The 15 Stupidest Things You Can Do When Dealing With Teenagers

It’s a tough job being a parent. You have to be the one person in the world who knows all their child’s secrets, who can stand up to them when they step out of line, and who will always be there for them even when they think no one else will. There are some kids out there that give us parents a bad name, but that doesn't mean we should take it lying down! Here are 15 things you can do with your kids that you probably already know but might need reminding about anyways.

Mary is a single mother of four, trying to make it on her own. She’s struggling to keep her kids in line, and knows that sometimes you have to be firm.

1. Knowing When To Say No

“Knowing when to say no” is one of the hardest things that any parent has to deal with. If you always say yes, you risk your kids thinking they can get away with anything. If you always say no, you risk crippling your child's self-esteem and causing them to be resentful towards you. Saying no doesn't always have to be the end of the discussion and it doesn't have to be a punishment either. When possible, try and find ways for your kids to still get what they want, while at the same time teaching them how to make better decisions in the future.

2. Dismissing Their Feelings

Teenagers often have a hard time dealing with their emotions, especially if they are angry, upset or otherwise uncomfortable. It's easy to be tempted to dismiss their feelings as whining or complaining. Don't do this! Teenagers need to know that their parents and others care about them and about how they feel. Explain why the way your child is feeling is okay, and how there are things he can do that will make those feelings go away. Help teens understand that it's not always about him getting his way all the time and teaching them there are more effective ways of expressing an emotion rather than yelling or hitting someone is a great way to help them learn these skills.

3. Being Afraid To Set Limits

It's always easy to let your kids get away with things. It's even easier when they're older, because they can make their own decisions. However, if you don't impose some limits on your child early on, they may never learn how to figure them out for themselves. Some parents have a hard time imposing limits on their teenagers because they feel like if their kids are unhappy or frustrated, it means they've failed as a parent. The truth is the exact opposite of that! Setting goals and boundaries in your household gives your child something to work towards and teaches them how to work through problems in life.

4. Not Instilling Values Into Them

It's so easy to get caught up in the day-to-day activities of parenting and forget to teach your kids how to be good people and how to respect others. The truth is, you can never stop teaching values, because they will always come into play in life by someone or some place. You don't have to spout off a lot of information on family values at every turn, but you can give them the example of what good behavior looks like in your home and around others at school.

5. Ignoring Their Mistakes

Teenagers often blame themselves for their mistakes, especially if you don't let them know it's their fault. If you don't teach them that their mistakes aren't their fault and that when they mess up, you will always be there for them because of your love for them, they may never realize that they can get through anything in life. In some cases, the opposite is true. When kids feel like it's not their fault, they become more likely to make the same mistake again.

6. Never Having Rules And Boundaries

What happens when you don't set a rule or boundary? You create a mess! Pressure from peers, family and teachers can be intense and it can be hard for your child to cope with it all. In fact, it can be hard for you as a parent to cope with it too. If you don't make their decisions for them, they have to decide what they think is right on their own and deal with the consequences. It won't always work out the way they want, but if they make the wrong decision once in awhile, it's not going to kill them!

7. Expecting Them To Think Like Adults

Teenagers are adolescents. They will always make bad decisions and they will always do the wrong thing. By expecting them to have the same level of common sense that you do, you run the risk of making them feel inadequate and taking away their self-esteem. If you expect your teenager to be a little bit bad, they will usually be a good kid.

8. Ignoring Their Needs

It's important to listen to your kids and pay attention to their needs and wants. When you don't listen, they may feel invisible. They may also start believing that it's not okay to express these needs or have these wants either, because you never hear them anyway. People who have been ignored most of their lives may quickly learn that they know how they're going to get their needs met without your help or permission.

9. Not Being There When They Need You Most

Teenagers need guidance from their parents in times of stress. It can be really hard to provide this guidance when you're always out at work or when you're not feeling up to it. The time they need you most is also the time you might have the hardest time being there for them. Try and find ways to make yourself available, so that you can always be there for your kids!

10. Not Listening To Their Feelings

Parents may feel like they don't need to listen to kids anymore because they are teenagers now and are generally more aware of what's going on in their life than an infant or toddler. This is not always the case! Sometimes feelings come out as anger or frustration, because teens don't know how else to talk about their problems. They don't want to feel vulnerable in front of their parents, so they hide behind anger or tears because they can't think of anything else to do. Let your kids know that you are there for them and will listen to them no matter what.

11. Creating Rules That Are Too Strict

Teenagers need rules and boundaries, but not if you make them feel like they're being treated like children all the time! Some parents make their rules so strict that teenagers will never respect them and always find a way around the rules because it's just easier. If your rules and boundaries are reasonable, you can make your kids feel like they can be trusted and will have a much better chance of following them.

12. Not Letting Them Be A Part Of The Process

If you're making all the decisions for your kids, they'll never learn how to make their own for themselves. They'll feel like they don't deserve your trust and that they're not good enough to make a decision on their own. When you give them control over small aspects of life, they'll be more likely to listen when you tell them how to handle bigger things!

13. Failing To Set Up Firm Ground Rules

Parents can set a lot of ground rules for their kids, and sometimes these rules aren't firm enough. If you tell your kids that they have to be home by curfew, but don't listen to them when they tell you it's not possible, they'll have no problem going out until 4 a.m. because you never said "no". This can create problems in your household and cause bad feelings between you and your teenager. Always set up firm ground rules for your teenager!

14. Not Supporting Their Interests

Parents are often so busy with their own lives that they can't always be supportive of the things their kids love doing. If your child loves playing soccer, does it mean you have to love it too? No! Sometimes parents need to stand back, support their kids' interests and encourage them to follow whatever it is they love doing in life.

15. Blaming Them For Their Feelings

Don't tell them it's their fault that they're sad or angry. It's okay for them to feel those feelings and these emotions won't last forever. It won't help your case if you talk to them like a child all the time either. When they start arguing, don't just blame them for it! They can't help that they're frustrated, so give them the chance to explain what's wrong instead of getting mad at them for being upset. This can also help you find out what's going on in their life and what it is that aggravates them!

Finally

As a parent, you are your child's first and best teacher. In order to teach your teenager how to make good decisions, you need to start showing them by example. Set clear rules, stick to them and treat your children like the adults that they are becoming!