Thank you

Twenty-three years. Some of you reading this aren’t even that old. That is how long I was married before we got divorced. Twenty-three years, although we were together for at least 25 total. More than half of our lives. People would say, “I’m sorry” when you’d tell them you were getting divorced; like it was a failure. It was never a failure. Twenty-three years is a success. Things happen, people grow and not always together. I know we both grew; I know I grew in a different, better direction for myself.

We had an amazing courtship. It was a true love affair. A student from Spain walked into my office in the English as a Second Language School where I was working one summer and we had a connection. He was in Atlanta for 4 short weeks before he had to return to Spain. His English was decent and my Spanish was horrible. He went home to his family in Barcelona and I stayed in Atlanta working my job, but we were young and in love. This was before the internet, before cell phones. We did weird things like write actual letters and call each other on land lines. He will tell you about the time his Dad got a $700 phone bill, he was not pleased.

We took plane rides to visit each other every three months. I explored Barcelona and he came back to Atlanta. Our love grew stronger. After a year, he moved to Atlanta to study for his medical boards. We played house and then for a short period we moved to Spain again. We were living the life of youth and love. After being curtailed on having a wedding in Spain, I called my mother stateside and said to plan a wedding in two months. She was thrilled and on it. She’s amazing, but hey, that’s a different story.

We returned to Atlanta and had an amazing, small, intimate wedding. Exactly what we wanted and dreamed of. For our “honeymoon”, we traveled the US looking for residency jobs for my new husband. We ended up in a small town in PA. There were not many choices for a “foreign” medical graduate and we were thankful to get what was offered. We knew we would have to make sacrifices, what should have taken 5 years for most surgical residents was going to take 7 for him and basically us. But we were a team and then a small family. We had two babies at this point; two preemies to be exact, born 3 years apart. Talk about stress; a husband working over 100 hours a week, first one very sick baby and then three years later, another one. My mom luckily came to help out and we stuck through it. We were still very much in love. We were each other’s support system. He helped as much as he could with the little babies and I helped as much as I could making sure he survived residency and then fellowship in Florida.

Finally he accepted a position in a surgical practice in the very tiny state of Rhode Island. I became super-mom. PTA president, room mom, you name it. My focus was 100% kid centered. His focus was 100% surgical. Once a year we always took a “honeymoon” trip on our anniversary, to make up for the one we never had: but the rest of the year, I was Mom and he was working. Along the line that became our roles.

The kids grew, I tried to stop them, but they did anyway. We had a boy who needed a stronger high school and a girl who was getting lost in the school system in RI. We decided we needed to move. My husband took a fantastic job in a hospital system in Charleston, SC and we upped and moved. I was no longer needed at the kid’s school so much, and he was super busy with his new job. I needed to find myself. I noticed I was still super-mom and he was still the dad who left super early and worked as many hours as before. We were no longer a team. It was time to say “good-bye” to that love affair so many years ago.

Our son was older and basically mentally prepared, but I know that this broke our daughter’s heart. I absolutely am sorry to my core for that. But I also know that she is so much closer to her dad than what she would have been if I had stayed. This change required him to step up and be a Dad not just a figure who came home to a house where everything was done for him. They have a beautiful relationship. And for that I am truly thankful. I am also thankful for so many wonderful memories and years of happiness. Our marriage was not a failure but a success. It just was ready for a change.