Quarantine Thankful

Quarantine Thankful 2020

While we are all suffering in different ways and going through or own problems, its important to remember that we are all in this pandemic together. Two sides to the same coin. Its like being part of a well-built machine; we all have a part to do and while each job may be different, no matter big or small, they all need to function for the machine to work to its full extent.

As an essential worker amid the pandemic, I for one, can say that its been beyond a difficult year. Lives are being lost, families shattered, marriages ending. One of the hardest parts of it all is that so many people are all going through it at once. Its hard to have friends and family supporting you through your own personal crisis because they themselves are going through a few as well. So many people have decided that 2020 is their worst year; that 2020 should be cancelled. I say that 2020 was the time needed to build the foundations for our future. It was the world saying slow down and turn back to what’s important. So while I am not thankful for the reason I am beyond thankful for the quarantine! I was able to be home full time to watch my girls grow and I was able to start the process for creating my own business like id wanted to do for years.

Before I left my job to be home full time I had plenty of people that were upset about how certain business’ and people were making more money than before. They would judge the essential workers; nurses, doctors, utility companies, law enforcement and so on. They thank them for their service while in the same breath also tell them they don’t understand the financial struggle the world is going through. One thing this pandemic has taught me is that no amount of money replaces family. While the financial strains might not be the same the loss of family still hits us just like anyone else. Family members are passing while some of us are working 80+ hours a week. Our kids are being raised by someone else as we work hard to keep the world moving during these difficult times.

During the beginning of the pandemic I felt absolutely blessed to have a job that would always be needed. As a utility worker I had a job no matter what because people would always need power and gas. While everyone was at home in quarantine I was pulling the most over time in history to help balance the work load of millions of families needing their utilities turned on and/or serviced. Every day I would go in to work speaking to multiple families who would tell me about their struggles and about how they didn’t know how they would pay their bills. I would allow them their time to vent and then reassure them that with the moratoriums going on their utilities were the last thing they would need to worry about and that we would not disconnect anyone at a time as horrible as this. Most would calm down and thank me for my services but others would scream and yell their frustrations at me. They would say that I didn’t understand what they were going through because I still had my job and that there was nothing that I could say or do that would compare to what they are going through in life. I would leave work at the end of the night near tears from the mental and physical exhaustion. I would have to go to my mothers to pick up my toddlers and when we got home all I had time to do was make dinner, get them in their pajamas, read them a story and put them to bed. There was no time to spend. No time to talk about their day, play any fun activities, or watch them grow. I would wake up at 5am get them dressed, drop them to my mom, and start my day all over again. After awhile I started to realize that while I was blessed to be financially okay my family was suffering big time.

I felt for those families that were suffering financially. I prayed that it would get better for everyone. However, as the pandemic continued on month after month, those angry screaming emotional customers were taking an even bigger toll on me because while they felt like I didn’t understand their financial situation I felt as if they didn’t understand my loss of family. They were blessed to spend every rising moment with their children and watch them grow while I missed out on mine to serve them. As the death tolls rose and the numbers soared it was no longer safe for me to drop my kids off and then pick them up at then end of the night. I had to leave them with my mother to keep them all safe just in case I was exposed. Even though I was taking the precautions needed I didn’t want to chance it.

After a few months I realized that I was starting to envy the mothers who were stuck at home. I would watch with longing as I read blogs about them making up creative ideas to keep their kids happy during these times. It was on the hard days where I would sneak off and video call my mother so that I can see my babies faces and just let them know that I loved them; The nights when I would go home to my empty house and think of ways of my own that I would entertain my own children if they were able to be home with me. I knew that something had to give.

That something, was going in to work and having a customer once again scream in my face about “not having to worry about financial struggles” because I was “smart enough to pick an essential career” (her exact words). I had had my last straw. I finished my duties and made sure everything was working for her and on my way out I explained to her that while my finances were fine I had two daughter at home that I hadn’t seen in person in a month because of covid, that I was a single parent and if I didn’t work then we wouldn’t eat but that also meant that I missed my kids every day. I explained to her that instead of looking at the negative of right now we should all focus on the positives of our situation. I even admitted that I needed to stop complaining about not seeing my kids because I did have a full time job which helped provide. I knew it was time to decide. Either I was going to continue working or I was going to quit and stay home. That same customer ended up admitting that there were other job opportunities out there but she was afraid of working because of Covid. We talked for a few minutes each of us revealing the negativities that could be waiting for us. Her if she entered the work force like I did and I looked at what I could have if I stayed home.

In the end I chose to leave my job and now, while I don’t make nearly as much, I am home. I get to see my daughters grow up and be a part of their lives instead of only being their financial provider. Im not depending on anyone else to raise them because now I was available to do it on my own. Many of my friends have judged me on my decision and still don’t understand but there’s no other way that I can explain how thankful I am for this quarantine. It reminded me of what mattered most in this life. In a world where social media has placed a bigger importance on money than family we needed the reminder that It was okay to slow down. No more ballet practices or piano lessons to rush off to. No more procrastinating or taking time for granted like we used to. Now, I am enjoying my children while also starting the business that id wanted to start before my girls were born. I may not be able to afford to go to Starbucks or shop at my favorite boutiques but my little ones and I are making it and enjoying each other and that’s all that matters. Before work from home jobs were scarce but now the majority of the positions are from home thanks to quarantine. I understand that not everyone gets that luxury but im praying for a better world and a better future for us all.