clear his views regarding both of my suggestions. He never liked my ideas unless they involved food or walks.

My dad called later that evening; said he’d heard the good news.

“How did you hear about it?” I queried warily. “I haven’t told anyone except the dog, and I’m fairly sure he didn’t say anything to anyone. He hasn’t even been out of the house except to pee.”

“Very funny, kiddo,” my dad responded. “Paul told me you found a new boyfriend.”

“A new boyfr—Dad, that’s just wishful thinking. I’m still dating Paul.”

“Darn. When he said he was afraid you’d found someone new, I told him I’d celebrate with you tonight.”

“Dad,” I groaned, “you make the situation harder when you tell him things like him. He takes you seriously.”

“Good. I meant it seriously.”

“I do have some actual good news, by the way. I received a check today for the money from Aunt Verline’s will.”

“Whatcha gonna do with it? Tell me you’re not taking Paul anywhere.”

I rolled my eyes. “No, it’ll get spent on Charlie and me.”

“You could invest it.”

“I could.”

“You won’t though, will you?”

“Nope.”

“Get a new car?”

“My Honda is fine, Dad. It’s only four years old.”

“How about a bike?”

“I have a bicycle and that’s the only bike I need. Charlie even likes it. I mean, he likes running alongside it. Maybe I’ll get it repainted blue instead of red.”

“Why blue?”

“Because Charlie can’t see red, but he can see blue.”

“And that matters?”

“I’m sure it does to Charlie.”

“Maybe you should have Paul run alongside it too. He needs to lose a few pounds.”

“Oh, Dad,” I sighed, trying not to be amused.

“Your mom likes that idiot.”

“Yes, she’s said so.”

My mom called me at 5:30 a.m. the next morning. “Are you up, honey?”

“No, I am still asleep, and this call is part of a recurring nightmare I’ve had my entire life.”

“Are you going to do anything special with Aunt V’s money? She wanted you to do something special, you know.”

“I know. She told me that every time she said she’d named me in her will. Like a thousand times.”

“I think she wanted you to get married with it.”

“She wanted that, did she?” I turned on the bedside lamp. Charlie trotted out the bedroom door, his nails clicking on the floor as he crossed the hall. I could picture him waiting for me at the back door. Nature called.

“You could get Paul to marry you.”

“I’ve known Paul a total of what, eight months, going on nine? I am not going to marry him. Certainly not now. Probably not ever. But I promise to find something special to do with Aunt V’s money, just not with Paul, and not with a wedding dress.”

“Time is passing you by. If you wait much longer, it’ll be too late for children. You could go for artificial insemination. But you’d have to do that now seeing as you’re heading toward fifty.”

“Mom, I’m forty-one. And you have six grandchildren already.”

“I would love a seventh.”

“Stace says she might get pregnant again. So, you just might get your wish after all.”

“You have such pretty eyes. It’d be a shame not to pass them down to a daughter. Or even a son, although I think they’d be better on a girl.”

I said nothing to this. This was an old argument and there was no winning it.

“Maybe I’ll adopt another dog. Charlie could use a canine companion.”

“Dogs! That’s all you ever think about.”

“Not true. I think about food as well. And walks with Charlie.” I sniggered to myself. My dog and I had a lot in common.

Later, I took out the little black notebook in which I’d written my dream ideas for the money from my great-aunt. I’d started with a month-long trip to Tuscany and worked my way down to a weekend in Montreal. The rest could go in savings, I told myself. Or it could all go for savings. I wasn’t fussed.

Paul called the next day and I told him about the inheritance. He asked if we were going to Montreal together.

“I’m not sure I want to go anywhere. I might get another dog.”

“Another dog? Isn’t one enough? You won’t get another big one, will you?”

“Why?” I asked curiously.

“Because bigger dogs take more money. They’ll eat through that twenty grand like it’s nothing. And then we won’t get to go on vacation.”

I was silent for a long time. Evidently, that made Paul nervous because he asked, “Are you still there?”

I laughed. “Yeah, I’m here. Charlie’s not hungry enough to kill me and eat me if that’s what you’re worried about. Although it is almost dinnertime and you know how bossy he gets when it’s time to eat. He wants his share of that twenty grand.”

A few afternoons later, I rode my bicycle through the park for an hour, with Charlie trotting beside me. We stopped to watch the creek flowing lazily and listened to birds calling to each other. What I like most about Charlie is that he never asks anything of me other than my presence and an occasional belly rub.

When we got back into cellphone range, I found a message had been left by my best friend, Ray. I called her back as I drove home.

“Hi, Ray, what’s up?”

“Did you hear what happened to Paul this morning?”

