Nope, just nope

It should never have happened. My mother is in memory care, in a nursing home. She has Alzheimer’s. That is a horrible disease. She will actually die from it one day. One day, her brain will forget how to swallow food. She will forget who I am, she will forget her beloved grandchildren, she will forget herself. I have accepted these facts. But I can’t accept the fact that someone brought Covid 19 into her protected bubble. Nope, I can not accept that.

My mother has always been my hero. She’s an amazing person. She actually is not even my biological mother, although people always say we look and act alike. She adopted 4 kids when her and my dad realized they couldn’t have children, just another act of selflessness. I could never have asked for a better mother.

At her tallest she was 4’11”, but in my eyes she was as tall as the tallest tree. She could and did everything. She is funny and smart and talented. When I was a child, I’d come home from school and find that she was pulling up our floor, or painting a room, or moving furniture. One year, she and a friend taught a bread making class for adults, I loved that since I got to taste her creations. She sewed all my clothes when I was little, and cut my hair (not my favorite memory, but we won’t go there). She is an amazing artist. She taught my preschool class, taught me to braid my dolls’ hair, and taught me to drive. And she gave me her wicked sense of humor, a true gift for sure. She was and still is constantly moving like a tiny hummingbird. She never stops, even now. She still rearranges her furniture in her room. I don’t know where she gets her strength, she’s probably 4’9 and 90 pounds now. At her nursing home she is always busy. She wants to help everyone. She likes to help set the table, or clean up after meal time. The aides always comment on how helpful she is to the other patients and to the staff. She calls it her job.

In 2020, when Covid change the world, her home shut down. We were no longer allowed personal visits. It was devastating. I could not go to her room and take her outside for lunch or to the beach. My mother thrives on fresh air and all of a sudden she was on lockdown like the rest of us. She couldn’t understand why we couldn’t hug each other or why our visits were through glass. When someone has Alzheimer’s they don’t remember the last thing you tell them. The visits became about explaining what was happening in the world: why she couldn’t leave her home, why we couldn’t go for lunch or to the beach. You could see the frustration in her eyes. She would always ask about my children. They are 20 and 23, but to her they were 10 and 7. She’d ask how they were handling school, how was I handling them at home. I’d gently remind her about their lives now. When they were able, they’d come and visit with her; behind the glass, like a prison visit. I always asked about her day, but she doesn’t remember what she was doing. The aides would fill me in, but it’s not the same. She gets lost quickly in a conversation. I often show her pictures on my phone to encourage conversations. For her birthday I made her a poster of stages of her life. She loved it, it brought back memories. It brought her joy. Unfortunately, in the beginning we were not allowed to even leave gifts with our loved ones at the nursing home. Everything was completely shut down to prevent any germs coming in. I hated but loved that at the same time.

I am a complete Covid 19, mask wearing, quarantine follower. I believe in keeping myself safe to keep others safe. This is not a hoax, this is not a drill, this a real life, scary as anything pandemic. I hardly ever venture out at all. I grocery shop online. My biggest move of the day is from my bedroom to the living room. The holidays were definitely different last year, my kids were both tested before each holiday to be safe. I haven’t been on a plane in a couple of years and I don’t go to parties. I understood why the nursing home shut down. What I don’t understand is why they loosened up their restrictions or what happened. What I don’t understand is how my 81 year old mother contracted Covid in a supposedly secure environment. What I will never understand is why they compromised not only my mother’s health but also the health of the other residents.

Apparently there was a breakout of Covid in her nursing home. Since I am not there, I found this out by telephone. I found out that my mother; who can’t remember her day to day events, had to be moved from her room, her safe spot, to an isolation room. I am so thankful that she had had one vaccine under her belt by the time she contracted this disease so she was able to fight it off like a champ. That is not the point, however, she should not have had to, nor should anyone else there have had to. I am playing by the rules and there should be absolutely no reason this should have happened. Nope, just nope.