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A Girl lost without her father. He was there but not present if that makes sense. Crack took his mind which took his time. Moms here but trying to hold everything together that dad is tearing apart. When dad is not high he sings with me and spends time with me. He comes to my school to pick me up and puts me on his shoulder to walk me home since we have no car. Mom doesnt act like she is happy when I show how much I love daddy but she is always fussing so he seems to be the nice one. Fastforward my dad had always been in and out of jail this time is different. He may be gone for years. How could he do this ;why is he leaving me again. Mom doesnt understand me like him. Im 9 now and mom is pregnant with my little brother. Mom is struggling alone so my older brother has to work to help. Dad has been gone for 6 months now and mom is about to have my baby brother. Im a big sister I have to help with him and house chores. I even start babysitting so mom and my brother can work. At this point my brothers feels like my child. Years past Im 14 now dad has popped up in the middle of the night feels like a dream even mom is happy. He steps in like no time was lost. I love my dad so much. He open doors for me and buys me flowers. Im proud to see how he is so helpful at church. Im proud to tell the other youth he is my dad. He is healed from his drug addiction and is everything I could imagine. HighSchool is done now Im stepping into the world. My parents are unhappy again. I found out why when I seen my father with another woman. I lost every ounce of respect at that moment. The man that taught me a man is suppose to honor respect and take care of their wife. This man disappeared. The family is broken leaving me to take the role as head of the house. Mom hadnt worked in years do to health conditions and my dad telling her to stop work. Im 21 with 2 kids of my own and the father of my boys is serving a 10 year sentence. Terrible Cycle. My baby boy was a week old when he was arrested. I couldnt understand how the man I called dad will leave this all on me. I grew hatred for a man I had so much respect for regardless of what he did in the past. Its then I realized why mom fussed so much. She had been so strong for us even though she struggled and was hurt. I became depressed felt like couldnt handle it. I prayed and prayed then realized. God gave me a choice. I forgave my dad it was only hurting me. Me and dad are close as ever. I respect and love him as well as this strong woman I call mom.

Now I have chose a man that didn't care for me the way I thought. My boys father did 10 years for a drug sentence. He came home seen kids a few times and decided he wasn't staying in their life because I wouldn't be with him. He was never faithful and wasn't showing my kids love as a father should. I told care of my kids on my own just like my mother did. My boys are now 15 and 16. Honorable young men. My brothers and father did step in and try to help guide them with the things I could not. I want so much better for them. They showed me true love and with that showed me I had to love myself in order to receive it. To all that reads just know nobody can make you happy and full. Only you can a parner will just make it that much better. Dont settle you are enough a person should not try to change you but help you grow. And if your not willing to grow with that person he/she is not it. Love yourself 1st.