STILL STANDING

Chapter Two

She Just Wanted to Be Loved

She is a teenager now thirteen, she has gone from a happy little girl to a hurt and confused young girl and now a damage teenager. She thought after all that she had been through she would never forget this life even if she tried too. Although she is going through these changes her family was still close after her great-grandfather pass Poppa is what they called him, but this was only due to mother which is what they called her great-grandmother.

She did the best she could to keep her children, grandchildren and their children close. Now this was on her mom side of the family and her grandmother she called mama, and this was no disrespect to her mom, she had been doing this since she could talk, she called her dad’s mom the same. Nothing changed when it came to her grandparents on both sides of the family, they still spent time with her and loved her very much. Her grandmother on her dad side would still stay up until late hours of the night making her clothes just as she did when she was a little girl.

She is in junior high school and she not only feel unwanted in both her parents’ home, but she still had to deal with the isolation (bulling) from the students in school. This had her very cold and confused, what would always get her through it was her thinking of her kindergarten teacher and what she would say to her. Unfortunately, she passed away during the girl’s junior high school years.

Both of her parents are married now and at this point, neither stepparents want her around. She feels rejected at home and like an outcast at school. This caused her to not only have low self-esteem but now she is dealing with depression. Her mother’s husband made her feel unwanted and her father’s wife made her feel the same. She felt that if her stepparents could have their way, she would have been out of the picture.

The girl’s mom husband way of disciplining her was to smack her upside her head and call her things like a junk ass. She had been whipped with telephone cords and punished for things she had not down. He would even listen to her phone calls with the friends she did eventually make on the other line. Now the girl was not perfect and made her share of mistake as any teenager, however most of what she went through she did not deserve.

She was the only dark skin person outside of her mom in the house, it made her feel like the black sheep and that is why she was treated so different. Keep in mind her stepdad saw her as only the stepchild and her little sister who was not his as well, he saw her as his daughter, she was light skin like the other siblings that was his biological children. When she would meet people that he knew they would say I did not know you had another daughter he would always correct them by saying yes that is my stepdaughter. When she would hear this, it let her knew when she was not around, she was not even mention.

He would lie on her, tell her mom she did or said things that was not true, when she would try and defend herself her mom would not listen depending on what was said she would either be slapped in the mouth or punished sometimes both. The family would go on outings and she would be left home in the name of being punish.

She would not always get when the other children did and if she did, she did not get as much as the others from either stepparent. The young girl could not understand why it was so hard for her to be loved.

When she was not with her dad and would call him on the phone, she was told he was not there, He told them if it was her, he did not want to talk. She would even be placed on call block at times. If she were lucky enough to talk to him, his wife would listen to their call on the other phone.

When she was with her dad as a teenager, outside of being verbally abused and mentally broken her Dad’s wife had started to beat her on many occasions. She would not only get beat with belts, but it would be shoes, wet towels and thing else the stepmom got her hands on at the time. Nobody cared about how this was affecting her. Her grandparents would say something, but it was only so much they could do. Even her parent’s siblings would try and talk to them, but it fell on deaf ear.

She tried sports, music and other after school programs so she could keep herself away from both houses as much as possible, she even spent as much time as she could with her grandparents mostly with her dad’s mom since she had cousins she could hang out with. The school activities did not last long due to her motivation was killed by seeing her peers with their parents support and no one was there for her.

She tried talking to her family again, but it did no good, when family would go to her parents, they would not handle things no different. Outside of her grandparents she had an auntie and an uncle who was her dad’s youngest siblings who supported her unconditionally however it was only so much they could do as well.

She tried to live with her dad’s mom but after a while her mom made her return home. Her mom gave the reason of her coming home was because of school and she did not want her going to school in the area the girl’s grandmother lived. Since she was not allowed to go to school from her grandmother, she would go there every weekend that way she would not have to be in her mom’s house but could also see her dad he would go to his mom’s house every day.

A little time goes by and her mom has her last child it was a boy. After her mom had the baby, she helps with him, she would feed him, change him and even get him dress. It got to the point she started to get up in the middle of the night when he cries. She was taking care of him as if he were her own, people started to ask if he was her baby.

She would ask to go out on the porch she had to take him too. Her grandmother and great-grandmother lived not far, and she often walk there, when she would ask to go, she was told she needed to get his stroller and take him. She did not mind she loved her brother and it started to feel like he was hers anyway,

Through all of this she is still dealing with the abuse and mistreatment from her stepparents nothing has change with them. As time went buy things became worse and worse. The stepmother’s mom still would come to the now teenage girl’s defense. It had gotten so bad that one of the stepmom’s brothers stepped in as well to try and protect her. They would tell the stepmom she was wrong for the way she treated the teenage girl and do not forget God sees what you are doing.

They would tell her that the girl respected her more than her own children and she can go to hell treating God’s baby the way she did. It was not the fact that the girl respected her, it was more of she had put this fear in the girl since she was young, she had to call her mom while the stepmom’s children could call her by her name. Her response to being told she can go to hell for the way she was treating the girl was she will enjoy the ride going.

The stepmom became pregnant, after she had the baby the girl became Cinderella. When she was at her dad’s she had to make bottles for the baby, keep the kitchen and baby bottles clean among other things. So, when she was with her mom, she took care of her brother and by her dad she took care of her sister.

When she would spend time at her dad’s her older sister would have the girls in the neighborhood fight her. There was one girl she lived next door she was the only one that became her friend, and it was due to her being able to see what the girl was going through. She would always tell the girl she was welcome to come over every day if she wanted to when her dad goes to work so she did not have to be in the house to give them opportunity to mistreat her.

One day during the summer the young teenager spent with her dad, she had a friend who treated her to getting her hair done. When she returned to the house, she was beaten with a baby bottle while it was still filled with milk until she was swollen and bruised only because she did not get permission to get her hair done first. The teenage girl ran out the house crying so she would not continue to get beat. She went to the girl next door used her phone to call a friend to come and get here. Her friend’s auntie brought her to get the teenage girl. Her friend’s auntie was a nurse and treated the girl’s wounds and kept her there with them for the night.

The next day she called her mom, and she was told that her dad needs to deal with the problem. She called her dad’s mom and sister, her grandmother told her to have her friend bring her there. Before bringing her to her grandmother the friend and auntie took the girl to get her things from her dad’s house. Unfortunately, her dad was not home, they gave her a very hard time with getting her things.

The stepmom and sister wanted her to come in the house to get her things. The friend and auntie did not agree and asked them to bring them out because they were afraid for the girl to go into the house and they hurt her. They called the teenager a scary bitch and threw her things out the door and off the front porch.

This is her last year of Junior High going to Senior High school. But rather than her being this excited young lady that is getting ready to complete her last stretch of grade school, she was this young lady filled with anger, hurt and bitterness. She was in a very dark place by this time.

Many of nights she would cry wishing it were just a nightmare, wondering what she could have possibly done to deserve all the hatred that she was receiving. She desired so much as a teenager to feel loved and wanted again.