One More Hour

One More Hour

By James Staskus

Based on a amazing dream where I spent one more hour with my Dad.

Dedicated to anyone who wants one more hour with that one person who's no longer alive!

New Smyrna Beach, Florida

Present Day

It's a clear day on the beach as lunchtime begins to approach. Jesse, my son, is playing in the ocean with a couple of girls.

"I'll never get him inside now," I comment to myself, out loud, knowing I have to call him in to have lunch and get ready to leave for this summer.

My mind wonders to memories of my childhood of my childhood spent here each year. Summer after summer with my parents, Grandma, my brother, and the family of my parent's best friends. Especially, the times with my parent's best friends daughter, who my brother and I grew up with In Winter Haven, Fl. What a time it was! Before teenage craziness, for me, most importantly, before Dad died decade after that last summer.

"Jesse," I exclaim among the other summer vacationer's! His head pops up looking towards me

"Time for lunch," I say. Jesse looks back at the girls.

"Uh-oh!" I think to myself.

"Don't do it!" I mutter under my breath as Jesse continues staring at the girls he had been playing with in the ocean. I know what he's thinking, because I've been just like him when I was a pre-teen and girls were heavily on my mind.

"Jesse!" I exclaim again, knowing he's about to bolt back to the ocean. more than likely, he knows this is our last day for this summer. He's a curious and mischievous four-year old boy and a little to interested in girls as most little boys around his are, yet, he is still my little man who has had a hell of a life so far.

He was born with a heart condition that had him in heart failure during his first year. His cardiologist needed to surgically repair the partial AVSD just after Jesse turned one-year old. It was a scary time for his mother and myself. Following Jesse's successful heart surgery, he became a normal, very active two-year old. The marriage between his mother and I became extremely strained afterward.

"Jesse, get your little butt over here now!" I shouted because I already knew playing with girl's would be chosen over lunch. Plus, Jesse know after lunch is a standard nap time, which he rebels at constantly. Ugh, now I have to be "that Dad" who has to bring him in against his will.

"Here we go!" I say to myself as I walk towards him as he is attempting to return to the girl's he is infatuated, as he usually gets, with. I've helped create a damn lady's man! He's too much like me when I was younger and infatuated by girl's! My thoughts return to my childhood summer day's on this same beach.

The memories flood my brain as I keep walking towards Jesse. My dad and his best friend would stand just past the area where the waves come onto the shore. They would be smoking their cigarette's as they took in the views of a typical summer day in New Smyrna Beach. The two of them together were always a brilliant comedy team. Typically, within five minutes of them being together in the same area, other's in the same area would be in hysteric's with their humor. They both could light up a room in a few minutes time. They did the same even when they weren't together. My Dad was my first hero in my life! I always considered his best friend as my second father due to the two families closeness during my childhood and into my teenage years!

Dad's best friend loved my Dad dearly, so much so, the day my Dad died, his best friend sat on his back porch and cried due to the loss of his best friend. This is a man who was always a, "real man's man," when it came to his Italian demeanor. He looked similar to Robert DeNiro as he kept an old fashioned Italian type of personality. They truly loves each other like brothers! When I learned that his best friend died some years later, it felt like losing my Dad again. I was at work and began falling apart with grief. I left work early that day to drive to his house to pay my respects and, somehow, comfort them in a familial way. In my spiritual path that began before Dad's best friend passed, it was normal for me to drop everything to be with those close to me and my heart when there was an emergency or a death in their family. I still do that to this day!

I arrive behind Jesse as he is busy getting the girls attention. I quickly pick him up in the Dad fashion well know to other parents enjoying the beach during this Florida summer. Jesse's, as usual, putting up a good fight to get out of my arms, which never works for him. I give him an A for effort though! Other parents look at me knowing what I'm going through and nod their heads in approval. The rest of the vacationers this summer look on in horror at what I am having to do with my son. I look at them with a smirk that says, "You think this is bad and wrong, just wait until you become parents!" While I slowly walk by, with Jesse trapped in my arms, I also laugh at the situation as a whole.

I wear my successful Dad badge as a badge of honor between the other parents as I pass by them! I bring Jesse to the spot where we rinse the ocean water and sand off ourselves. Jesse stands slumped in defeat, knowing he was thwarted in his rebellious attempt. I give him a kiss on top of his head, showing him my love for him even when he decides to rebel! After rinsing off, we head up to the very familiar room at Sunrise Condominiums, which was the second condo we began staying after Earl By The Sea Condominiums during those childhood summers.

The rooms haven't changed since all those years ago! This is the third summer we have come here for a two week vacation. I haven't been here since our last summer vacation as a family. I chose to vacation here following Jesse's birth as a tribute to my parents. This place always held a special meaning in my heart.

After entering our room, Jesse and I head for a refreshing shower after spending the morning on the beach. Following the shower, I get Jesse dressed in a Superman tank-top and shorts. I throw on a comfy white tee-shirt and shorts. We both head to the living room and I sit Jesse on one of high dining chairs at the dining table. I move to the kitchen to prepare his lunch. I begin to make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for the both of us. As I start Jesse's sandwich, I notice through the opening on the kitchen wall from the kitchen to the dining/living room that Jesse chose to leave his seat. I quickly enter the dining area and find Jesse playing with a toy firetruck we brought with us.

