Selfless

The lawyer, Mr. Louis, apparently a friend of the family states Mel’s name and waits for her to acknowledge him. Mel does not bother to look up. She stares at the window. She is already aware of the jewelry her mom had left which she cannot claim because those same jewelry were stolen after news broke of her mom’s passing. Mel was furious. Not just because of the jewelry but also because she did not understand why they had to read the will the day of the funeral. She had protested many times to push it, but no one wanted to wait. It is not like her mom left a fortune behind.

Mr. Louis now calls out her aunt’s name, her mom’s younger sister. Mel has had enough. She wants nothing more to do with this. To hell with everyone. She gets up from her chair and starts marching toward the door. She must get out of this room. She opens the door and runs to her mother’s room down the hall. She still remembers the outline of the house after all these years. It has been 13 years since she has been in this home, 13 years since she has seen her mom in person. They used to video chat every night talking about everything and anything. Seeing her mom at the funeral after all these years broke Mel. Once she saw her mom’s face in the open casket, Mel lost all sense of self. Before she knew it, she was running toward the casket, screaming with tears flooding down her face but she felt something holding her back. She looked down; they were arms. She could not make out who were holding her, her vision was blurry, the voices inaudible, she was trying to move forward but the hands were still holding her back. She screamed because she wanted to hold her mom. She wanted to hug her, to kiss her. She was not mentally prepared to see her mom like this, so still. Her beautiful large brown eyes were closed shut. Mel screamed and screamed hoping her mom would hear her cries and wake up. But she laid still.

Mel locks the door behind her and takes a seat on her mother’s bed. She takes a deep breath and falls back, her curly brown hair spreading across the bed. She closes her eyes and smiles. The sheet still has her distinct scent, honey and coconut. She remembers how much she loved being in this room, how she would rather sleep in her mom’s room than her own because she felt peaceful and safe in her mother’s embrace. She misses her warmth so much.

Mel slowly raises herself to her elbows and takes a long look around the room. It is just as she remembered it. Everything looks the same. It is not a big room, but it feels cozy. Mel gets off the bed and walks toward the cherry wooded dresser. Her mom loved this dresser. Mel traces the front of the dresser with her fingers as if to maintain its memory. Mel’s father, Mr. Pierre had bought if as a wedding gift for his wife. It was the only thing she had left of him. When he died, they lost everything. Mel was three. She does not remember much of him but on photos he looks quite familiar. It must have been incredibly challenging for her mom to take care of the household on her own, to pay for food and Mel’s school. She is never seen her mom complain.

Playing with the ring around her right index finger, twisting it, pulling it to the top and pushing it back, something she does when she is lost in in her thoughts. She looks around to say her final goodbye. She takes a step toward the bedroom door when the ring she has been playing with, falls to the ground rolling under the bed. She murmurs a cursed word under her breath before getting on her hands and knees to search for the ring. She immediately sees it by the nightstand on the left side of the bed. She gets up and walks toward the nightstand. She gently pushes it out the way for the space between the bed and the stand is too cramped. She bends down to pick up the ring when she suddenly remembers one of her favorite things about this room. She gets on her knees and hands again but this time she crawls under the bed, it is not as easy as it was 13 years old. She notices what she is looking for, a loose tile. A huge smile spreads on her face and she chuckles. How can she almost forget! The loose tile that she had accidentally found when she was 14 years old. That day, she was hiding from her mom who was looking for Mel with a belt in her hand. Mel had gotten into a fight with one of the neighbor’s daughter earlier that day. Ana. Mel had punched Ana, right on the nose because of a rumor she was spreading. The story was that Mel had a crush on Oliver, the neighborhood’s cutest boy, also Mel’s classmate: Oliver. Mel did have a crush on Oliver, but it was nobody else’s business. She wanted to teach Ana a lesson. She has never gotten into a fight before nor has she ever punched anyone but that day, she has had it for whatever reason. And now she was hiding under her mom’s bed to avoid being spanked. She could hear her mom’s angry yells, but Mel did not move. She figured she would give her mom a few minutes to cool down, normally after exhausting herself from looking for Mel, her punishments were less severe. She tried to move further from the top when one of the tiles moved and she scraped her knees. She screamed at the unexpected pain. Her mom came rushing, following Mel’s voice, she leaned under the bed to see her daughter holding on to her knee for dear life. That day Mel got away with punching Ana.

