The Day I Lost My Great-Grandmother

It was as time flew with the quickness of a dove.

Heavenly lights must have rained down from parted clouds in the sky and a rainbow winding staircase to accept this beautiful soul of a woman into the kingdom of God. No other lady can replace her in my life as she had her own special, grand place in my life, and held a special place in my heart. My great grandmother. Oh how I miss her dearly, she had taken great care of me as a small child. Her sunset was in May of 2020, the worst year of my life. Even though it was by nature she departed, it could not have been at the most despicable time. Corona virus had just begun to plague the world, and I lost my daytime job doing something I actually somewhat enjoyed. I was already down on my luck, it was as if gray clouds had formed above my head as an omen, then the lightnening, and thunder, and hard rain followed. A thunderstorm of the inevitable ills of what we call life.

My great grandmother was my hero. She gave me exceptional advice when I really needed it and comforted me with her big hugs and warm tone of voice. Although all of my family members are special and important to me, as I said before there was no one like Granny. I can remember the wake and funeral service as if it only happened hours ago. The day of the wake, I went to the local funeral home with my parents and my daughter. We agreed to meet my grandma(my great grandmother's only daughter and my mother's mother) there, and my aunt and cousin would arrive later. The inside of the funeral home seemed a bit dark and stuffy, and strangely so quiet and still...

There was a reception desk where we entered, my grandma was already there speaking with a man who worked there. The viewing room was opened, and my parents and I went straight in while my grandma held on to my daughter for the time being. The room was brightly lit, and there were 3 rows of 10 chairs on either side of the room. At the front of the room was a long open casket. It seemed as though the three of us were treading through water to reach it.

There she was. The glue that bonded the whole family together, the lady with the warm sweet like honey voice that comforted and took good care of so many people, as she was a school and family teacher to her daughter, my grandmother, and her grandchildren, my mother and aunt and great granchildren, myself and my first cousin. I was happy that in her final days, she got to meet my daughter, her great, great grand daughter, and that we captured the moment on film. To see that picture that definitley speaks a thousand words brings both a smile to my lips and tears to my eyes. She had been so full of joy and life in that moment holding my daughter of only 6 months at the time. And as I had now gazed at her lying so still and silent that day of the viewing, the moment felt all too surreal.

My granny looked quite different that day. I wanted to believe it was not her lying there. But reality checked me, and then I found myself saying in my head, "Maybe she will open her eyes and smile and this is all a joke that she's not going anywhere any time soon..." But that was also silly and a bit of a stretch.. I remember crying silently standing before her not wanting to accept the whole ordeal. I remember my mom saying that the morticians made her look beautiful. My dad didn't say too much. With that, we all left. My grandma stayed behind still meeting with the funeral home receptionist/director and just as us four were leaving, my aunt and cousin were arriving. The drive home was long and silent.

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The day of the funeral was even worse...

There was a great many of my great grandmother's church family including the pastor who directed the service, and some of her Sunday school students. A lady she had taught with even showed up to speak and share her fond memories of the beautiful friendship they had. The service was held outside in a cemetery about fifteen minutes from where my family and I lived. We were all sitting in chairs under sturdy white tents and where my grandmother would be lowered into her grave was behind a brown podium where the pastor, church family, and her teacher friend all spoke. The sky was overcast that day of the service. Small rays of sunshine peaked out from behind the pale grey clouds every other minute or so. After having a second viewing of my great grandmother before she was lowered into the earth, it still felt like I didn't have enough time to say goodbye. This was the final goodbye. Remembering the times I'd go and visit with her at the nursing home she had lived in her final years, it seemed after every visit I anticipated this day to come of the funeral. I was always sad having to leave her there. She was always so happy to see me and I would hug her tightly and kiss her forehead, telling her how much I loved her. I would always visit her on her birthdays and we'd celebrate with cake and ice cream and take pictures together with my mom, grandma, aunt and cousin, and even the lady who ran the nursing home.

My great grandmother was a well known, exceptional woman. She touched many hearts and minds with her kind wise spirit, and with a blink of an eye it seemed, she had to go. It had been 97 years she was here, but even that amount of time was not long enough for such a wonderful person. My great grandmother's passing will be a life long wound I will carry...it will never heal.

~ ❥❥❥ ~