"Jesse," I say, "it's lunch time now." I stare at him as he returns to the dining chair.

"He's becoming such a big boy," I mutter to myself as I proudly watch him climb, on his own, into the dining chair.

I return to the kitchen bopping to a Jimmy Buffett song playing in my head! I finish his sandwich and bring it to him at the dining table. I then quickly make mine so I am able to eat with him. I bring some grapes with me for the both of us to share. After sitting down, he begins to attack the grapes. I watch with a smile! I am grateful he loves fruit. We both eat our sandwiches and grapes. Now come the hard part! Nap time! Jesse always fights nap time as much as possible!

I bring him to his bedroom, which is the same type of room I stayed in as a child. I motion for him to lay down. I sit next to him, awaiting him to pop up and do all he can to get out of bed and play. Surprisingly, he's actually tired enough to remain laying down. Wow! I then begin singing the Jimmy Buffett song A Pirate Looks At Forty to him. Jesse, in one of the rarer times for him, falls asleep quickly during my singing! Yes! Victory!

I leave his room and slowly pull the door mostly closed. I begin to do a victory dance and sing about how great of a Dad I am! Then I hear laughter. Uh-oh, I think to myself as I slowly turn around. Apparently, while I was singing Jesse to sleep, my assistant/nanny/caretaker, Hope, returned from her lunch at a pizza place down the road. She's laughing at what I am, as usual in my goofy way, doing as my victory dance.

"Oh, hush!" I exclaim as I continue to bask in the moment.

"You goof," she says.

"Don't forget, we are supposed to be out of here by five." She reminds me since my time management isn't always the best.

At that moment, I begin remembering the times inside the room with my parents and the rest of the family who always vacationed with us. My stomach begins to hurt as my memory goes from positive to negative. I begin to become ill. I look at the time and see that it's only one o'clock.

"I don't feel good, I need to lay down for a bit myself." I inform Hope. She agrees as she sees my struggle happening.

"Okay, I'll begin packing to our belongings in the living room and kitchen." She says.

I go and lay down in the master bedroom. My thoughts go to my Dad and how much I miss him. I begin to cry, missing him and wishing he would have lived longer to see his grandson. He would have loved him so much!

I begin to pray and I start asking God for one more hour with my Dad. I keep praying for that for about a half hour. I become tired and start to fall asleep. Then, it happens! My Dad appears, without me seeing him!

"Are you just going to sleep this time away?" He asks in his smart ass way.

I quickly sit up and see him for, in person, for the first time since the night before he died. I am surprised and shocked at the same time. I stand up and walk towards him. I quickly hug him, without thinking twice about it, and hold on to him for dear life. He hugs me back, holding on and giving me the comfort he used to give when we hugged when he was alive. The hug lasts a few minutes!

"I don't want to let go," I tell him.

"It's okay," he responds.

"I miss you so much," I exclaim.

"I know," he tells me.

We finally, after what felt like forever, let go of our hug. He takes a long look at me and smiles.

"You've become quite a man!" He tells me as I stand there staring at him in amazement.

"Thank you," I tell him, "I thought for a long time that I had let you down."

"You're my son," he says, "I always love you, even when you fall on your ass!"

"You've done good turning your life around," he tells me. I begin to tear up after hearing that from him.

"Thank you," I exclaimed.

I always thought my recovery from alcoholism would have been detracted due to my Dad's influence, had he lived. When he died, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder entered my life. I witnessed the paramedics attempting to resuscitate his lifeless body. That vision, along with the vision of his face, remains ingrained in my memory to this day. Those visions still come to the forefront of my mind.

Had he lived, I know I wouldn't have remained sober for as long as I have. It took a Lutheran Pastor, during a long phone call, to help me understand that Dad's time on Earth, for me, was done. On the day I choose sobriety from alcohol, I saw the vision of his lifeless body laying on the bedroom floor with the paramedics working to resuscitate him. This time the vision became different. I saw that it was me the paramedics were attempting to resuscitate. Dad was a month shy of sixty when he died. I was thirty when I choose recovery. The vision showed me that I was on the same path of life my Dad was on. Had I not chose to stop drinking alcohol, who knows when I would have died due to that addiction. Dad's death became the main factor that has extended my life!

"I wouldn't have been the best influence for you," exclaimed Dad.

His statement shook me to my core. I wasn't expecting him to say that at all. I felt the strength in my legs become jelly and quickly sat down. The bed, thankfully, was nearby.

"I'm sorry for the what I've done to you and I when I left for Daytona," I told him. I am finally able to make amends with Dad for our period of time that we were at odds because of my poor choices.

"It's ok, Jay," he tells me, "I always knew your potential."

"I feel that I failed you, Dad." I tell him, "I know, now, why you always pushed me to get an education. You saw, first hand in Vietnam, what happens to men who didn't get an education and were put in the front line infantry. Too many of them came home in coffins."