Mel laughs at the memory, her first genuine laugh since the news. She removes the tile, expecting to find the last items she left in there, a bracelet Oliver gave her before she left and a picture of her mother when she was a teenager. She found both items and something else. A black notebook. She picks it up and gets from under the bed. She places the now dusty bracelet and the photo in her purse. She takes a seat on the bed once again. She looks at the black notebook. There is a diamond like symbol now. It resembles the black moleskine classic notebook she receives for Christmas las year. She opens the notebook and before she can even finish the first the sentence, tears start streaming down her face uncontrollably. Her mother had her a note, a lengthy one in this perfectly kept black notebook.

“Honey, I am hoping you remember to look underneath the bed. Yes, I knew you would be here. I would have wanted you to stay home but you would not have wanted that. I have missed you, my loving daughter. I have wanted nothing more in this world but to be at your side once again. I know how much you have wanted the same but as you know your safety and well being are my priorities. You know it has not been safe for you to cone down here. I know you are probably beating yourself up for me not being with you but honey it is not your fault. It never was. It is not your fault this crazy pandemic forced everything to close. There is nothing you could have done, please understand that. I miss you. I would have loved to see my grandbaby too. What a beautiful baby, he is. He looks just like you when you were a baby. You were the most beautiful thing I have ever laid eyes on. I knew then just like I know now, I had to protect you, no matter what. I hope you forgive me for making the decision to make you leave your home without taking your opinion into consideration. As a mother, I hope you will understand one day as you are a mother yourself, I thought it was best for you, that you would have and be giving better opportunities, you would not be working so hard with nothing to claim for it. I did not want that life for you. I hope you can forgive me one day, but I do not regret it. I know there is so much you have not discovered it yet about yourself. I wish I could have been on this journey with you, but it looks like this universe or God may have other plans for me. I could not wait to hold you again, my baby Mel. Before I forget one of the reasons why I am writing you this letter, let me go ahead and tell you. This is between you and I and you will understand for good reason. Remember sol? The game? The money saving game. If you do not remember, google it honey. Anyway, I joined one with the ladies at work. I started it when you left. I wanted to start saving some money for you. I opened an account under your name and now there are $20,000.00 in that account and it is all yours and my grandson. All you must do, is go to the National Bank and ask for Mr. Benjamin. Bring your ID. He is a dear friend. I was hoping to surprise you when I would get to the states, but I guess now is the right timing. Please do not tell anyone about the money. I know you will be guilt into sharing it. I saved that for you. It was not on the will because we both know it would cause never-ending drama. Keep it all!! By the way, Oliver was in town a couple of weeks ago. He lives in Canada now. I told him how much you have been wanting to visit there. I know you guys are friends on social media, say hi sometimes. His grandmother just died; you will have a lot to talk about. Too soon? I am sorry. You know me and my humor.

I love you with all my heart, my loving daughter.

Mom xoxo

Mel closes the notebook. Her face is drenched with tears. She looks a mess but does not care. She finds solace knowing she will forever have a piece of her mom with her. She holds the black notebook close to her heart. She stays this way for what seems forever. She finally takes a deep breathe. She picks up her purse and carefully places the notebook inside. She closes her purse. She wipes her face and stares at the mirror on the dresser. Her eyes are red. She does not care. That is normal for a day like this. She walks toward the front door and stops. She takes one last look at the room. She gives thanks and opens the door only to come face to face with a set of hazel brown eyes she will never forget. Oliver Bourdon. She freezes and then he speaks.

‘I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to miss the funeral. My flight was delayed. I am so sorry for your loss Mel. Your mom was an amazing wo… Mel jumps into his arms before he can finish. Oliver with a warming smile on his face, closes his arms around her. For the first since she has been here, Mel feels hopeful, hopeful that she is going to be alright.