Single Mother

The day I become a single mother felt as if I had a significant weight lifted off my shoulders. I divorced my husband. Being married to my kid's father was like being married to a grown child. He couldn't do anything for himself. As he was growing up, his family did everything for him. Washed his clothes, cooked for him, picked up after him. They did everything. It was almost like he was a spoiled child. He got everything he wanted.

My ex-Husband was born on Oct 23. A year after he was born, his mother passed away. I guess his family felt like they had to cater to him after that. But as I look at it with them doing everything for him, it only made i.t to where he didn't learn anything for himself. So that made it even harder for me because I had to do everything for him.

I made all his dr appointments just as I would do for the kids. It was like I had three kids to take care of instead of the two kids I barred. But I married him and stayed with him so he would remain in the kid's life and be a father to them. I couldn't stay with him any longer. We were married for three years. That's as long as I could take it. I had to divorce him.

It took less than a year for the divorce to be final. Charlie, the kid's father, didn't even show up to the final court hearing. In the divorce, all I asked for was for him to continue to be in the kid's life. I didn't want any spousal support or child support. I told him I would share custody of the kids with him if he stayed in their lives. But he couldn't even do that. I gave him everything in the divorce. I left him with the apartment we lived in together. That way, he and his father were not on the street with nowhere to go.

I tried to make everything fair for him. I knew he moved to Ohio with me and had no family living up in Ohio. All his family lived in Florida. I didn't want him to be without anything after we split up. The only things I took with me was the kids and the stuff that belonged to us. I moved in with my mother. That would screw the kids and me in the long run, but I didn't know that at the time. But God works in mysterious ways.

After Charlie and I were no longer together, I had to work harder with the kids. He didn't help at all. I would think not asking him for anything but to be in the kid's life would make him feel good and want to be with the kids as they grew up. He knew what it was like to grow up with only one parent. I was hoping he wouldn't put his kids through what he went through as a child, but I was wrong. I was so wrong.

The stipulations of our divorce were he would have the kids on weekends. But he wouldn't even take them for his visitations. He never wanted them around. He was more worried about finding himself another girlfriend. He was putting his love life before his kids. he told me the one time it was his turn to have the kids that he had a date and could not take the kids that weekend. I told him if the girl you are with can't accept his kids, then she's not worth any of his time.

I told him I didn't want my kids around all these girls he was dating at the time. I told him that it's only going to confuse them, and they are too young to understand what's going on. But he didn't care at all. He just stopped letting the kids come around. The few times he did take the kids, he tried to keep them from me. I had to call the police on him. I had to show the law that I have full custody of my kids, and he only has visitation rights.

The police made him give the kids back to me. I told Charlie while the officer was still there that if he wanted to be in the kid's life to start taking them every weekend, that was his. But that didn't phase him at all. He started partying and not taking care of his responsibilities. And if he did so happen to see his kids, he would not be doing the right thing with them around. I found out that he was cooking meth with them in the same house. He was doing so much dumb shit that I told him he was not allowed around the kids unless someone else was there with him. I couldn't trust him any longer.

My kids are my pride and joy. I hold them to the highest power, and I don't want anything to happen to them. But I guess Charlie didn't feel the same. He was doing too much while the kids were with him. So I stopped letting them come to his house. Charlie's father lived with him in the apartment I left them. Charlie's father wanted to see the kids, and I did not want to keep him from the kids. He was old, and who knew how long he was going to be around. So when Charlie's father, Donnie Geen, wanted to see the kids, I would bring them over and sit with him while he visited the kids.

I loved Donnie Geen, and just because Charlie and I were not together anymore didn't mean that he couldn't see his grand kid's. I never wanted him to feel like I was keeping them away from him. Donnie was innocent in everything, and he was the only grandparent my kids had on Charlie's side of the family. He was the only one living. My mom was dead, and my dad was not around much at all.

It was a few months after my mother died that Donnie Geen passed away too. I knew precisely how Charlie felt after his father died. I tried to be there for him. The kids and I would stay out there with him, so he was not alone and didn't do anything to hurt himself. Charlie was the one who found his father dead. Donnie passed away from stepping on one of this kid's toys. He didn't go to the DR to get checked out, and I guess his foot was infected, and it traveled through his blood and into his heart. That's how he died.

I was always telling Charlie that he needed to pick his house up and keep it clean whether the kids were there or not. I would tell Charlie that his father is too old to be cleaning up after the kids and him. Charlie just needed to see that he was an adult now, and he needed to start taking care of himself that he was going to have to learn now because there will be no one there to do everything for him now that his father was gone.

Charlie stayed at the apartment for a few months after his father passed away. After Charlie's father died, he did precisely what I did when my mother died. Charlie went downhill, started drinking heavily and doing drugs. He was not in the right mind after his father passed. I could no let my kids around him in that state of mind. So I did what was best for the kids. I keep them away from Charlie. I couldn't let them see him like that. He was to the point, too, where he didn't care about anything.

I knew then I was really on my own now. Charlie already didn't help with the kids. Now that he had lost both his parents, Charlie was not about to be around the kids. I started not to rely on Charlie to help me so much. I already knew he wouldn't be any help anyway.

Even when his father was alive, he never helped much, and he defiantly was not about to start. After all, that happened everything went downhill. Charlie and I did nothing but argue all the time about him not helping with the kids. He felt like he was entitled not to have to do anything because his dad died. I would have to bring up when my mother died how he wouldn't even take the kids on his weekends so I could have a break. I took care of my kids the best I could while grieving my mother's death. I had to do it all on my own.

