My Phenomenal Mom, Adrianne.

On any given day there are life lessons my mom taught me that live rent free in my mind. Some she meant to teach and some she didn’t. If I close my eyes I can hear her saying, "Aleah life is not fair," or "God never puts more on you that you can bare," or "not now, doesn't mean never." Of course sometimes, against my better judgement, I choose to ignore those lessons. But I always come back later and regretting that decision.

In my ripe age of 24, I tend to listen and heed her advice more now than when I was a teenager who thought she knew everything but as they say, you live and you learn. Of the numerous lessons and various stories I could share, a couple spring to mind.

When I was in the first grade, on a field trip to the planetarium, we were carpooling with parents and classmates, in an attempt for everyone to get to know each other better. In the car we were playing a game where we had to hold hands in order to play. The boy I was sitting next to, Trent, refused to touch me because he didn't want anything brown to touch him. My mom was in the front seat with the another mom. She didn’t say anything in the moment, as the kids in the back seat continued their games. I, being 7 and not fully grasping what he meant by that, did not want to shift the focus off the field trip.

When we got to our destination the mom apologized for Trent's behavior. He wasn't her son but she felt so ashamed that I experienced that in her car she apologized. She also told my teacher. My teacher Kalpuna, being Indian and a woman of color, was so disgusted she changed the curriculum that year to discuss racism. To this day that's the only thing I remember from that field trip.

If that weren't enough, while at recess, another boy in my class pointed to a puddle of dirt and said "that looks just like you." There I was reduced to nothing but dirt yet I still wanted to believe that life could be fair. It was not the last time I'd experience racism at that school or in life.

At home my mom tucked me into bed and said "just because someone calls you a name, doesn't mean you have to answer to it. Just because they perceive you as inferior doesn't mean you are." She recalled her teacher calling her the N word and reminded me that letting others have influence over your life and how you feel gives them the power, that what matters is what I think of myself and that I know I am beautiful and loved. She said "kill them with kindness and show them love, even if they do not deserve it.”

It was a hard lesson to learn at such a young age. It taught me that the world may see my skin color as a reflection of inferiority, but It most certainly is not. That racism and stereotypes are taught. He was a kid, same age as me. He picked up that racism from his parents. It taught me that without education and a conversation things could not get better.

Life’s not fair, we all must come to terms with that. It seemed to be one of my mom's favorite things to say in response to my over used "that's not fair" defense. Through stories my mom tried to prepared me for the world we lived in. The beautiful, be anything you want to be, flawed, and prejudiced world. I am a black woman in America so life was never going to be easy. She had already faced the ugliness of racism and the struggle of the black woman. But in everything she said and did she wanted my sister and I to understand that there is power in love. Love for your friends, your family, and love for your enemies.

Using her childhood, growing up in the 60s in Boston, she'd recount her experiences. The racism of her school and hearing her teachers call her derogatory names, the racism of her job and being one among many. Being a black social worker and fighting to help the homeless and the downtrodden. As well as the hardships of growing up living paycheck to paycheck.

Faith was a big part of my mom's lessons. Trusting in God's plan was what she instilled in us.

My mom had my sister when she was 38 and me when she was 40. As the doctors termed it, it was a geriatric pregnancy. She had given up on the thought of kids because she got married later in life. She didn't plan for either one of us. "Not now, doesn't mean never," she say. "It just means not now." You never know what life will bring. Whether it be joy or pain she taught us to have faith and trust that everything will work out. That "God doesn't put more on us than we can bare.”

She was right, life is full of the unexpected. When I was in the 7th grade my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. I couldn't understand what possible life lesson this could be. She kept insisting that everything happens for a reason and that I should have a little faith. I learned later, it was her second time battling breast cancer. Shortly after my parents got engaged she was diagnosed for the first time. My father watched his mother die of breast cancer when he was 12. My mom never expected him to stay and watch her suffer through it as well, but he did. I guess it was another lesson in the power of love. She swore she'd beat it again and she did.

In my junior year of college she was diagnosed a third time and I nearly lost it. I was depressed, full of anxiety and angry. I had just watched my mom suffer through chemo not more than 10 years prior. I saw the agony, the pain, and the fear. I didn't want to watch her suffer again. I was afraid I'd lose her. Even in her struggle and her fear she remained steadfast in her faith. She was positive and encouraging. She continued to work and help others. I couldn't understand.

She was adamant that she would beat it again, and she's still alive today and taking her pills heading toward remission. She said that even if she dies, it’s okay because she’s lived a full life and accomplished things she never thought she would, like having kids, getting married, marching in the Million Man March, and traveling to incredible places like Africa, the United Kingdom and Europe.

I asked her why she wasn't angry, having to go through it three times and watching her mother and her grandmother go through it. She said “Yes, I’ve had cancer three times. One for me, one for your sister and one for you. If it means that you and your sister don't have to, I'll take it." As you can imagine we balled our eyes out for a minute and in that moment I was reminded of her lesson on love and gained the lesson of sacrifice.

When I think about the mom I hope to be one day, I think about my mom, her strength, her selflessness and her compassion. How she worked three jobs to pay her way through college.

The domestic violence she suffered at the hands of a boyfriend she thought she could trust, a boyfriend she then had to work with in the aftermath of his abuse.

The loss she faced when her Dad died unexpectedly in college. The shame she felt when her professors, who should have helped, flunked her when she missed her finals.

The pain and insecurity she experienced as she got sick and battled breast cancer three times, losing her hair, her bosom, and her confidence.

I think about the spa days, the shopping trips, our one on one time at Panera, and our jam sessions in the living room to Earth, Wind and Fire. I think about the late nights coming home from work, cooking dinner together, helping me with homework and staying up braiding my hair. I think about the sacrifices she made to send my sister and I to private school. I think about our worst fights, those times when I didn't appreciate her sacrifices. The times when I took her for granted. I think about the forgiveness and the understanding. Most of all I think about the friendship and the love.

As a kid I was always told that your parents are just that, your parents. They raise you, provide for you, and hope that what they taught sticks. But my mom is my friend, my best friend. And as I watch some of my closest friends struggle with their relationships with their moms, I am reminded of a conversation my mom and I had. She asked me if there was anything she could do that would prompt me to never speak to her again. I couldn't think of anything then and said that I would hope not. Thinking about it now I still can’t think of anything and after knowing her struggle, understanding her sacrifice and receiving her love, I can honestly say that there isn’t.

Aleah is a recent grad looking to gain more experience. She loves creative writing and is excited to be a part of an inspiring writing community. Thank you for taking the time to read her stories. She hopes you enjoy them! Feedback is greatly appreciated.