The Great Missing Teeth Mystery

The year was 1963. This was my first summer working for my grandfather at his gas station in Guthrie Kentucky. I had been settling in and had a good routine going into the 3rd week of June. I was comfortable with my duties at the station and was happy to be making good money for the summer. Daddy Fox paid in cash on Fridays and I loved folding those bills and stuffing them into my pocket each week.

The weekend came and I had to work on Saturday morning but was off on Sunday and looked forward to Miz Burchett’s big Sunday meal.  There was no sign of religion in my grandfather’s life so the only difference on a Sunday was the food. Miz Burchett was a very good cook and spent her days shopping for food and gathering vegetables from the large garden behind the motel. My favorite meal was her fried chicken, mashed potatoes and gravy, vegetables, (especially green beans) and sweet tea.

Miz Burchett had two sons, Bill and Bob. They were in their late thirties when I was there, and Bob would take over for me at the gas station on Saturday afternoons and Sunday. Both brothers worked for Daddy Fox at his other businesses.  I woke up early on Saturday morning to the wonderful smells of Miz Burchett’s breakfast.  Then I left to open the gas station and work my half day until Bob arrived. I carried a bank pouch that contained the cash and change I would need for the day and it was my job to fill the register, turn on the pumps, check the oil bottles that needed filling and make sure the vending machines were filled.

About those oil bottles...it was common in those days to sell really cheap 30 weight oil from a large drum. There was a hand operated pump attached to the valve on top and my job was to fill glass oil bottles and put them in a wooden box to sell to customers. Most cars of that era used a straight weight oil and it was really cheap at under a dollar a quart. But the station made money because Daddy Fox bought the large drums at a huge discount from a buddy in Guthrie.

After finishing my chores I could take off and walk over to the motel for lunch. Then I usually helped Miz Burchett in the garden or mowed the grass on a riding mower that Daddy Fox always fussed about because I would drive it too fast and zip around cars in the parking lot. Fortunately I had no mishaps and eventually he just gave up with his fussing and would just shake his head from the couch as I roared by the big picture window on way to the large yard in front of the motel.

Sunday was really great as I got to sleep in as Miz Burchett cooked breakfast late. Of course Daddy Fox had been up for hours as he was an early riser.

I was going through a phase of playing tricks and pranks on the family and decided that Daddy Fox needed to become a victim. I guess I never really thought this through but anyway....I decided to play a trick on him because he had a strange habit that was a bit disgusting during the dessert portion of our Sunday afternoon meal.

Miz Burchett would almost always cook fried chicken with lots of vegetables on Sunday afternoon and generally make some kind of wonderful dessert like a cake or pie. I loved this day of rest and food as eating was an important part of life for Daddy Fox and Miz Burchett went out of her way to make sure he was well fed.

So it was on this particular Sunday afternoon that I decided to prank my grandfather. Oh, about that strange habit with desserts, you see Daddy Fox did not really like sweets like pies and cakes so his choice of dessert on Sunday was white Sunbeam bread dipped in "sweet milk." There were two kinds of milk in the Fox household, sweet milk and buttermilk. Sweet milk was just regular whole milk in a carton but Daddy Fox called it that for as long as I can remember. He would finish his meal and then ask Miz Burchett for a big glass of sweet milk. Then he would turn his back and take out his false teeth and put them in a glass of water on a side table. He would turn back, take a slice of bread, tear it into strips, dunk it into the milk and gum it.

Ok, I know this sounds disgusting but actually it was funny as he would make strange sounds and faces to make us laugh. And because his false teeth probably hurt after hours of wearing them it felt good to have them out and just gum the soft bread dipped in milk. Miz Burchett would alway look disgusted at first but could not hold in the laughter as Daddy Fox made faces at us and gummed his dessert. Eventually she would give in and break out in a huge fit of laughter. I would break down as well and Sunday dinner would be complete.

Later that night after all were in bed I snuck in the grandparents room and stole the false teeth in the water glass off the dresser and hid them in the cabinet in the kitchen. Well, you can imagine the reaction the next morning. I was awakened by loud voices from the bedroom next to mine as Daddy Fox cursed and fussed looking for his missing teeth. All of a sudden my prank did not seem so funny as I realized that I would be in big trouble as he was very upset and could not figure out what had happened to his teeth. I should mention that his cussing and fussing was not really intelligible as he had NO Teeth in his mouth.

I got up and poked my head in the door as Miz Burchett looked up from the bed and we made eye contact with Daddy Fox's mumbly voice pouring out of the bathroom as he frantically searched for his missing teeth. As I looked at Miz Burchett and choked back a laugh I realized that she knew at that moment who the culprit was in this little morning drama. She burst out laughing and I ran into the kitchen to grab the missing teeth. Miz Burchett beckoned to me to give her the glass and shifted her ample frame as quick as she could across the bed and put the glass on the lower shelf of the nightstand next to where Daddy Fox slept. I smiled at her and nodded my head and ducked back into my bedroom as Daddy Fox came storming out of the bathroom. Miz Burchett calmly asked him if he had looked on the nightstand.

He replied, "Why in the hell would I look on the nightstand when I always put my teeth on the dresser." But it really came out, "Fy n da hel vood I luuk on da neetstan wheen I aways pit my teef on da dreffer."

I heard this, started laughing again and then heard Miz Burchett start up again and Daddy Fox suddenly realized that he had been had. We never admitted who had hid the teeth and this story became one told over and over through the years with Daddy Fox laughing and swearing that it was both of us that had planned the Great Missing Teeth Mystery. Daddy Fox had a wonderful booming laugh that I loved. He was truly a wonderful grandfather.