But not even that made him want to be with his kids. There was nothing I said or did that made a difference at all to him. After Charlie got his father's ashes from the funeral home, he wanted to go back to Florida to spread his ashes. I had no problem with that. All I asked was that he stayed in the kid's life and called them now and then. I told him if he couldn't call to send a letter or a card. To do either one of those things doesn't cost much, maybe 50 cents at the most. But he couldn't even do that.

After a while, I gave up trying. Charlie lives in Florida, and the kids and I live in Ohio. So it's not like he can see them even if he tried. Now that Charlie lives in Florida, I contact him through Facebook, That is when and if Charlie answers. He has so many Facebook accounts it's hard to tell what one he is using. All I do is repeat myself to him. And nothing gets through to him. When the kids were younger, it was easier to tell him not to contact us. But not that they are older. It's harder for me to say to him don't reach out to the kids. Because they can contact him

I have had to raise my kids on my own since they were born. I thought the older they got, the easier it would be. But I was wrong. Charlie doesn't make it any easier either. He pops into their lives when he wants to. Charlie will decide to call the kid's one minute, and the next, he drops off the face of the planet. We can't find him or get ahold of him at all. His family doesn't even help me to get ahold of him.

I'm just sick of Charlie coming into the kid's life when it suits him. He will call them one day, and then they won't hear from him for years. Charlie thinks that he can come into their life whenever he wants. My daughter is 11 years old now, and she doesn't want anything to do with him. But he left and went back to Florida when Tasha was a year old. So she doesn't know him well at all. Tasha only knows that his name is Charlie, and that's her dad. She couldn't tell you what he looks like or how he sounds.

Now my son, on the other hand, knows his father. Dominick was three years old when Charlie moved back to Florida. So he was around his dad enough to know a little bit about him. Dom is a boy, so he is going to want to be close to his dad. Therefore a while, you couldn't tell Dom anything about his father. Because no matter what you said, you were wrong. To Dom, Charlie can't do any wrong in his book. His father is held high in his book. Charlie can't do any evil at all.

Now that both my kids are grown. They can make their minds up about how they feel about their dad. Tasha says she doesn't want to talk to him at all. And when I make Tasha get on the phone with Charlie, Tasha doesn't say anything to him at all. It's also bad when she gets on the phone with her dad. He can't tell their voices apart. There have been times Charlie has called Tasha, Dom!

Charlie doesn't want anything to do with his daughter. But wants everything to do with his son. And that's not right at all. So I have made it a point not to choose favorites between my kids. I love them both the same. And I want them to have everything that I never had. It's hard to do that when you live in low-income housing, and the system doesn't let you get ahead before they want to pull you back down.

So it makes me want to give up sometimes. I want to say F it all and stop trying. But I can't do that to my kids. I'm the only one who's ever been there for my kids. I'm the one they turn to when they have a problem or need help with homework. They come to for everything. And I guess that's what a mother is hereto do. I don't want my kids ever to feel like they can't come to me.

I have had to overcome a whole lot as a single mom. I had to talk to my son about BOY things. Stuff a mother should not have to do. Talking to my son about sex is something I never wanted to do. I am even talking to him about his boy parts. A mother should not have to do that. But I stepped up and told him what he needed to know, and if he had questions, I answered them the best I could at that time. I tried not to make it so weird that my son didn't want to say anything to me.

I mean, it's so much more comfortable with your daughter because you have the same parts as each other, and you know what to say before it happens. My daughter is 11 years old, and she just started her period. Now she wants to shave.

When my son had sex the first time, my first reaction was to be mad. But I had to stop and think, " wait, I can't get crazy. I have to look at this situation as a mother and a father. Not just a mother's point of view! Because I am both parents, I have to do it all. When my son breaks up with a girl, I try and tell him what a father would say to his son. Then I give him some advice from a mother. I'm always telling him, trust me, I was a teen girl once before. So I know what they are thinking and how they feel.

My daughter is so much of a good girl, and she doesn't even want a boyfriend yet. Natasha is always telling me, "mom, you told me I'm not allowed to date until I move out. "She is such a good girl. She at least listens to me. When my son does something, it's always something I told him not to do. Dominick is so much like me I can't believe it. If my mother told me something to do, I would go and do the total opposite. So I see where Dominick gets it from.

I don't know what I did, but I raised my kids well. Anyone who's ever been around my kids has told me that I have done an excellent job on my own raising them.. And all I can say is thank you. I don't know what I have done to get any compliment like that, but I guess I did something right.

After everything I have out my children threw for them to turn out still respectable is something unique. I can't believe how well they have grown. I missed the days when they were so little and held each other's hand and helped each other. When I first had my daughter, my son was maybe one year old, and every time she would cry, he would run to her and try to feed her or give her a Passafire. He was always trying to help. It was so cute.

I wish we could go back in time so I could live those days all over again. But I can't. I know the older they get, the more they will learn from me. I try to make sure that they live by my mistakes I have made. But I also try not to keep making the same mistakes. I use to think I was not good enough to be a mother. But my kids show me every day that I was wrong about that. And I love them so much for everything they teach me daily.

To be a single mother for almost their whole life is something I guess I have to be proud of. There is not much more I can do other than keep doing what I am doing. I must be doing something right.

I know this story was about a single mother, but I try to stay on track when I start writing, but it never works out like that. I think I did a good job. But I know it's not all about being a single mom. I touched more on how I become a single mother than I did on what it's like to be a single mother. I hope everyone likes what I wrote.

Too bad there is not any comment section. It would be nice to get feedback on the stories. That way, I know what I could work on or what people liked and didn't like.

IF YOU ARE A SINGLE MOM, YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. JUST KEEP DOING WHAT YOUR DOING EVERYTHING ALWAYS WORKS OUT. DON'T EVER LET A MAN HOLD YOU BACK. YOUR CHILDREN ARE A PIECE OF YOU AND ALWAYS WILL BE.