Parents

“Namjoonie...” I call from the bathroom.

No answer. “NAMJOONIE!” I say a little louder. Where is he ? He couldn’t be out of the apartment, he was just here a few minutes ago.

“NAMJOONIE—“

“What happened ? Are you okay?” He bursts through the bathroom door, panting a little.

“I was going to take a walk, I’m sorry. I always forget to tell you, and I was almost out the door.” He looks down at me sitting on the floor, cross-legged.

“Namjoonie.” I say quietly and look down at the five pregnancy tests. As soon as I looked down, my fingers felt cold as I got nervous of Namjoon’s reaction. We had never talked about having kids together. I knew he wanted kids but with me ? Up until now, we hadn’t talked about marriage or if that was even in the future for us.

He looks down and I close my eyes, scared of the reaction, hoping it’s the good one. “Oh my god.” He kneels down next to me, I look at him. He has this big smile on his face , his eyes teary and full of emotion. “Is this real? Tell me it is real. Tell me we really are having a kid together.” He puts his hand over his mouth and laughs softly as if in disbelief.

“It’s real... Namjoonie, I was scared you wouldn’t want this with me.” I get teary but smile through it. “I didn’t know how your reaction would be, I’m scared how this could affect you or your image. I don't want to ruin—“

“Hey stop.” His warm hands cup my cheeks, and I can feel so much love radiate from him that almost immediately, my heart begins to calm down. I’m breathing a little easier, and I let out the breath I didn’t know I was holding in.

“This is our child. We are having a kid, a mini me ! A mini you ! I am so extremely happy in this moment that no one can ruin this.” He gives me a small peck “...and don't worry about me. We will figure it out but in a way where this can be public so you don’t feel like a secret or—“

“Or...” i interrupt “it could be our secret. Besides the guys and Bighit, anyway. We could keep it a secret because who knows what your fans might be capable of?” I look at him, hoping I’m not offending him by mentioning his fans.

“Yeah, I get it.” He looks away but quickly turns back to me and smiles.”I will keep you safe at all times, and you too okay?” He gives me a hand to get up and quickly places a kiss on my belly. I smile so fondly, thinking of how much my life will change from this moment on. A child. A whole entire living person inside me, and the father couldn’t have been anyone better.

The way he took care of me, always so gentle and loving. Always present, even on his busiest days. Well, I was always busy too with my clothing business but not nearly as busy as him. I admired him so much, I looked up to him in a way for the gentle way he moved through this life, taking every single opportunity to be better. A better person, better friend, a better partner. Always carefully analyzing situations, always having the right solution and reaction to every obstacle.

Namjoon was nothing less than perfect, to say the least. Even in his “bad” moments, he was still the perfect imperfect human he is.

A few days before finding out I was pregnant, I had been feeling very sick and from the first day I threw up in our apartment, I always suspected I was pregnant. I knew it was possible, we hadn’t been too careful in that area. Sometimes we used protection, other times we risked it. But for both of us, we both were ready to become parents, I just hadn’t thought if we wanted that together. From myself, of course I wanted to have children with Namjoon. But from his stance, I honestly had no idea. We had been together for 2 years and a half already, long enough to have had that conversation but we didn’t discuss anything too deep like religion or forming a family or big family issues.

Nonetheless, we were ready and I couldn’t help but love him even more for his reaction. I felt so teary as I walked out of the bathroom, following Namjoon into the bedroom, with my hand full of pregnancy tests.

“Ok lay down, I am going to make you breakfast and I will be right back.”

“Do you really think that’s a good idea?” I giggled as I sat down in bed.

“Yea, I don’t know, I’m just so” he kisses my lips , hard. “...excited! Ok fine I will go get breakfast. It’s better for you to stay right? Or do you want to come with me?”

He always said the right things. He made sure he never made me feel like a weak helpless woman who couldn’t do things herself. He never made me feel like he was better or stronger than me, and yet he protected me so much.

“No, baby, you’re right. You should go. I would go but I feel nauseous and I don’t want to throw up in your car. It’s better I stay, just bring me something good.” He leans down and I kiss his lips; it feels amazing that I linger a little longer. “Ok go, I love you” He gives me a big smile and walks out the door. I hear the sound of his keys jangling. “I LOVE YOU!” He screams before walking out of the apartment.

I settle myself into the bed; I place the pregnancy tests on the nightstand except for one. I think about how happy I am, every day but mostly in this moment. Oh the day this baby is in our arms, how we will love each other so much more.... and the baby even more than we think is possible.