My Mother’s Day confession

I, a fifteen year old girl, is confused on life and I know what your thinking “at fifteen everyone’s confused” well it’s a lot more deeper then that and let me start from the beginning.

I was born July 1st 2006 and from that moment on life has been to much to handle. My sister was the first born and I was second and growing up I knew my sister was always everyone’s favorite it was just so obvious. At first I didn’t talk I never talked until 3 years old everyone thought something was wrong with me but clearly nothing was I was just already fed up which is weird because I was so young but it’s the truth I never liked playing with other kids and I always begged for attention from my sister but she never cared enough to give me any.

As a child I was always told my father was abusive and that’s why me and my sister weren’t allowed to see him, there were even times I thought he was abusive because everyone said it but as I got older I questioned it like if he was abusive how come I don’t remember it? The older I got the more I thought about it and tried to look up and find my dad, there were even times I got ahold of him and was able to talk to him but then my mom found out and threaten to take our phones so I stopped looking for him but then he started finding me and I didn’t wanna get in trouble so I started blocking him.

At fifteen years old, I’ve met several different kids and all of them have made mistakes and done things beyond stupid and yes I have to but I’ve still never had my first kiss which makes me envy my sister more because she has had her first kiss and yea I know she’s older but im over the age she was when she got her first kiss and I just always knew it’s because she’s prettier.

Eventually my sister at 17 left the house by showing up to school with scratches on her face and she told everyone our mother did it but I wouldn’t know because I was over at my friends house and my mother said she didn’t do it but nobody knows but because of this CPS felt my sister was unsafe at home so they let her go live with her boyfriend and they said that because she is turning 18 soon that she will not be back home. Yes this hurt my mom but I think it hurt me and my brother more my 4 year old brother has always been expecting her to come back but me and my mom both know it’s not happening. It hurts me because I never got to have that bond with her.

When Mother’s Day came around, my sister posted on her Instagram story saying “it’s ok keep pushing” and she posted how much longer until her birthday she had. My mom came in my room and showed me the post and she seemed hurt but my Mother’s Day confession is I don’t believe my mom is innocent and it’s hard to explain but my mom puts up this act as if she innocent but I just don’t think she is but I also don’t think my sister is and to be honest I don’t believe none of them so this is hard because I have to make a choice of who I wanna live with my mom, my dad, or my sister but I don’t trust or like any of them but I wanna still go to the school I go to now and the only way to do that is to live with someone in the district and my mom is but she hates the school and is forcing me to go to another school next year.

So I guess my Mother’s Day confession is, I’m not sure if I trust my mother but I am sure of the fact that all of my “ I love you’s” have been fake not just to her but to everyone because to be honest I don’t know what it feels like to love and I’m unsure if I love anyone. That’s my confession and I hope people see this because I put a lot of heart into this.