The Bridge Ladies and the Hor'Doerves

An old man remembers the days of his youth...as told to his granddaughter. "My mother worked at a bank when I was a young man growing up in Montreal."

He looked at Kristy to make sure she was listening and continued with his story. " This is what happened. My mother whose name was Helena, usually had a small gathering of six or seven ladies over for bridge each week to play cards. Well, one bridge evening she left the Royal Bank and hurried to her car. She sped out of the parking lot and headed for home. She was running late for her bridge game and was expecting six ladies from the community at her house in about fifteen minutes."

Grandpa John leaned back in his rocker, and turned to Kristy, a dreamy look on his face as he continued with his story. "Great Grandma Helena pulled into her driveway and parked her car.

She ran up the stairs to the bathroom and washed her hands. Down the stairs, she flew and into the kitchen. Walking over to the refrigerator she took out a brick of cheddar cheese and a plate with some left-over ham on it. She then walked over to the middle cupboard and retrieved the Ritz crackers. My mom called upstairs to me and asked me to come downstairs and give her a hand. I happened to be in my bedroom on that Saturday night listening to music."

Grandpa John chuckled remembering the long-ago day...

"I came into the kitchen and my mom told me to take the plate of meat that was on the top shelf out of the refrigerator. I opened the fridge door and grabbed a plate with meat on it from the bottom of the refrigerator. I did not bother to ask my mom if that was the right plate of meat or not. I saw it there at the bottom and I took it out."

Kristy leaned forward with her arms resting on her chair, and both hands under her chin, "How come you didn't ask your mother which plate you were supposed to take out since there were two plates in the fridge, Grandpa John?"

"I was in a hurry to get back upstairs to my room, to my music. You know Kristy, just like you are always in a hurry to get to your room and listen to music, whenever you're over at Grandpa's here. I just grabbed the plate I could see right away. I did not even look on the top shelf. Besides, the plate I took looked like it was ham."

Grandpa looked at his granddaughter and grinned. "I grabbed the plate and entered the living room to serve the hors d'ouevres to the ladies."

"My, these are very good, John." Madge smiled at me as she helped herself to another hors d’ouevres. She thought to herself that Helena always wins and was wondering why she bothered to come every week. It must be the food; it was simply delicious tonight. Madge waved me over and took another hors d’ouevres and said to Helena," I don't know when I have had tastier ham' Helena smiled at her and replied, 'thanks'.

"I agree, they are delicious, " Lucinda grinned at me too. "I think I will save a couple to put in my lunch for work tomorrow at school." She thought to herself, maybe even give one to Susan at work.

"I remember sighing in relief, thinking I was getting the hang of this serving thing. My mother would be pleased that I hadn't messed this up. At least I had done something right. The women played their cards, and talked quietly among themselves, concentrating on their game."

"As far as I was concerned, my job was done so, I turned on the television, sat down on the couch to enjoy a TV show and dozed off."

"Meanwhile, the ladies said their goodbyes to my mom and left. I woke to silence realizing that the Bridge ladies had all gone home. I got up from the comfortable chair and shuffled sleepily upstairs to my room."

Grandpa John looked over at Kristy making sure she hadn't fallen asleep and continued, "downstairs, my mom opened the fridge door to get the cat food out of the refrigerator to feed Kizzy, her white fluffy cat, but the plate of cat food was not there.

Realization dawned on her and she yelled for me to come downstairs. I entered the kitchen wondering what I did wrong this time. It seemed I could do nothing right. I was always getting in trouble for something."

Grandpa sighed and shook his head as he continued his tale. "You see Kristy, at seventeen I was a shy, insecure guy. I lacked self confidence because my mom never encouraged me in anything, nor did she ever tell me I had done a good job in anything. Your great grandma was a bit over-bearing at times. Whenever I did anything wrong or fumbled over a task she gave me I would become extremely nervous, and start to stammer. Fear can paralyze you in your tracks, like a deer caught in the headlights of a car."

"Well my mom stood looking at me with a horrified look on her face. Her eyes looked like they were going to pop out of her head. Suddenly she doubled over holding her stomach. I looked at her in astonishment and realized she was laughing. After she composed herself, she leaned towards me and whispered fiercely, "My goodness, Jerry that was the cat's food."

Grandpa John chuckled along with Kristy as she burst out laughing. "I looked at mom, my face had turned beet red, and told her that I didn't even look on the top shelf. I just saw the plate at the bottom of the fridge and grabbed that one."

"Great Grandma Helena just looked at me and shook her head, then started laughing. Well I do not think they will ever find out about their hors d'ouevres. I certainly won't tell them, and I don't think you ever will so the matter is closed." "I sheepishly looked at her and said, "Sorry you told me the meat was in the fridge on a plate." She burst out laughing again and I turned and walked away."

"Oh, Grandpa John, you didn't, those ladies ate cat food?" Kristy asked him, shrieking with laughter.

The old man nodded his head at her, "that's right, although the ladies liked the food, it still was cat food, even though the ladies didn't know it." He told Kristy.

"Yep, the best hors d’ouevres they ever tasted." Grandpa John laughed along with Kristy.

Fifty years later John, his hair completely white now, sat in his rocking chair motionless. His round framed spectacles slipped down his nose as he started to dose off. His last conscious memory was of those Bridge ladies, and how they never knew cat food could taste so good.