Resolving 30 Days At A Time

The problem with New Year’s resolutions are people have unrealistic goals. Too many goals, high expectations, and long time frame of achieving said goals. One year is a long time to make a goal setting.Then the first time messing up on a goal people will often give up quickly. After so many parenting seminars, articles, and growth mindset groups there is one thing they all have in common. It takes your brain at least 30 days to learn new things.

When setting a goal you need to rewire or retrain your brain. So when setting new goals it’s important to only pick one or two goals at a time. You don’t want to overload your brain. The same is definitely true for your child.

It’s important not to nitpick over every behavioral problem your child has. It’s overwhelming and can cause them feel low self esteem. It’s important to focus on one behavior at a time. When that behavior improves then move on to another issue. Of course highly supporting and encouragement throughout the process is key for success.

My son had his own goal of not having a tantrum for seven days in a row. He did ok for three days and then started unraveling at the seams on day four. I told him it’s ok just start over and maybe you will make it five days next time and mess up again. That’s ok! Then you start over and maybe you make it six days! Then eventually each time you start over you get better and better until you make it to seven whole days.

So as a parent I felt like I went backwards the last couple months with not yelling, with weight loss goals, with exercise, with spending an allotted time doing school work with my youngest child, and I’m sure I can come up with a list of many many more things. The one thing I’m not going to do is beat myself up over it. I’m going to retrain my brain and start again!

My first 30 day parenting goal is to work on not responding with yelling. I will pick one or two things to retrain my brain from my conscious communication cards. They help you train your brain to say “this” instead of “that.”

For example: Instead of saying, “APOLOGIZE RIGHT NOW!”

Say , “When you call people names it’s hard to know what you want. I’d like to be clear on what you need.”

Instead of saying,”Don’t ignore me when I talk to you.”

Say,”I’d like to talk. It feels frustrating when you don’t answer me.”

My first 30 day health goal is to try and walk 20 minutes a day but so far I have only been doing it 1-3x a week and that’s ok!

For my child I’m helping him work on his intense need to have whatever it is “right now” moments. I’m doing this by having him wait more often. When he asks for something I’m starting to respond with you need to wait a few minutes. Instead of dropping everything I’m doing at the moment, to get it for him immediately as he’s pacing a hole in the floor. I’m helping his brain learn that it’s ok to wait.

Also with having a bigger home I noticed I’m becoming more overwhelmed with household tasks. It feels like there is just so much to do, especially as we haven’t “fully” settled. I’m not going to beat myself up about it. I’m actually learning to be less in control of every tiny detail and embrace some mess. That’s hard for me! I’m a neat freak and love to be in control of my environment because that’s something that makes me feel safe. So instead of getting frustrated that I didn’t do enough I’m celebrating what I did do!

Yesterday I wrote a blog, I found the stamps we needed, we went for a family walk and mailed letters. We also had creative time as a family! I brought the trash in through the gate and tore up more cardboard for the recycler, I took our puppy potty several times, and then I rested and spent time with my oldest daughter. We had several good laughs just kicking it in my bedroom sharing funny memes and videos with each other. That’s something to celebrate!

No I didn’t do school work with my youngest again! No I didn’t put away presents still sitting in the living room from Christmas, or organize one of the many areas in our home. And I’m thinking it’s ok! For the first time in my life it’s ok! I didn’t do it all!

By doing this I’m actually putting my physical and mental health first. Because getting everything done all the time is exhausting. And if you know what that type of exhaustion feels like, now think about your child. On one of their bad days is it possible they are just overwhelmed and exhausted? Is it ok to just say you know what? Let’s skip the work today and just give our brains a break and play!

30 days at a time for each goal and embrace the days that you or your child mess up on because it’s ok!!!

Philippians 3:12-16 (The Message)

Focused on the Goal 12-14 I’m not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don’t get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I’ve got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus. I’m off and running, and I’m not turning back. 15-16 So let’s keep focused on that goal, those of us who want everything God has for us. If any of you have something else in mind, something less than total commitment, God will clear your blurred vision—you’ll see it yet! Now that we’re on the right track, let’s stay on it