The extrovert turns into an introvert to the max

A little bit of back story. As soon as my husband and I got married we decided we wanted to have a baby. We were both working and ready to emotionally and financially bring a new life to this world. I got pregnant, pretty much right away and we could not be any happier. We had had all our talks about what we were going to do when our little girl had arrived. We both were not comfortable with leaving her with anyone we didn't know and decided our best choice was for me to become a stay-at-home mom until she got old enough to start school. I was so ready for her arrival and to start this new life, the three of us. There are all these stigmas about working moms vs. stay-at-home moms that I just ignored. I thought to myself "We'll see what happens when she comes. It'll be ok."

Now while I was working, I was the ultimate extrovert. I loved talking to coworkers or customers/patients and doing whatever I could to help anyone in need. Any place I worked I made friends and was told I was a good listener or helped people on a bad day. Mind you, I worked in an Urgent Care at one point and I saw a lot of people on their bad days. I also worked at a convenience store, where everyone called me their personal bartender because I listened to their problems at the end of their workdays. I loved it, I loved cracking a joke and making someone smile, or just being a set of ears for them. I rose up in the ranks fairly quickly and got offered the job of Lead of the Urgent Care the week after I had my daughter. But I knew I was going to stay home with her and quit. Little did I know just how much my personality would change.

When I was pregnant, my Doctor warned me all about the stuff new moms have done out of fear to protect their newborns. I understood some of the examples she gave but never thought that would be me. After my daughter was born, I had my husband at home with me for the first two weeks. Once those were over, which seemed like the blink of an eye, it was just me and her. Little did I know just how anti-social I was becoming. I would not contact anyone, family or friends. When people contacted me, I made every excuse not to hang and be away from my baby. I barely left the house. I never got ready, and barely even got dressed. Then, shortly after her first birthday a pandemic started.

I didn't know that the fear of the outside world could get much worse, but it did. I never thought I would live through a pandemic, let alone raise a baby in one. As we saw the death toll rising, I could feel my fear getting stronger, and leaving the house felt almost impossible. My Daughter is now almost two years old and we are still in the thick of it, not much has changed.

I have not been able to tell anyone about how much my personality has changed because I feel like they just will not understand. I'm sure everyone sees it, but it is not something anyone brings up to me. It is just not talked about. I may not be able to fully talk about it just yet with family or friends but maybe someone dealing with the same issues reading this story can see that they are not alone.