“No. Is it something I really need to know?”

“Well, yeah. He got arrested for stealing from the store. I told you he was a schemer.”

“Yeah, but my mom liked him.”

“Why would you listen to her? Your mom’s judgement has always been suspect. Remember those weird brown tights she made you wear with the pink tutu and orange bodysuit for our ballet classes?”

“She’s color blind, so she has no concept of what really goes with what.”

“Uh, sure. But she had to notice their paisley pattern. Like I said, weird. And what about that time she thought her lipstick was a roll-on perfume dispenser and she ended up with three bright red lines crossing her neck like she’d just been garroted? Then she laughed and said she was starting a new trend from Bland’s House of Horror, and the boring old bloodline was demanding to be spilled. Remember that one?”

“She’s still embarrassed about that story. You should stop repeating it,” I chided my friend on a giggle, my mind going back to the banal jokes (our last name being Bland, after all) about horror movies that had bounced around the household for three days. Mom had taken the ribbing well from her five dull kids and cornball husband, which is what she calls us still.

“Then there was the time she—”

“Yeah, yeah, so my mother’s judgement is not always to be relied on, I’ll give you that.”

“So, what are you gonna do about Paul? Don’t you have stuff at his house? Does he have anything at yours?”

I hadn’t had time to consider that sort of thing yet and I reminded Ray of that testily. She didn’t say anything back, so I thought about the situation and said, “He’s been using the closet in the spare room, so I’ll pack up what’s in there and take it to the police. I think all I have at his house is some makeup and I don’t care what happens to that. Well, I’m just about home. Gotta go. Thanks for the heads up.”

This was certainly the easiest way I’d ever broken up with a boyfriend.

Later, when I called to tell my mom that Paul was gone from my life and why, she was, as usual, fatalistic about it. “I knew I shouldn’t have liked him; he never wiped his feet before coming into the house.”

“Then he should die a horrible death.”

“Mock me all you want, but a man who won’t do that, well, he’s not worth keeping.”

“I promise to watch for that with future boyfriends. That’ll be my deal-breaker.”

“Oh, you! Look, I have to run. I told Marnie I’d fill in for her today at Pine Crest. She plays piano for the residents there as entertainment and I wouldn’t want to disappoint anyone by being late.”

“Yes, I recall you saying something about that the other day. Have fun, but don’t play any Nelly songs and freak out the old folks.”

“Honey, I don’t know what a nelly song is.”

“Obviously, because Nelly’s a who not a what.”

I heard her exasperated sigh. “Have you decided what you’re going to do with your inheritance yet?”

“I’m going to get Nelly’s face tattooed on my ass so you’ll know what he looks like.”

“That’s probably the best use for it. Your ass, I mean, not the money. You can think of something better to do with the money, I’m sure. Bye. I love you.”

I again took out my little black notebook, perused my list of ideas, and contemplated things like the passage of time, the meaning of life, and what my goals should be. After two minutes of that madness, I came to a decision.

Six months later, my mom and dad and I were, as usual, having a difference of opinion.

“Really, you don’t think it’s too small?” I asked, craning my neck to see how I looked from the back. There was a large mirror behind me. “Brian’s mom told him my ass is too big.”

“You have your mother’s ass, honey, and I’ve never said hers was anything other than sublime,” my dad pointed out smoothly.

Mom scoffed. “True, he’s never said that, but I’m pretty sure he’s thought it once or twice.”

Outraged, Dad retorted, “I never!”

I looked at the seamstress, who was trying to hide a smile. “They’ve been like this all my life. And I’m happy to say, my fiancé and I have a similar relationship. But he likes my tattoo, while they don’t.” I pulled down the scalloped neckline of the wedding dress to reveal a small phoenix tattoo.

“Is your fiancé from around here?” the seamstress asked.

“Yes, but we met in Tuscany. I went to Italy on vacation for a month and Brian had rented the apartment next door. We couldn’t believe how much we had in common, and we even got matching tattoos over our hearts while we were there.”

It was true, I had spent much of my inheritance on my dream trip, found a man I deeply love, who adores me and my dog, and who even wipes his feet before coming into the house. And my bicycle, repainted bright blue, looks fabulous next to Brian’s dark green one. Charlie, in his new harness, enjoys nothing more than running alongside us on our bikes; well, that and a good steak, if he can get it. The extra belly rubs from Brian don’t go amiss either.

I thought about the list in my notebook and remembered Aunt V’s advice the last time I saw her alive: “Chances, honey, you gotta take chances. That’s really what I’m giving you, is a chance for something more in your life.”

I think she’d be happy with what I did with my inheritance…especially the tattoo.