Stumbling Through Parenting

Man parenting is hard. Sometimes I feel like I’m living in a real-life Choose-Your-Own-Adventure novel and some of those choices are scary!

Go to Page 3 if you let your teen do Tik Tok

Go to Page 5 if you refuse your teen Tik Tok

How much can you really prevent your child from seeing or doing or experiencing when you are not around and other teens from parenting styles you have no clue about are influencing them daily.

I remember when I was 16 and was branching out into more womanly adult things so my friend and I went to Planned Parenthood and got on birth control. I was with my mom hanging out when she drug up the courage to say she could take me to get on birth control…

Um… I’m kinda already on it…

I want to think my mother was a little freaked out but at the same time glad that she had raised a daughter that at least was taking some responsible actions to her irresponsible teenage choices. Now that I am a mother of a soon-to-be teen daughter, I am in the scary hot seat for these situations and our world is at a very different place than it was when I was 16.

So Far…

My children were raised with a teacher mom. They are used to staying late at school and everyone knowing their mom and all the teachers knowing them. I want to think that I imparted these amazing skills to my children. They have wonderful manners and are kind to others.

They are smart and creative and respectful to adults. They have been given every opportunity to succeed and have been provided tons of life experiences throughout their young years so far.

So why am I scared?

Well, being a teacher I have been exposed to many lifestyles that my students face that I as a child had never experienced. Some of these children deal with issues at the age of 10 that I had a hard time dealing with at the age of 30.

My children have followed in those footsteps. They have never truly had to deal with hardship. When I compare my children’s lives to some of my students, my kids have never experienced a hard life.

It’s not that I want them to have a hard life. Of course, as parents, we want our children to have everything we didn’t. We want them to be living their best life and give them all they need.

Some parents take this to an extreme which has led to a terrible change in our culture of children who feel they deserve the world without needing to earn it. This is such a disservice to our children considering the world doesn’t work that way…

My fears…

I guess I worry that although my children are wonderful in so many textbook ways when the real world comes knocking with its truly devastating face staring into them… will they know how to handle it? Will have the strength, the knowledge, the experience, the willpower to overcome and not be defeated?

My kiddos tell me about classmates and older students who talk about being allowed to drink at home because their parents would rather them drink there than go out somewhere and drink. A coworker told my husband that if he had kids he would go ahead and smoke weed with them at 13 instead of letting him discover on his own with his friends.

I think back to when I was a kid. I was sheltered, had everything I ever needed, was never exposed to drugs or alcohol. My husband had an alcoholic father who did drugs around them and allowed his siblings to drink and do weed when they were young. He was abused and is still traumatized by his childhood while I try to understand him having never had those experiences.

Fast forward into our 40’s… my husband deals with alcoholism and other addictions. He is a wonderful man but dealing with his demons. My childhood didn’t stop me from drinking and trying things as an adult… but I’m not dealing with addiction.

Maybe I just got lucky… maybe it's a coincidence… I know many stories of sheltered kids going crazy later in life and becoming hardcore addicts. So it is definitely not a rule… just trying to think things through.

What is the Right Move?

Is there any way to know for sure? Hell no I don’t think 13-year-old kids should be drinking and smoking weed. Not on my watch. But the reality is, it happens and peer pressure happens and it is so damn scary as a parent!

I have always been very honest and real with my children. We have adult conversations and I open up to them and we discuss real topics as they come up. I listen to them and support their thinking.

In the end, I have to hope that the tools I give them now will help them make good choices when their Choose Your Own Adventure moments arise. When things get hard, I hope they have enough confidence in themselves to make choices to overcome and not be defeated. I hope they are always comfortable coming to me no matter the situation. I hope I have created that bond where they feel safe and able to ask for help when they need it and know that no matter the situation… I am there for them.

But not a day goes by that the fear of making a wrong move doesn’t shadow my thoughts. I fear having to let them fall to learn. I know I can’t save them from life’s constant barrages.

What are your thoughts?

I ask this as a devoted mother who knows it takes a village and it makes me feel better to know that I am not alone in this fear of letting my children down and not preparing them for the world. I feel like I am doing what needs to be done. I hope I am. I hope it is enough.