Dad holds back tears after what I said to him. He wasn't one to talk about his service in Vietnam. He enlisted before he was drafted after he received a college education. He knew he'd be drafted. Fortunately, he received an office assignment while in Vietnam. Unfortunately, he did have things that happened that caused Post-Traumatic Stress for the remainder of his life.

The only time he told someone about all of his experiences in Vietnam was to talk her, one of my cousins he was always very close with, out of joining the Marines. Following their long conversation, she respected him even more. I asked her one time about what he told her. She told me that I didn't want to know. I always held a high respect for my Dad's service in Vietnam. He did tell me about the beautiful landscapes of the country.

"Jay, I always believed in you!" He tells me. I begin to hold back tears.

"Have you been watching Jesse grow up?" I ask with a proud look on my face.

"Yes, I have," he responds with a big smile.

"You should go see him while he's napping!" I tell him.

Dad walks out of the room and heads towards Jesse's room in the condo. I sit on the bed as I wait for the strength to return to my legs. This experience has been wonderful and overwhelming at the same time. I never expected it.

I breathe in and out as I feel good enough to stand again. I walk out of my room and head to the hall to Jesse's room. As I enter the hall, I witness my Dad watching his grandson. I stand and watch. Dad hasn't heard me walk into the hall. He just watches his grandson napping.

The closest he came to being a grandfather before was when a close family friend needed him and Mom to take care of her daughter for a bit. He deeply loved that little girl who still considers Mom and Dad ad her grandparents. I knew when I found out I was going to be a father that there would be an emptiness without Dad being there. This moment, I know, will be engrained in my memory forever.

"Christopher Robin and I walked along under branches lit up by the moon," Dad begins to sing as he watches Jesse.

I stand and watch in awe as he starts singing House At Pooh Corner to Jesse. That song has been a staple in our families history because of Dad's love for that song. No matter who the child belonged to in our large extended family, Dad would always sing that song to them. I stand with a smile, along with a tear running down my face.

As Dad finishes the first chorus, I walk up to stand beside him and join in singing House At Pooh Corner to my son, his grandson. How much does that song mean? It was the first song I sang to Jesse, while sitting in a rocking chair, as he slept cuddled in my arms. No one will ever, truly, know how much that song means in our family, immediate and extended. All because of Dad!

We complete the song together as Jesse continues his nap. Dad sighs and continues to watch Jesse. I have longed for a moment like this since finding out his mother was pregnant with him. I knew Dad would have been a huge part of his life from the day he was born. Silently watching Dad and Jesse became too overwhelming for me. I went to the dining table to sit down for a bit. I knew Dad would want to watch his grandson for a bit.

I don't know how much time passed while I sat at the dining table. I began to hear Dad coming to me. He had a huge grin on his face! Somehow, this is something he wanted too.

"He's such a handsome boy!" Dad exclaims.

"I'm glad you got to see him, Dad," I say, "I know he would have loved you!"

"You're a good father, Jay!" Dad says.

My eyes teared up again.

"I'm doing my best, Dad," I say, "I am using what I learned from you."

Dad sighs as he looks at the clock.

"It's about time for me to go." He tells me, "Our hour is up."

I hear a little sadness in his voice.

"I don't want this to end," I say.

"I know," Dad states, "I don't want it to either. It was only an hour you asked for."

I nod, realizing he is right, in agreement. It was only an hour I kept asking for and I was given that precious hour.

"Will you keep watching, Dad?" I ask.

"Of course, son!" He responds.

I stand and walk towards him to hug him one more time before he leaves. It is another long, sentimental hug.

"Goodbye, Dad!" I exclaim. I finally am able to tell him.

"Goodbye, Jay!" He responds as our final hug continues.

"I know you have to go," I begin to tell him, "just know I will always love you!"

"I will always love you too, son!" He responds as I hold on to him just a few seconds longer.

We let go of our hug and I look at Dad one more time as he begins to vanish slowly. I remain standing while I hold myself after he's gone.

"Thank you!" I exclaim as I look up towards the ceiling.

After a few more seconds, I begin to hear Jesse waking up. I look around and realized our belongings are no longer in the condo room. Hope must have decided to go ahead and finish the packing herself. She's been a true blessing to Jesse and I!

I head towards Jesse's room and suddenly stop at the same point that I was able to watch Dad as he watched his grandson. I am momentarily frozen remembering what I was able to witness. All of the sudden, Jesse runs out of the room towards the front door. I, quickly, return to the present moment and stop him from making a quick exit.

"No, no, my little guy!" I tell him, "It's time to load up and go home."

Jesse isn't too thrilled to hear that. He makes one last reach for the door to go play with the little girls at the beach.

"No more for this summer, Romeo!" I exclaim.

All of the sudden, I hear our car horn. Hope not only packed, she also loaded the car and has been waiting on us. All that was left to due was check out and return the keys to the room at the front desk. I open the door and look one more time at the spot in the hall where Dad stood for a few more seconds. I finally close the door to the condo and leave for this summer.