Not Your Traditional Granny

When you think of your traditional Grandmother, she's in the kitchen baking cookies and cakes from scratch. Often telling the secret family recipes, and sharing generational stories of your ancestors.

This was often the portrayal when I was invited to meet my friends grandparents or memory's of favorite moments with their Grandmothers. For years I adored that depiction until I lost mines to COVID-19 on December 25, 2021.

Let me tell you about my Grandmother, or as I called her “Granny Panties” from my experience. Granny grew up in Milwaukee, Wisconsin and had three beautiful daughters. If anybody knew Sandra or “Sandy” as some called her, they'd tell you she was the “life of the party”. She was lively and loved people and would talk to you about anything, even if she wasn't knowledgeable on that subject.

Everyone got the pet name “Baby”, but it could also be used in how she felt in that moment. If it was high pitched, she was excited. If lower, you knew she was either annoyed by what you did or was disappointed.

Although, she attended nursing school, she was also a Teacher. Her resourcefulness and hustle mentality helped to ensure her girls didn't know they had little. Their dresses, she beautifully handmade, and taught them to sew, value education, and to speak suitably despite living in the ghetto. My mother remembers running home from school being chased by bullies for “Sounding white”. As a caregiver, she'd often cared for family and friends, and was the community Mother figure.

Sadly, in the mid 1970s to late 1980s a csrystallized form of Cocaine was developed, Crack Cocaine. The widespread use eventually caused the Crack Epidemic that impacted hundreds of thousands African American households. Many lost their mothers and fathers in death to this narcotic, but others frequently saw it slowly eat away at their family bonds. It was estimated that in 1985, the routine use of crack increased from 4.2 million to 5.8 million.

Unfortunately, that routine use of crack affected our family. Growing up I was oblivious to it until I was around seven or eight years old. I don't remember exactly how I found out, but I do remember the paraphernalia to use it and the smell.

Despite my granny's addiction, she still tried to function as normally as she could. Her skin was the pigment of a Hershey bar, but was suple and soft from her self care routine, making her own skincare creams and lotions. We'd still have family dinners at my mother’s, play loud music, dance, and listen to my auntie tell her drill team stories, while my other Aunt would crack jokes.

At times, some of those stories led to tears as she recalled her upbringing and life choices. Stories of colorism, incest, physical/sexual abuse from family and failed relationships with men. I quickly understood that what started out as a recreational drug and a quick way to lose weight became a way to flee her haunting memories.

As she aged, her lifestyle caught up with her and she could no longer remember to use. We soon found out Grannys Dementia was now Alzheimer's. Living in Florida, I’d call her and talk with her about future hopes to upbuild her. When I’d come in town I made sure to see her to get wet kisses and booty pinches. Only after I’d bust in and yell “Granny Panties!”, starling her and hearing “What Baby!” out of annoyance.

Her boyfriend of over 30 years, cared for her even up to her last breath. They had been sick that week, but he figured they just had colds. On December 25, 2021, I would have never thought my granny would fell asleep from that deadly virus, COVID-19. Out of all the things that could have killed her, it was COVID-19 that ended my granny's chapter.

So no, my “Granny Panties” was your traditional grandmother. We didn't bake homemade cookies or cakes together. I barely know my family tree or our family heritage. What did learn from her was resourcefulness, to love one's deeply, even when they may not reciprocate it, and to have confidence. Her famous quote to me growing up was “if everyone is staring at you, you must be in the front row”.

My granny has lived in that back row for most of her life... Now her girls can say she's in the front row!