Sleepless in Solitude Part 2

I see and hear some mothers complaining about how their babies are the 'terrible twos', messing up the house, getting into everything, pen marks everywhere, baby gates being climbed over, messy eating time and so on and so forth. Many times I have seen babies at 8 months old, less than 1 year old, etc. talking, crawling everywhere, mums running after them, doing all sorts of things and sometimes I wished my daughter could do the same...

My eldest was very quick at everything: teething from 4 months old, crawling from 6-7 months, in baby walker by 8 months, holding on to tables, sofa and the wall by 10 months, and walking on her own on her 1st birthday. I guess that must have been why she was premature, she just wanted to be born quickly - pregnancy was taking too long for her (lol). She was very mischievous even in the womb: giving me numb legs many times and even positioning herself so weirdly that my stomach would look funky even in front of my customers.

My youngest is the opposite, very calm and gentle, she used to sleep a lot during pregnancy but very active when awake. I was able to catch up on lost rest during my pregnancy with her. I used to have weekly hospital check ups because of the eventful emergency caesarean section for my first one and everything always showed up fine with a healthy baby. Until the EDD...

On my EDD, I was home alone with my 4-year old, sleeping when I felt uncomfortable cramps around 7am. I thought labour was starting, and my husband was on his way from his night work then, ready to start his 2-week paternity leave and 2-week holiday. We even had an appointment at the hospital that same day to induce labour in case the baby had not come by then. Instead, I started bleeding heavily, my little girl was so scared but she did so well helping me call the ambulance and dad, and dressing herself up in readiness.

By the time the ambulance came, I passed out on the stairs. I came to pretty quickly and was transferred into the ambulance but I had lost so much blood (I was told later, they said they didn't know how we both survived). I was wheeled into triage and could feel at least 6 doctors, nurses, etc. all around me doing this and that. Before I could say anything, I passed out again. I woke up groggily to see my baby girl with tubes and stuff all over her, from head to toes, the doctor telling me something about complications and transfer to a specialist hospital. I could only mumble yes and passed out again.

When I woke up fully, it was 9pm and I was in the ward. "Where is my baby?" I asked. "She has been transferred to another hospital", they said. "Why? Who gave the permission?" I asked. "You", they said. "She wasn't in a good condition. She had severe HIE, her APGAR score was 2, out of 10. She needed to be transferred to the nearest specialist hospital with a bed available". "Then what am I doing here?" I asked. "We were waiting for you to wake up to see what you wanted to do". "Please transfer me there immediately", I said. "Why did this happen?" "You had placental abruption". A huge unexpected blow hit me.

"Hypoxic-ischemic encephalopathy (HIE) is a type of brain damage. It's caused by a lack of oxygen to the brain before or shortly after birth. It affects the central nervous system. Babies born with HIE may have neurological or developmental problems" (1).

"The Apgar score is a quick evaluation your baby receives immediately after birth. It helps your baby’s healthcare providers determine if your baby needs immediate medical care. The Apgar test measures your baby’s appearance, pulse, grimace, activity and respiration. Any score of 7 or above is considered a good Apgar score" (2).

"Placental abruption is a complication of pregnancy that happens when the placenta separates from your uterus before delivery. The cause of placental abruption is often unknown. In placental abruption, the placenta may completely detach or partially detach. This can decrease the amount of oxygen and nutrients to the fetus and cause heavy bleeding in the birthing parent. About 1 out of 100 pregnancies has placental abruption. Placental abruption can be life-threatening to the foetus and sometimes to you." (3).

I do not smoke or do any of the things that could have put me at high risk. I arrived at H Hospital at 12.30 am to see my daughter heavily sedated for the cooling treatment.

"The aim is to cool infants with moderate or severe HIE within 6 h of birth to a body temperature between 33.5°C and 34.5°C and maintain this degree of cooling without interruption for 72 h. This would be followed by slow re-warming over at least 4 h at a rate of 0.5°C per hour until their rectal temperature reaches the desired range (36.5-37°C)" (4).

After the 72 hours treatment, she'd be woken up gradually and her condition monitored throughout to determine if she could go home or not. "Oh no, Mummy, we can see baby having signs of seizures during the treatment so she may have seizures when she wakes up until the unforeseeable future. We don't know, she may and she may not". Another blow hit me.

What will be the future of this poor little girl who was brought into this world in such circumstances through no fault of her own? I will continue in the next part. I said earlier that sometimes I wished my daughter could do the same things other children her age could. Yes, but that is simply the human in me. The mother in me thanks God everyday that she is alive, well and with us. She is absolutely gorgeous (I'll share her picture one day) and smiles so beautifully, I would not change her for anything or compare her to anyone in the world. It's nearly 6am now and we are both still awake, sleepless in our solitude.

Remember that no matter what is going on, never give up because you are not alone.

References

1. Neonatal Hypoxic-Ischemic Encephalopathy https://www.nationwidechildrens.org/conditions/health-library/neonatal-hypoxic-ischemic-encephalopathy#:~:text=Hypoxic%2Dischemic%20encephalopathy%20(HIE),have%20neurological%20or%20developmental%20problems.

2. Apgar Score https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diagnostics/23094-apgar-score

3. Placental Abruption https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/9435-placental-abruption

4. Whole Body Cooling for Infants with Hypoxic-Ischemic Encephalopathy https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3743149/