The Hat

“Get this, Janice: according to the book Amos gave me for Mother’s Day, a five-gallon bucket with a bunch of holes drilled in it can be used to keep crabs alive during the time from catching them to getting them into your cook pot. I mean, didn’t you always wonder how to keep crabs alive between the boat and the stovetop? A book about catching crabs! For Mother’s Day! I haven’t actually read the book, mind you, I just noticed that little fun fact about the bucket when I was leafing through it. You know, to be polite. And, Janice, he was so excited for me to open it…I mean, when he handed me the package, I knew there was a book inside, you know how you can always tell when it’s a book. But he was all nervous and squirmy, like he was proposing to me or something. Honestly! What on earth would possess him to give me a book like that, I ask you? We live in Denver, for heaven’s sake, not a fresh crab in sight for at least two thousand miles, probably more. I mean, what was he thinking? I guess it’s just one of those throwback moments to his childhood in Mississippi. Crabs! Mother Mary, I’ve never been so surprised in my life, not even when he did propose to me! But going crabbing with his granddad was one of his favorite things to do as a kid, to get him out of the house for a couple of days here and there, and away from that awful daddy of his.”

“Do you think it’s getting worse, Emma?”

“I don’t know, Janice, I don’t know. Most of the time he’s just like his old self. You know Amos. He’s quiet, he’s gentle, he’s generous, and he looks after me in ways I still don’t understand, even after 36 years of marriage. Then on the other hand he still doesn’t know how to wipe off a countertop after he finishes cooking or to move the furniture back into place after he runs the vacuum cleaner. But he’s always been like that, it isn’t because he’s getting older or maybe even . . . No, I don’t even want to say it.”

“Listen, Emma, maybe there are some tests, you know, maybe something you can find online? Or some simple questions you could ask him?”

“Oh, gosh, I can’t do that. He wouldn’t hear of it; I know that for sure.”

“Well, but I’m not saying to take him to a doctor. I’m just saying maybe you could do a bit of exploring to find out if there are some things you could do at home. You know, not obvious but still meaningful things you could ask him? Or little hints? Like, tests you could do that he wouldn’t even know were tests, but would still give you some indication whether he … well, if he … you know what I’m saying.”

“Yes. Yes, maybe. That could be a good idea. I don’t know. Maybe I should ask Heather what she thinks.”

“Why? Has she said something?”

“Oh, you know Heather. She’s the most detail-oriented person I’ve ever met, that’s for sure. She notices everything. I mean, nothing gets by that girl. Maybe it’s because she’s a scientist, I don’t know. She’s asked me some pretty uncomfortable questions the last few months, I’ll say that.”

“About Amos, you mean? Or about other things?”

“Oh, about me, mostly. She said she saw my hand shaking – wait, no, no, that’s not right. She said that my head was shaking. That was it, my head. I ask you, Janice, is my head shaking?”

“No, not that I can see.”

“I didn’t think so. I would think that if my head was shaking I would know it, wouldn’t I? And I’ll admit I got a bit testy with Heather. I’ve always tried to be extra patient with her because I think it was hard for her to be so much smarter than most of the kids in school for so many years. Personally, I think she was even smarter than some of her teachers, especially the ones she had in junior high. And Darren always resented her too because he was older and he thought he had a right to be smarter than her just because she was his little sister. Well, Darren had his own issues, but he’s done all right for himself, in spite of all the setbacks. And my head does not shake! But Heather, you know, she dotes on Amos, and I think maybe she doesn’t notice things about him just because of that; or, at least if she does notice things then she’s never mentioned it to me. I mean, ever since he got her out of that wreck . . .”

“What? Emma! That was, what? Twenty years ago?”

“I know! I’m telling you, before the accident Heather and Amos were always at sixes and sevens, you remember, don’t you? Ever since she wanted to dissect the trout she caught when Amos was teaching her how to fish. Nine years old and she’d rather dissect a trout than cook it over a campfire! He just couldn’t understand why certain things were important to her, and she couldn’t understand why her just being curious made him so upset. But after how he pried open that window and dragged her out before the car blew up, after that he could simply do no wrong. It’s true! Even when she made that loan so he could invest in Darren’s tech start-up and then when it went belly-up and Amos couldn’t pay her back, she never said one negative word to him. And you know how she is about technology! Always going on about the latest, best thing! She had to be disappointed about that!”

“That’s not a good example, though, Emma, because it would’ve been Darren that Heather was mad at, not Amos.”

“Oh, gosh, yes. I suppose you’re right about that. Well, if she was mad at Darren about losing his business, I never heard about it. I never did understand why he thought he had to make it into an IPA, or an IPO, or whatever it was, but Heather was behind him all the way, she even put some money into it herself, did I tell you? I mean, besides what she loaned to Amos. Either way, I’m just saying that I don’t know whether or not I should ask Heather for help with this question about Amos. About his . . . his . . .”

“Faculties?”

“Yes, I suppose so. His faculties. Oh, Janice, I can’t bear to think . . .”

“Emma, don’t you worry. Now, take a deep breath. How about that gorgeous hat he gave you to wear to church on Easter Sunday? Think about that! What a stunner, with those lovely little marigolds on it! How did he even know that’s your favorite flower? And how many husbands would be so imaginative to pick out something like that for a woman they were married to for 36 years? Huh? I ask you!”

“Oh, Janice. The hat. You are being so kind and supportive, as you always have been, ever since we were kids. You always know how to perk me up, dear Janice. You know how much I love you, don’t you? But, Janice think about it. You know I don’t wear hats. Never in nearly four decades have I worn a hat, unless you count those silly sun hats I used to wear back when we had the convertible, and those never stayed on my head anyway. All that wind. My goodness. That was a fun adventure, though. I mean, I agree with you about his imagination, and you’re right: the hat is beautiful. Sitting up there on the closet shelf in the box it came in. But, Janice. I don’t wear hats. And I’m allergic to crab.”