Resilience

No matter what a mother is going through we always seem to manage to push through the storm to reach the sunshine. Not saying that it is easy, and the storm can be rough at times, so rough that you think you may not survive but we push and push and eventually make it through.

Growing up was tough. We were poor, my mum had mental health issues and the relationship was not the best between my parents. However, my mum always made sure that we never wanted for anything and she would move hell and high water to make sure things would happen.

My mum suffers with severe depression and she is addicted to prescription medication (she uses this as a coping mechanism) when we were younger, she would spend a lot of time in bed because she could not find the energy to pull herself our of bed and face the world. She has had a had a hard life growing up from being abused by her father, seeing her mum be beaten black and blue to now being poor with three children to look after and raise she thought that she had failed along with all the other demons she was trying to fight and process. However, we never went without, we were never neglected.

I remember going to the fridge and we would have no food, not because my mum wouldn’t buy any, but we never had enough money to but enough food to last. However, we would always be fed, we would always have a meal. My mum would go to my nan who would give her food. Although my nan never minded my mum hated it, she was embarrassed and ashamed that she would have to “beg” for food, yet she managed to get up, fight through her shame so she could feed us. And she kept going and going.

Through all her fights she kept going no matter what and that has taught me to become the resilient fighter I am today.

I am a mum of five children aged 9,7,5,3 and 2. As you can imagine it is a very hectic household. I am pulled from pillar to post, I have to meet different needs of different ages. Along with all the things you need to do when children are that age, enrolling for nursery and schools, all their doctors’ appointments, optician appointments, homework, reading, shows, world book day, cooking, cleaning EVERYTHING! Alongside that my youngest was born with a cleft palate which means regular hospital appointments and an operation. As well as all of this I have epilepsy and suffer with non-epileptic seizures that are uncontrolled and one of the types of seizures I have is a tonic clonic which means you are unconscious, which I have no sign that they are coming. I had my license taken away from me when I was pregnant with baby no 5, I have had to have my home adapted, have pendant alarms, I take 13 tablets a day to try and control it, I have to deal with the side effects of epilepsy which are sometimes worse than the seizures, I am not allowed to shower alone, bath my children alone or walk down the street alone. Yet I am still going. I am still fighting and still living every day for my children.

People say to me that they do not know how I do it and I think me neither. Sometimes are good and some days are bad, but I wake up every day to make sure I show up for my children, I wear a smile for my children, and I make time for my children because I want them to have the best life. Without my mum showing me that yes things can be bad, but you can keep going and eventually all of the negative and hard times will be behind you.

Epilepsy has no cure and the type of epilepsy I have it means I will be on medication for the rest of my life, but I know that we are strong, we are able, and we are resilient. Thank you, mum.