Tethered Between Grief and Gratitude

No one escapes death.

At one point or another, we all have to deal with it.

1 year, 10 months, and 20 days, that's all the time it took between the deaths of my mother, the father of my children (my ex), and my father - a trifecta of death

Roots and Water

I feel my roots growing into the earth, anchoring me.

I tether myself to the woodlands, the mountains,

staring out at the water, knowing—it is never far away.

Grief once left me untethered, drifting.

But now, I plant myself deep,

firm in the land I have chosen, firm in who I have become.

Life is fleeting. I know that now.

Each death has shaped me,

pulled me under, tossed me in the currents.

Yet, I stand, knowing I am stronger.

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The Scars That Remain

Some grief heals, some lingers.

Some leaves scars, quiet reminders of what was lost.

And some wounds—they never fully close.

They scab over, only to be reopened,

stinging in the salt water of tears.

I have felt anger, sharp and relentless.

I will always be angry for what he did—

for what he did to our children,

for how he chose himself over them,

for how he failed them in life and in death.

Not all pain fades.

Some grief becomes a part of you, a battle wound.

Not a weakness, but a testimony of survival.

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The Miracles That Remain

And yet—there is peace.

Every moonset, every sunset, I see it.

A reminder of what still exists, what is still beautiful.

Miracles surround me, small and vast, waiting to be noticed.

I feel grateful. Humbled. At peace.

I hear my father in my laughter,

my mother in my devious chuckle.

They are here, carried within me,

woven into the moments that make up my days.

Each day, I seek peace—within and around me.

I know the grief will always be there, but so will love.

The weight of it remains the same.

But I am stronger now.

Carrying Grief Forward

Recently, I came across Nora McInerny’s TED Talk, We Don’t “Move On” from Grief. We Move Forward with It. The title alone caught my attention, echoing my own experience of grief and gratitude existing side by side. Her words reaffirmed something I am coming around to understand: grief never truly leaves us, but it does evolve. It changes us, becoming woven into who we are, shaping how we love, how we live, and how we find meaning in what remains.

She speaks of carrying grief as part of us, rather than leaving it behind—something I feel deeply in the echoes of my parents’ laughter, in the scars that remain, in the strength I’ve found through loss. We don’t forget, nor do we erase. Instead, we learn to hold both grief and gratitude in the same breath.

The Space Within Grief

Have you ever heard of Mooji? He's a Jamacian spiritual teacher and well-known Advaita Vedanta teacher. Born as Anthony Paul Moo-Young he is a known for his guidance on self-inquiry and non-duality. His teachings often focus on overcoming personal suffering and finding inner peace.

The title of the video—Gratitude Erases Sadness—didn’t completely sit right with me at first. Grief doesn’t simply disappear. But as I listened, I found myself agreeing with much of what he had to say. Mooji speaks of moments when, even in the depths of sorrow, an unexpected grace can arise—unbidden, unexplainable, yet undeniable. He describes how, in the heart of suffering, something vast can open within us, creating space where there was only heaviness. It is in these moments, he says, that gratitude doesn’t erase grief, but it expands beyond it.

His words resonated with me. I have known loss—the kind that drowns, the kind that lingers. And yet, I have also known those fleeting moments when sorrow is met with something greater than itself: a deep breath of peace, a quiet reassurance, a knowing that love remains. Gratitude does not ask me to forget; it reminds me of what still exists, of the space within grief where light can still enter.