The greatest sorrow of a family: the father loses his voice, the mother is loud and the children are voiceless

Yan Zhen's novel "The Water of Canglang" portrays an unfortunate and common family.

The man, Ji Dawei, has no understanding of the world, is busy with his work, and has no voice at home.

His wife is a hot-tempered woman who is always yammering, accusing her husband of being weak and incompetent, or scolding her children for not listening to her.

The son was influenced by the two, slowly became autistic, unwilling to communicate with others.

The parents' mouth is the child's road, but also the family's road.

An absent father and an agitated mother will surely raise a child who is afraid to speak out and create an unfortunate family.

01/Father lost his voice

In this aspect of educating children, more and more fathers are becoming silent and slowly invisible.

Psychologist Hu Shenzhi said: 90% of the shortcomings in life come from the absence of a father's love.

In the variety show "Gold Mediation", there was a family on the verge of collapse.

The father is usually busy at work and only comes home on weekends, and is seldom involved in the education of his son.

The son's life, living, education tasks all fell on the mother's head, days long, into adolescence son began to disobedience.

At this time, the mother turned to the father, hoping that he could take out the father's majesty to control his son.

But the father is not willing to be the bad guy, worried about the son hate, always keep silent, cold eyes.

Later, the son finally became incomprehensible, as long as the mom said he, he pulled his hair, crying, crazy.

Behind every unfortunate family, there is a silent man.

Whether it is family or education, it never depends on one person to do well, it needs two people, husband and wife, to work together in order to be beautiful.

The father is the one who determines the child's character and sets the trajectory of the child's life, and fatherhood education cannot be missing or replaced.

Home is a two-person dance, don't turn into a one-person monologue.

The happiest model of a family is one in which the heart and hands are in harmony and work together.

02/Mother's voice

When Eileen Chang remembers her mother, an angry face always comes to mind.

When she was a child, there was once a guest in the house, and when she realized that there was no place for the guest to sit, she struggled to bring in a chair.

When she heard the floor being rubbed with a loud noise, her mother was instantly annoyed.

She yelled in front of all the guests, "What are you doing? Pig!"

On another occasion, Eileen Chang came down with typhoid fever, and her body was in excruciating pain.

Her mother complained, "You are a pest! You only drag others down. I really shouldn't care about you."

These words completely hurt Eileen Chang.

Even when her mother was seriously ill in her later years and hoped that her daughter would come to visit her, Eileen only sent a small amount of money over the phone.

There is a term in education called "weather station mother".

It means that the mother's voice determines the child's sense of security.

When the mother speaks harshly and violently, the child is filled with negative emotions such as self-loathing, fear and sadness;

When the mother's words are warm, warm and quiet, the child is full of sunshine, happy, confident and optimistic and other positive factors.

Prof. Honglan said: in a family, the greater the volume of the mother, then the more unfortunate the family.

Come to think of it, this is true.

A happy family and good education should be "silent".

Liang Zai Bing once talked about his mother, Lin Hui Yin.

Their family fled from Beiping to Kunming to avoid the war.

On the way, they went through sickness and hunger, but Lin Huiyin always smiled at them, and she hardly ever got angry or complained.

She sang songs, read poems, and tried her best to let her children feel the joy of life, even when the conditions were hard.

Her emotions infected Liang Zaibing, and warmed the broken and displaced family during the war.

Liang Zaibing's childhood and youth were accompanied by war, but her mother's gentleness gave her great comfort.

A mother's heart is her child's energy.

A stable, calm and soft-spoken mother is the most precious treasure of a family.

03/The child is silent

There is a girl named Li Yijin in The Smoking House.

She was smart and lively since she was a child, and was very likeable.

But when she went to school, everything changed.

Her parents were worried that she would be a bad student and kept her under strict control:

When her friends got bad grades, her parents were adamant that they break off contact;

When a student got into an argument with someone, her parents blamed her for not getting into trouble in the future;

The parents blame her for being complacent when she wins a prize in an exam.

In this way, Li Yi Jin in the parents under the tightening of the character more and more cowardly: bullied by others do not dare to fight back, encountered bad things, will only be their own silent tolerance.

When he comes home from school, he no longer interacts with his family and becomes a machine that only learns.

In the short term, under her parents' control, Li Yi Jin has become what they want - a quiet, good girl.

But the truth is, when parents are controlling, a child's journey is usually like this: initial compliance, midway compromise, and finally resistance.

When parents push the child to the point of no return, the child will develop a rebellious mind, rejecting everything the parents do.

Sure enough, wrapped in suffocating love, Li Yi Jin eventually rebelled.

She had boyfriends that her mother didn't like, went away to places far away from her mother, and repeatedly tried to run away from her mother.

Prof. Li Meijin said this:

"The cruelest education is to make a child afraid of you. If a child is bullied by his parents at home, he will certainly be bullied by the whole world.

Parents should allow their children to talk back and rebel appropriately, and not be their children's first bullies.

Don't always be on your high horse, to blame criticize or even abuse your child, and to pose as if I am the authority."

If parents are not willing to understand their children's emotions and pay attention to what they are telling them.

It will only allow the child to grow into a defective personality, low self-esteem, apathy, and even autism.

In a good family, there is no emotional void.

An emotional response to a child will be like a ray of light illuminating the child's world, making the child feel loved, understood and seen.

The timely response of parents is the bottom of the child's ability to face the world.