Parenting Strategies for Difficult Temperaments

Any parent will tell you that it is a journey of highs and lows, with times where you are not sure what the right way to go forward is. Asking for help can be difficult, but it is often the first step in making your life and your child’s life easier. This is especially true for children who are showing signs of difficult temperaments which can be effectively handled with some guidance.

What is a Difficult Temperament?

A difficult temperament has many faces and often parents and caregivers just know the signs without really looking at them. This can be seen in children who show a more pessimistic outlook on life from a young age and struggle to be comforted by their parents. Or by a child having an overly emotional reaction to an everyday event, perhaps through sensory overload or shown as inconsolably crying without something obviously wrong. Children may also show signs of withdrawing from social situations and avoiding group activities.

A big sign of difficult temperaments relates to children and routines. We will explore this more in strategy 2, but children can struggle to adapt to change in routines. This is especially true when children experience a sudden change in a routine or plan without warning. This can then lead to temper tantrums and a desire to control things. When there is no routine in place, this can also show difficult temperaments with children being unable to learn new skills and complete tasks.

Why Does My Child Have a Difficult Temperament?

The first thing you need to tell yourself is that your child having a difficult temperament does not make you a bad parent or mean there is something wrong with your child. Every child has their own personality and every parent has their own way of raising their family. Sometimes children are born with a difficult temperament, sometimes it’s a reaction to their environment and sometimes it just is a case of learning your child’s personality and adapting to it. For children with regular emotional and behavioural changes it is worth discussing any concerns with a healthcare provider to see if there are underlying conditions affecting their behaviour.

Strategy 1: Meeting Basic Needs

“As a parent, it is your responsibility to ensure your child has the basics of food, a place to sleep and personal attention to help them develop and grow,” Kimberly Slover, psychology writer for State of writing and OX Essays, reminds us.

This basically boils down to ensuring your child is getting enough sleep to keep them active, the right types of food to ensure they are getting the nourishment required and have enough attention and affection with you to feel loved and comforted.

Strategy 2: Creating and Sticking to a Routine

Routines are a great way to help manage children, structure helps create a sense of control and sticking to a routine can help avoid meltdowns. Set a bedtime and wake up time and stick to them, work with them to design a routine and encourage them to remain on schedule. Warn your child ahead of time if there will be any changes so these don’t disrupt the cycle abruptly.

Strategy 3: Know Your Child

Parenting blogger Angel Burton, Study demic and Rated writing, relays the importance of respecting your child saying “Each child is their own person. Find out what your child’s preferences are and what their potential triggers are.” This helps you to prevent negative situations where possible and allows you to prepare when your child is reaching a breaking point.

Strategy 4: Pick Your Battles

It is hard not to get frustrated with a difficult temperament and while you need to be consistent in discipline you also need to know when to choose your battles. This is where knowing a child comes in handy, if your child is having a meltdown because of a situation empathise with them and help them find ways to deal with their emotions in a healthy way.

Strategy 5: Accept Your Child

Part of picking your battles and knowing your child is ultimately accepting your child. Never talk down to a child or call them things like “trouble maker” or “problem child”. You will seriously damage your child’s self-esteem without meaning to. If your child has one toy they want to take with them everywhere let them do so, it could be a comforter for them and will help them settle in easier.

Strategy 6: Model the Skills You Desire to See

Here’s the hardest part, we all get frustrated when we see someone act in a different way to what they expect us to act. There’s a reason “Do as I say not as I do” is an example of a poor parenting strategy. Act the way you want your child to act by showing positive social skills like sharing, inviting, helping and negotiating.

Strategy 7: Highlight Your Child's Strengths

One of the most fun and rewarding ways to help your child is to highlight their strengths and provide positive responses when they do something right. Praise children when they show themselves being flexible, positive and adaptable. Point out strengths in other areas they have that they may not have focused on.

What you should take away from this is that having a child with a difficult temperament is not a case of you being a bad parent or your child being wrong in some way. Parenthood is a rocky road and it’s ok to ask for help when you need it. Take time to get to know your child, build routines and model the types of action you want them to take. If you are struggling to deal with your child and in implementing a strategy then you can look for help from your child’s healthcare provider.